Stoically Stitched
by Rosette-Cullen
Summary: Bella's kept a secret that's eaten away at her. After a self-inflicted injury, she's put into a hospital that tests her strength. She'll find out who she can trust, and who she needs to stay away from. A darker fic.
1. Prologue

**A/N: This piece isn't going to be like any of my others. It holds darker themes, so any patrons who aren't up for it, after a while, it gets pretty tense.**

* * *

**Prologue:**

* * *

The nurses scuttered uselessly around my limp body. The scent of antiseptic burned my senses, but I was numb anyway. Voices lurched in the back of my head as my eyes lazily scoured my surroundings. Nothing seemed real, I could hear people speaking, but I could not, for the life of me, decipher what they were saying. I was void of life, my body twitched now and then, but nothing more.

The only thing I could concentrate on was on the rhythmic sounds of the clock. Despite the noise that tried to drown it out. My ears focused intently on each soothing rhythm. My eyes were growing heavier and heavier, I fought to keep them open. I would not sink into darkness. I was afraid, more afraid than any other time. Hands fluttered over my stilled form. I wanted to flinch, but my body would not respond to my commands.

I listened intently to the clock, each tick consuming me in a blanket of comfort. Blood pumped from me according to each rhythm of the second hand. The pain of a tourniquet stung me, but I did not move. I brought this hell upon myself. I would not scream or beg for mercy and relief. I would take this in stride, never let anyone in, and shut myself out. Like I had always done.

Even through the numbness, I could slowly feel the pain returning. It was a horrible feeling, a numbing on some parts, and a burning on others. A self-inflicted hell, I did this to myself and would no amount of redemption save me? The darkness was not at all reassuring. It only brought on more feelings of nothingness and self-loathing.

The rhythm of the clock slowed in my mind, allowing fear and panic to seep in. isn't this what I wanted? To escape, to live in infernal heights? My eyes didn't listen to me; they closed and threw me into the dark. It was my place of residence, a place that gave me a welcome, and yet, unwelcome familiarity. A silent tear slipped from my dry eyes. It slid down my cheek and onto my earlobe. It would fall or dry out. That's just the way it is.

I didn't fight it this time; I allowed the darkness to take me. I breathed in deeply and held my breath. More screaming surrounded me; the clock could no longer be heard. My lungs ached to breath, and I forced myself with all my strength not to gasp out.

Finally, relief formed. I felt light headed and detached. The screaming continued, there was some tapping on my chest, presumably the EMT's just realizing I'd stopped breathing. There was nothing they could do now. I'd fall into slumber, to avoid the pain for a while.

My body relaxed and fell into the soft mattress beneath me. Darkness befell me, subjecting me a light covering of numbness. A pure bead of relief swam through me. No more pain, no more noise.

I sunk into my relief, welcomed my demise, and fell into my undoing.


	2. Chapter One

I wasn't sure how long I had been out by the time I woke up. The room was a pristine white, a disgusting white that I was all too familiar with. The scent of the hospital spilled into my nose, immediately making my stomach twist in nervousness. Everything ached, my body screamed in pain. The nerves punishing me for some vague recollection.

The heart monitor in the room pulsed steadily, and jumped when I attempted to sit up. I looked around the white room, barely noticing my own arms wrapped in their own white decoration. I tried to move my right arm, but winced when I even thought about it.

And then it hit me. Everything from the previous weeks. The horrible feelings of distrust, abandonment, terror, unhappiness, all ending with a fever of depression. All of the occurrences hit me so hard, they forced a sob and gasp to exit from my dry throat. All of the feelings came crashing down at once that day. They commanded me to take them all away. So I did.

The memory burned, it stunned my mind into shock and several other things. Everyone thought I was just a crazy hormonal teenage girl. Perhaps it was true, but that was not at all why I gave into my feelings. Grief is a terrible thing to feel every waking moment. Like you were mourning someone, but you realize only too late, that you were mourning yourself.

Silent tears marched down my cheeks, dripping to the gauze on my arms. I wasn't crying because I was hurt or sad -- which I was -- but because I had failed. I tried to run away from my difficulties, but I only ended up making them worse. How pathetic could I be to fail at something so simple? So easy as a deep mark.

Sobs wracked through my chest, making my arms ache, but I ignored it. The curtain in front of me moved a bit, making a rustling noise. I didn't move from my position. My arms ached to wipe away the tears, to hide them from whoever was coming.

"Isabella Swan?" a gentle voice murmured.

I looked from my white sheets to the person in front of me. He was a gorgeous man. He had medium length blonde hair, a sandy colour, pale skin and deep golden eyes. My gaze struck his odd one; I couldn't look away from his intense, but kind stare. I raised my arm, ignoring the pain, and wiped my tear stained eyes on the gauze.

"Ah… um, yes?" I mumbled.

He smiled at me, and then looked at his chart. "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I'll be your physician throughout your stay here."

"What? Why, where am I?" my voice was shaky, a bit of hysteria slipped through. Dr. Cullen remained solemn. He'd probably seen a hundred cases like mine. That knowledge did not still the fact that this was all knew to me.

"Do you remember what happened, Isabella?"

I stopped myself from remembering. "Yes, I do."

"Something like this can't happen, and then you just walk away. You need to discuss your feeling and why this happened in the first place."

"I don't know why. It just did. I didn't mean to do it, my body just reacted." My voice was meek, a shell of what it once was.

"Yes, but we need to understand why."

"It won't happen again, just don't make me stay here." Fear kept me up, pleading with him to let me go. I couldn't figure out how I did this to myself, how could I explain it to others?

"Regardless, just because you say you won't harm yourself doesn't mean you're not lying."

Tears stung at my eyes. I was going to be trapped here because I failed at escaping my pain, only to be brought to a place that was absent of the outside world, a confinement. Dr. Cullen looked me over warily. His golden eyes observed that I wouldn't say anymore on the matter.

"Dr. Cullen, you're needed at the front desk." A mousy girl with brown hair and blue eyes said.

"Excuse me, Isabella; I'll be back in a moment to bring you to your room." With that, he turned gracefully on his heel and left the room.

He would take me to my room? I thought I was already in my room. Looking around, I figured this was more of a hospital room than a residual place. I laid back down in my bed and continued to stare up at the ceiling. Tears streaked down my face and onto the pillow beneath my head. Pain surrounded me, but I ignored it to the best of my abilities.

My eyes snapped open, and I sat up, with much uncomfortably. This was my mistake, and now I would pay for it. I would take this punishment in good health. I would lie to the physicians, to whatever therapist they threw at me. The only flaw in my plan was the fact that I was a terrible liar, dreadful actually. I could only hope my will to leave was strong enough to get me out.

My head started to spin around on my shoulders. My blood wasn't strong enough for me to move around yet. It would figure, I lost a good amount before everyone came in and surrounded me. I could distinctly remember the blood pumping from my wound, freely flowing in front of my very eyes. I was repulsed by the sight, but the scent was a great deal worse; rust and salt. I couldn't tear my eyes from it, though. The gorgeous crimson pooling on the floor where I lay.

"Isabella?" called a voice.

My head snapped to my right, where the voice had called me from. Dr. Cullen stood close to my bed, his eyes analyzed me carefully. He seemed hesitant. I learned that most girls that fail at what I did, breakdown the moment they awake.

"Bella," I mumbled.

He smiled at me. "Bella, I'm going to let you spend the night here. I know it's hard to transition." he murmured. "I'll show you your room tomorrow. Let the doctors help you, and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask me or anyone else."

His smiled was genuine as he walked to the IV by my bed. From his pocket, he slipped an injection of some sort into the IV. My eyes grew heavy a few moments after he left. My body wanted to sleep, but my mind certainly didn't.

I didn't want tomorrow to come. I'd prefer to sleep forever. Isn't that what I attempted, though? To sleep forever, to know no pain or injustice. A solemn sleep to last an eternity.

* * *

My legs shook beneath me, begging to collapse. I wasn't having that. I trudged one leg forward, then the other, and plopped down into the wheelchair the mousy nurse offered me. She always seemed timid, like she was afraid of everyone. I could sympathize with the girl; I used to fear, before those feelings were replaced with nothingness.

The girl gave me a timid smile before she began to push me down the hall. My hands rested in my lap, numb from the painkillers. Each room was the same, white on top of more white. It was enough to drive a person into insanity. People peeked from their doorways to look at me, watch the new girl make her appearance in a wheel chair and gauze covered arms.

"Isabella?" the mousy girl asked.

"Yes,"

"You need to change into your uniform, what size do you take?"

"Um, small, I think."

She said nothing more as she walked me down the hall. A group of women -- around their twenties -- all glared at me as I went by them. I put my head down, refusing to meet anyone's gaze. Everyone looked glum and spaced out. The atmosphere was simply depressing. The floors were glossy enough to see my reflection in, though.

She stopped in front of a two person room. It was white, just like the others. There were beds on opposite sides of the room, accompanied by a nightstand on the side closest to the wall, and small dressers on either side of the room.

"Here's your uniform, size small. There should be a few more in your dresser. There are room checks twice a week; they can be at any time." I nodded and she continued. "I'm the nurse for this wing, my name is Lillian. Dr. Cullen is your physician, but when he's not available, Dr. Lorenzo will be his fill in."

"Okay," I answered.

"Whenever you need to talk, you can come to me or anyone else for that matter."

"Okay, thanks," I said dismissively.

Lillian stepped out from the room, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked around the room once more, and involuntary smile curved my lips. A large window was on the wall in front of the room. Though it had bars that crossed horizontally and vertically, I opened the window as far as I could and took in a large amount of fall air. Crisp and fresh.

I changed at a slow pace. My arms ached when I slid on the knee length skirt, but that was nothing compared to the burning when I lifted them to put on the thin, V-neck shirt, all in white. I felt uncomfortable in these clothes. The skirt went an inch or two above my knee; the shirt didn't cover me very well either. I felt exposed, like I was on display. My cheeks flushed at the thought.

Something across the room caught my eye. The edges were gold, shining in the subdued light of Fork, Washington. I stepped closer to the table on the other side of the room. I picked up the picture frame carefully. A beautiful woman with red hair and brown eyes was standing next to a man with brown hair and green eyes. The woman had a kind feel to her, a warm, gentle look. The man was a bit gruff, but he stood lovingly beside her. His mouth was a wide smile. Below them was a small boy. About four or five, he was grinning with a hand from each parent on his shoulder.

The boy had my attention instantaneously. He had bronze hair, a shade so unfamiliar; my eyes studied it to memorize the colour and texture. He had alabaster skin with a tint of red on his cheeks. He was adorable.

"Who are you?"

I turned around quickly at the sound of someone behind me. My eyes focused on the figure in the door way, they immediately became trapped by theirs. I didn't want to look away, though. Green, emerald green. They were incredible; they held me place, never breaking, a fire breaking through them.

"Don't touch that!" he yelled. "What the hell is wrong with you? You just go into other people's rooms and look through their things!"

His eyes showed fury, a clean covering over his emerald orbs. I must have looked like an idiot, just standing there, because he ripped the picture frame clean from my hand. My wrist jerked with it, and I bit my lip as not to cry out. A red line came down through the gauze. My teeth dug into my lip harder.

"Sorry," I whispered.

He cocked his head to the side, most likely observing the tiny tears in my eyes, and my nearly bleeding lip. His eyes were still angry, but his brow furrowed in confusion. I clutched my arm to my chest, trying to avoid staining my shirt. Removing my teeth from my lip, I stared back at him.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I didn't know it was yours. I was just curious, sorry."

I wasn't quite sure why I was apologizing. I knew I shouldn't have been looking through his things, but I should have bee angry for him hurting me. My arm burned under the gauze, reminding me of my mistake. My other arm rejected the movement of comforting the bleeding one.

Blood soaked almost completely through. A disgusting crimson tainting the once pure white. It was really a terrible sight. The boy in front of me looked incredulous before his eyes settled on my arms.

"Oh! Jeez, sorry!" he spluttered.

"It's fine," I squeaked.

It looked as though his temper had calmed a bit, but he wasn't completely cooled. Stepping away from his side of the room, I moved back to my own. The bed I sat on was soft and very firm. No doubt my back would become unpleased in a few nights. It also was draft in the room.

I looked to my left to see the boy digging in his dresser. He kneeled on his knees and shuffled around the bottom drawer. His auburn was messy, but fell just right around his face. There was a faint trace of brown lining the edges, giving him an ultimately beautiful appearance. My eyes scanned his form, a sense of familiarity stinging at the back of my head.

The picture! I sat straight as I realized he was the little boy from the picture. The one with the wide grin and a sense of love. Could they possibly be the same people? The boy in front of me looked nothing like the happiness in the picture on his nightstand. He looked tired and worn.

"Hey," he called.

"Hmmm?" came my brilliant response.

"Give me your arm."

I did as I was told and stuck out my right arm for him. Even though he nearly bit off my head not but a few moments ago, I still felt a strange comfort-ability being with him.

He unwrapped my arm carefully, his fingers tenderly removing roll after roll of gauze. When the smell wafted up to me, I looked away out of the window and concentrated on the tree outside. Once the gauze had been removed, I could have sworn I heard him mutter "Fresh," under his breath.

"You can look now,"

My eyes traveled back to my arm and relaxed once I saw the white film back on my arm.

"Thank you," I murmured.

"No problem. Now, who are you?"

"Isabella Swan, I guess I'm your new roommate." I said sheepishly.

He lifted an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"The nurse -- Lillian -- brought me here and told me this was my room."

"No, that can't be. There's no co-ed rooming on this floor." he paused for a moment, then put his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose. "What are you here for?"

I lifted my arm in an unquestionable gesture. He simply nodded before he went down on the floor and sat cross-legged. He sure was quick tempered. Once again, his eyes lifted back to mine, an unmasked hurt before they went hard once more. An overwhelming feeling to reach out and caress the length of his cheek hit me. Is skin looked so smooth and soft, it was an unfair being sitting in front of me.

His eyes traced my arm unseeingly. His own mind must have wandered off because I called for him several times. He was still, a statue on the cold marble floors. His auburn hair blew softly in the wind from the window, making him appear as though he were a model on a photo shoot, only he hadn't realized it yet. He breathed in a deep, shaky sigh. His eyes were glazed over, the emeralds shining in the fluorescent lights.

"S-sorry," he murmured.

"It's fine," my voice was no more than a whisper. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've got an appointment, see you later." with that, he was gone from my sight.

My heart thumped wildly in my chest, my cheeks an undeniable shade of burgundy. All this from one young man. I silently cursed myself for being so weak. Hadn't I learned not to trust people from past experiences? That no matter how friendly or honest someone appeared, they were never able to be fully trusted?

I was fool for even speaking to that boy, and I would not let it happen again.


	3. Chapter Two

The hospital had always been my least favourite place. It was white and sterile, and just an uncomfortable scene. Going to therapy made everything worse. Dr. Cullen was kind; he seemed to care about what little I said during our sessions. He never pressured me to break through and spill my guts to him. I had a few thoughts to open up a little, but constantly reminded myself it was part of his façade as a doctor.

I had spent close to a week here; each day was more tumultuous than the next. My roommate seemed to avoid me at any cost, never looking me in the eye. I suppose it made it easier on me; I tried to avoid him just as much. None of the girls came up to me, they usually stared and snickered with each other. I could feel my self-confidence dwindling away. Needless to say I shied away from everyone. But, during the night, when no one could hear me or see me, I cried.

I never felt more helpless than I did when I was here. No one spoke to me; no one looked at me without glaring. It was a silent killer. My parents hadn't come to visit me on the one day that visitation was allowed. Not that I wanted to see them anyway. My mother would be disappointed, but she should be disappointed anyway.

"So, Bella, how are you fairing?" Dr. Cullen asked me.

So far I'd mange to lie my way through these sessions. Though, the next session he would ask me the same questions and I would forget my stories. He must have seen through my ploy, that's the only thing that could have given me away. The nurses seemed to believe me, but Dr. Cullen was always calm and patient with me.

"Fine, I guess,"

"Have you made any friends?"

I held back a grimace. "Not really."

"And why is that?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. He didn't need to know all the messy details. Dr. Cullen smiled tentatively before leaning forward. "They wouldn't happen to be hazing you, would they?" the look on my face must have been enough, because he continued. "Bella, that's normal. When I started here they hazed me, too. A lot of people have been hurt here; this is just their way of dumping that on someone else. It'll pass, it always does. What about your roommate? He's a kind boy, he doesn't haze, he just keeps to himself."

"I talked to him the first day, but not after that. Oh, that reminds me; he said there's no co-ed rooming."

"That's true, but there's a new system. People who are here for the same reasons are put together."

"Y- you mean he…" I gasped trailing off.

My eyes went to my wrists in a quick movement. Dr. Cullen didn't nod or answer me, but his silence and his eyes told me enough. I couldn't believe that same happy boy from the picture had done something like that. Curiosity made its way through shock. My brain started to calculate reasons and scenarios.

"It's almost eleven; you should head back to your room."

"Oh, yeah, thank you Dr. Cullen."

"No problem, Bella. I won't be in tomorrow, do Dr. Lorenzo will be filling in."

"'Kay,"

A nervousness settled over me. I was a little afraid to see my roommate, now knowing what I did. I wondered what I would feel now; would I pity him, or sympathize with him? As I neared the door, my heart sped up. My hand settled on the doorknob and pushed forward. My eyes settled on his side of the room. He was there, on his bed, sitting still like a statue. His eyes were unfocused and staring at the wall.

My legs moved themselves to him. I wasn't sure if I should wake him from his daze, but my body pushed me to him. I kneeled in front of him, watching his glazed eyes stare off into space. My hand went to his knee and I shook him a little. Still no response.

"Hey," I called.

He still didn't do anything. I was beginning to worry, he was so still. Frantic, I gripped onto his bicep and shook him with all of my might. I fell back onto the floor with a thud. He shook me off and flinched back at my afro-mentioned appearance. He put his right hand to his chest, right over his heart.

"Jesus!" he yelled. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"S-sorry! I thought you were dead!" I cried angrily.

"Why the hell would you care if I was?"

"What do you mean 'why'? I happen to care if a corpse is stinking up my room."

Though he tried not to, he chuckled before putting on a hard face. He grabbed the tops of my arms and picked me up to my feet. He was much stronger than I thought. His hands were so warm, sending shivers down my spine.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine, are you?"

"Yeah, I not the one who tumbled backwards."

"I've had worse."

Though I was referring to my crippling clumsiness, his eyes darted down to my arms and back up. I shook off the glance and smiled at him before returning to my side of the room. He stared at me for a moment, a spark of intuition in his eye before I stepped from him. The book on my night stand was my only relief from the pain of the hospital. I was gracious for its length.

"Um, so, how did your therapy go?" he asked.

Shocked, I put down my book and looked up at him. His hands were in his pockets and he looked at me with a new appraisal. My heart jumped from human contact. No one had bothered to speak to me, much less ask me questions, beside Dr. Cullen.

"Well… Dr. Cullen is very kind."

He smiled. "He is, to an irritating extent."

I smiled; I had noticed that for unknown reasons I was irritated that he was so calm and patient. I suppose it was because I never was, he became something that I couldn't. He grew up and got on with his life while I was stuck under his successful care.

"What about Dr. Lorenzo? I haven't met him yet, but I will tomorrow."

His face paled. All traces of good humour gone from his body. I put the book on my bed and faced him more. He shook his head and gave me a frighteningly serious look.

"Don't trust that man. Don't let him close the door, I'm not kidding, he has a reputation among the patients."

"For what?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Just don't get too close, or anything. Keep your distance."

"Okay," I agreed.

He was starting to scare me with talk of this doctor. Surely he must have been exaggerating to scare me. He could be apart of this hazing thing too. Just trying to scare me and not get help. There was something in his eyes, though; something that made me put my trust fully in him.

"I… guess I haven't been hospitable. My name's Edward Masen."

I smiled at him. "I'm Isabella Swan, I prefer Bella."

He smiled minutely back. My face flustered at his smile, crooked and beautiful. I reprimanded myself immediately. Hadn't I promised myself that I wouldn't become close with anyone?

"I have to go now, my own session. See you around, Bella."

"Yeah, see 'ya."

* * *

My eyes opened warily at the morning sun. An automatic smile spread across my lips. I had missed the sun since I'd been in Forks. I stretched my arms high above my head and recoiled slightly from the pain. The clock on the wall informed me that it was almost eight. The light made the room seem more luminous, casting the appearance of early afternoon. I was surprised I had slept in this late; I usually was up before seven and in the cafeteria to avoid having interaction with the people.

I pulled myself up slowly from my stiff mattress; my back was starting to ache from the starchy sheets and the hard springs. I had hoped that sleeping on it for a while would begin to break it in a little; so far I had seen no progress. My body pulled itself up with a huff and I rubbed my forearms over my eyes. The sun was warm against the side of my face, a welcoming new feeling. My eyes ran slowly over the room to my dresser, I would have to get up and change, and I honestly didn't feel up to it.

My eyes caught on a shifting figure across the room, a groan alerted me that it was a person, obviously. The bed opposite from mine moved as the figure under the sheet wiggled out. I saw bronze hair first then a tired looking boy emerged from the confining white sheets. I smiled at his messy appearance; his hair was in disarray, his face sallow with light purple lines under his eyes. My roommate -- Edward -- sat up and mimicked my morning movements. His forearms rubbed over his emerald eyes and I saw, for the first time his own dark past.

His arms weren't covered like they usually were in a sweatshirt or bandages; they were bare for me to see. There were pink scars all over his arms, they looked deep and painful. They were everywhere, some were vertical, like mine, but they had horizontal line over them; creating a messy checkered pattern. The pattern differed on both arms; I felt my insides tighten from the thought of the pain he had endured. How could he have survived?

Edward's gaze first went to the clock on the wall, like mine had, then around the room. I almost laughed our similar habits. Almost, but not quite. I pulled my knees to my chest and watched as his head turned to my side of the room. His gaze struck mine and he pulled his eyebrows together in confusion.

"What are you doing here?" he asked quietly. I supposed he wasn't used to waking up with me already awake. He usually was already gone by the time I woke up, or I was gone from the room hiding in the small library.

"I just woke up," I said equally quiet. He nodded and put his arm to his lower back and twisted his torso until I heard a pop. I cringed at the sound, but the look of relief on his face made me want to try and ring out the stiffness.

"These mattresses are terrible," he muttered to me. I nodded slightly and stretched out my legs. I pulled the shorts that were meant as pajamas down my legs a little, I hated how small they were, but the cotton wasn't as stiff as the uniforms that I had to wear during the day.

I noticed Edward's eyes on my legs and immediately blushed. Seeming to notice my sudden nervousness, he turned his head and moved from his bed to his dresser. Without a word he left a room to the men's room across the hall. I bit my lip on instinct as I watched him leave, then I grabbed the skirt and shirt that made up my attire.

The women's room was fuller than I was used to. A girl I knew as Alice, one of the one's who was with the snickering girls, looked up at me and smiled. I was shocked that she had, usually when I passed her group she wouldn't even look towards me. My smile was hesitant and weak as I smiled back at her. She was a warm person when she wasn't surrounded by those girls. She was short, maybe a few inches below me, and had jet black hair that pulled into pigtails by white ribbons. I could see by the way her skirt was cut to accommodate her size, that she had used the cut hem to tie her hair.

"Hi, I'm Alice." she introduced herself. I was shocked that she had spoken to me; my throat felt a little dry from the excitement of being able to interact with so many people lately. First Edward, and even if she was just being kind, Alice.

"I'm Bella," I nearly choked out. She smiled tentatively at me, her eyes closed a little and she reminded me of a pixie.

"Would you mind if I did your hair?" she seemed enthusiastic at the prospect of playing with my hair. I hadn't taken very good care of it since I entered the hospital, just the regular washing and air drying. I wished that a blow-drier was allowed in here from time to time. My hair was always straight, but became tangled when the wind dried it.

"Sure," she smiled again at my consent and gently grabbed my hand. My heart sped at her calm touch; she tugged me along to the back of the room and sat me on a bench by the sink.

"Lean your head back on the counter, Bella. I'm gonna' give your hair a makeover." her voice was soprano and reminded me of bells when she laughed at my confused expression. "Before I came here I was in the cosmetology field, also fashion, too. You can't imagine how turned off I am by these hideous uniforms. I've tried talking to the staff about a change, but they denied me. I could personally design them and everything!"

I let her continue rambling about anything and everything that was on her brain. I let an occasional "mhm" and "ah" here and there, but I didn't think it was needed, I had a feeling she would have kept talking even if I had said anything. I blushed a few times when she commented on how beautiful my hair was, and how pretty she could make it. She said I had skin to die for, which made me blush even more. She made due without a blow-drier and surprisingly my hair had a little more volume to it than normal. I smiled at her through the mirror.

"You like?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes, I've never seen my hair in a better state." she giggled at my simple comment and grabbed my hand to lead me from the back.

"Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No, I just got up." I bit my lip as she dragged me through the halls to the familiar path of the cafeteria. Some people stared at us as they walked by, but most ignored us. I was grateful for the lack of attention; I kept my head down, not making eye contact with anyone. I didn't like to be around so many people.

"Hey," Alice stopped and turned on her heel to look up at me. "Don't keep your head down like that. That's how you get bad posture. Put your head up, square out your shoulders and put your chest out. See how much better that is?" I blushed again at her instructions. She looked like a model when she did it; I looked like an awkward child trying on her mother's high heels for the first time.

She smiled at me as I followed her instructions to the best of my abilities and continued to lead me to the cafeteria. Alice pulled me in line and shoved a tray in my unoccupied arms. The food here wasn't the best, but it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. I learned to stay away from the meat. I decided since I wouldn't be eating any of it here I would try to become a vegetarian. I wanted to do something productive.

We followed the long metal shelf, skipping from different foods that interested us. Alice grabbed a pink yogurt, I followed suit with a blue one. We each grabbed a milk, and made our way to the fruit.

"No way, you like fruit for breakfast, too?" Alice nearly sang.

"Yeah, I think it gives me more energy for the day."

"That's so cool, most of the girls here don't eat breakfast, or don't like fruit." she handed me some apple slices as she spoke, I grabbed some watermelon and cantaloupe as we made out way down the line.

The panic and fear started to settle in once the cashier took registry of what we had picked out. Alice turned from the woman at the counter with a smile on her lips. I looked around the room timidly as the room became filled with people. There were groups -- mainly genders split among their own -- at different tables. It was a lot like high school as I peered around at each different group. There was a table full of males who were mainly muscular, they looked like the jocks. A table of giggly blondes and light brunettes were sitting close by, steeling glances at the boys; they were obviously the cheerleaders, or "preppy" kids. In the corner there were a couple of black haired girls with their roots showing all talking quietly. There was a feminine boy among them who seemed to be the center of their conversation. I guess they were Goths… or maybe they were called "emos" now.

A few stray kids were in the back, they had glasses and didn't look too social, the nerds. I could see that each had a thick volume in their hands and didn't really talk with each other like the others. I could pick out some of the skater kids, some older girls, maybe in their twenties, a few older males, and some others who were mainly off on their own. I noticed someone specific out of everyone in the room. My eyes were immediately locked on where he was sitting. His tray was mostly untouched, and he had a book in his hand.

"Why is Edward sitting alone?" I muttered to myself.

"Hmmm? Do you know Edward Masen?" Alice turned to me with a smirk on her face. I wasn't as quiet as I had thought I was apparently. I blushed as she looked at me with an inferring gaze.

"N-no, he's my roommate." I stuttered pathetically.

"He never sits with anyone. He keeps his distance, a lot of people think he's a jerk, but he's just--"

"Reserved," I finished for her. She laughed and nodded at me. I watched as he stood up, marking his place in his book, and dumped his tray, all but a shiny red apple. Before he left the room, he took a large bite out of his apple.

"Oh, there's everyone." Alice said cheerfully. She nodded for me to follow her, which I did. We walked over to a group of girls, all chatting and giggling. Alice sat beside a curly brunette and started in on the conversation. I took a seat beside her, and tried to follow along with the conversation.

I popped a piece of apple in my mouth and tried to chew quietly without bringing attention to myself. All the girls laughed at something the curly haired girl had said. I didn't laugh along with them, and I suddenly felt very distant. I wished that I had woken up earlier this morning. I could have been in the library reading, or in my room enjoying the sunlight.

"Oh! I'm so rude," Alice suddenly said. "Everyone, this is Bella." she pointed to me and smiled. "Bella, this is Jessica," the curly brunette. "Lauren," the blonde. "Angela," a straight haired brunette with blue eyes. "Rosette," a girl with black hair and dark eyes. "Jasmine," another blonde. "Stephanie," a girl with light brown hair gave me a strange look.

"Hi everyone," I said timidly.

Some grunted in response, and some didn't even acknowledge the greeting. Alice started up with another conversation about something she was thinking about designing for new uniforms. She kept complaining about how this place would be more fun if they let her revamp the wardrobe choices. The table suddenly fell silent when a curvy blonde made her way to the table with her own tray.

"Hey, Rosalie, why are you so late this morning?" Alice asked.

Rosalie smiled a wide, but elegant smile. "Emmett wanted to spend some time together." All the girls cooed at her story and moved a chair from another table for her.

"Rosalie, you haven't been introduced to Bella yet!" Alice sang. Rosalie appraised me for a moment, her blue eyes looked me over and then she shrugged and went back to conversation.

"So, Alice, are you going help with my hair after breakfast?" with that, the whole table erupted in conversation again. I felt so left out, out of place and out of mind. I thought I would be happy once someone started talking to me.

I picked at my food and finished my fruit before I walked off to deposit my tray on top of a trash can. I looked back to the table of girls again; no one seemed to notice my absence. A shiver ran down my spine and I walked out of the room without being noticed. I didn't know where I was going, and to be honest, I didn't really care. I knew I had an appointment in a half hour. My feet dragged me to the small lobby where the doctor's offices were and I plopped down in one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room. The nurse behind the counter looked at me and smiled timidly, I noticed her as the mousy nurse -- Lillian.

"Hello, Bella," she greeted me.

"Good morning, Lillian." I was just as quiet, I was starting to like her company. She spoke to me with kindness, but she was always timid. I felt a little stronger when I was around her, but I wasn't sure why. My stomach started to twist as the time neared for my appointment with the new doctor. I remembered the conversation I had with Edward. Why couldn't I trust him? He was a doctor; he was trying to help me. I shook the thought off dismissively.

"Bella, you can go in now," Lillian called to me.

"Thank you," with that I stood and walked to the mahogany and gold door.


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: I'm not sure why, but I was getting some reviews that the last chapter was the same, so I'm reposting in hopes that this is the correct one. I did the same chapter and it had all of this content, so sorry about the delay and mess up.**

* * *

My feet carefully brought me to the door, I felt tired, even though I had spent most of the morning sleeping. I swallowed hard and knocked on the door. There was shifting and then some one grunted out "come in" to me. My hand carefully turned the polished metal knob and pushed the door open. My eyes scoured the room slowly, finding a tan man behind the desk. He was writing something down a clipboard and smiled up at me when he noticed my loitering near the door.

"Are you just going to stand there all day? Come in Isabella," he moved his hand to signal me forward. I didn't acknowledge that, I walked in and sat down the long brown leather couch. I sat as far away from him as possible. I felt strange being with a new doctor, I trusted Dr. Cullen with what I said, but I didn't know this man. It had taken me weeks to tell even the most miniscule things to Dr. Cullen.

"I'm Dr. Lorenzo, I'm filling in for Carlisle today." he smiled at me with his white teeth. They were a blinding white and I wondered how many dentist appointments he gone to so that they were perfect. He was obviously Italian, his skin and dark hair gave it away in an instant. "So, Isabella, how are you feeling?"

I cleared my throat quietly. "Bella,"

"Alright, Bella, is everything alright?" he smiled at me again and shifted his chair backwards while he stood and walked around to the front of the desk. I was uncomfortable with his close proximity all of a sudden. My body wanted to move away form him, but I knew that would be rude to I stayed as still as humanly possible.

"Yes," I answered politely. He smiled yet again, his eyes crinkled at the sides, giving him the slightest appearance of crow's feet. I could tell he had had botox or some form of plastic surgery. His smile wasn't the only thing fake about him.

"Dr. Cullen tells me that you've had some trouble getting along with people here. There just hazing, I wouldn't be surprised if you found yourself fitting in within a few days." I couldn't stop myself from moving away from him this time. The way he looked at me and then the way he casually touched my shoulder, moving my hair, made me cringe. I started going over Edward's words in my head.

Dr. Lorenzo moved over to the door and shut it, he fiddled with the blinds while he went for the lock. My heart rate sped up and I could feel a light sheen of sweat dew on my neck. He closed the blinds on either side of the door to the windows and turned back to me with the same uncomforting smile.

"Could you leave the door open, it's a bit stuffy in here." I asked desperately. I tried to hide the hint of fear in my voice, but I was sure it slipped out.

"I could just open a window if you'd like fresh air."

"No, I- I like the smell of the waiting room. It reminds me of- of when I was little." I quickly lied in a desperate attempt to not be alone and locked out from the world with him. I wasn't sure why I was reacting in such a manner. At first I didn't believe Edward when he told me, but seeing this man made me instantly regret not listening and believing him. I had no reason to trust him, but I had no reason not to also.

He huffed and eyed me warily before he opened the door and I could see the lobby and hear the light Latin music playing in the background. I sighed in relief and relaxed my position a little. Dr. Lorenzo moved back over to the front of his desk and sat on the edge of it. He looked at me intensely for a moment, unconsciously licking his lips. I cringed back and bit my lip.

"Um… excuse me, but I'm not feeling very well today. Could we reschedule some other time, I think I need to rest…"

"Of course, Bella. Dr. Cullen will be out tomorrow as well. He's spending some time with his wife while the weather's still nice. How about tomorrow, same time?"

I bit my lip hard as not to say something I'd regret and nodded. I pulled myself up and smiled timidly before I left the room, he followed me out, putting his hands on my shoulders before leading me into the waiting room. He wheeled me to where Lillian was sitting, she looked up and smiled weakly at me and then the man behind me.

"Lillian, Bella's not feeling too well, we're going to reschedule tomorrow at the same time. Hopefully by then she'll feel a bit better." Lillian nodded and typed the information into the sleek black computer. She answered timidly when she was done and squeaked out a goodbye when Dr. Lorenzo let go of my shoulders.

I walked back to my room in a stupor, trying to figure out what just happened. He could be a good man that I just rudely became afraid of. I believed someone who I had been ignoring, and he the same, for a week or two and maybe have burned a bridge out of here. I walked back to my room and noticed Edward was there on his bed reading.

He looked up at me and then back to his book. "Did you go to your appointment?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," I answered as I sat in the chair on his side of the bed. It was cushy, it was comfier than my mattress was. I grimaced as I thought of it, I no longer enjoyed sleep. "Why did you warn me about Dr. Lorenzo anyway?"

Edward looked up and grimaced. I was confused at the gesture but waited for him to speak. "It's nothing, really. Just listen to what I told you, okay, Bella?"

"Why should I believe you?" my patience was wearing thin. "You could be another one of those people out there who seem to be out to get me."

"Are you getting an attitude with me, Isabella?" he sat up and put his book down on his night stand. He sat on the edge of his bed and practically glared at me. "Here I am trying to help you, and all you can do is yell at me."

"You could be tricking me," I snapped back.

"Why in seven hells would do that?" he roared standing up. I followed suit and stood from the chair. "I'm just giving you a warning and helping you out! Can't you accept anyone's help?"

"Obviously not! That's why I'm still in this place, and so are you!"

"It's none of your business why I'm in here! You don't know anything you little drama queen!" he didn't let me fight back with my own argument before he stalked out of the room. I went to the edge of the doorframe and watched him go down the hall, to where I wasn't sure.

"Yeah, just walk away you jackass!" I screamed at his retreating form. He didn't look back or stop moving, but he did raise his right arm above his head and flip me the bird. I turned from the door way and went over to my stiff bed, burying my face into the pillow, I screamed bloody murder into it until my throat rasped.

I pulled my head back from the sudden anger that flowed through my veins. I couldn't figure out why I was so angry, but all I knew was that his short temper sparked mine and my thin patience seemed to disappear with his stupid, velvet voice. I huffed as I sat on the edge of my bed, ignoring the frivolous tears that silently rolled down my cheeks and looked back at my arms. I glared at them and had half a mind to find a shank and finish off the job. I wasn't that weak, though, I wouldn't kill myself for such a stupid reason. I was stronger than that.

I rolled back over and laid on my side. I fell into old habits quickly and let my stress put me in a numb state. Sleep was my only salvation from the frustration and confusion. I bit my lip and let the stupid, unnecessary tears roll down my cheeks. I cussed under my breath for being so weak, and then fell asleep.

* * *

My eyes were stuck together when I woke up, I hated the feeling. The crust from my salty tears must have dried onto my lashes, I rubbed absentmindedly at them. When my eyes finally opened up, I could see the sun setting in the distance, I felt so disappointed. I didn't get to spend any time enjoying the warmth of the fiery orb. I sighed and pulled myself up. It was almost five when I looked at the clock and my stomach growled since I had missed lunch. I put my hand over it to keep it quiet.

My legs were shaky when I stood up from the bed, I didn't feel as sore as I thought I would, but my back still tingled when I stood up. I went to the washroom and splashed cold water on my face to wash away any signs of sleep or tears. Taking one final glance in the mirror and pasting a fake smile on my lips, I moved out from the bathroom. I didn't see anyone in the halls, so I made my way to the cafeteria in a rush before all of the good food was taken.

I grabbed a tray and made my way down the metal shelf to grab a yogurt and a salad. I smiled as I picked up a packet of ranch dressing, I had missed tasteful food. Gazing around the room I saw Alice and her friends giggling with each other and decided to avoid that. I saw all the same groups as this morning, all sitting in the same places. I saw the one person I wanted to avoid at all costs, too.

I tried to swallow my pride as I crossed my way over to him. I cleared my throat in front of him and he looked up. He seemed shocked to see me for a moment, then glared. I bit my tongue from making a rude comment, then sat across from him and cleared my throat again.

"I'm sorry," I muttered under my breath. Edward dropped his fork and looked at me while hitching an eyebrow. I marveled briefly at the movement and bit my tongue again to hide the smile. That was a facial expression I could never master and envied anyone who could.

"Excuse me?" he asked smugly. A stupid grin dominated his perfect face while he looked me on. I blushed and looked at the table.

"I'm sorry I called you a jackass," I muttered a little louder. "Just because you are one doesn't mean I had to say it out loud."

He snorted loudly and choked on a indignant chuckle. "You're unbelievable, you know that? You come over to apologize to me, and you end up insulting me yet again." he sighed. "I'm sorry I flipped you off, it was rude of me to do that to a girl."

"Shut up, don't gender displace me. I can handle whatever you throw at me." I glared at him. Just because I was here didn't mean I was weak. He grunted and picked at his food, popping pieces into his mouth. I followed along and opened the ranch dressing, pouring it all over my food. I smiled as soon as the smell hit my nose.

"Why aren't you sitting with your new friends?" he asked mockingly. I looked up from my salad -- still chewing -- and shrugged. He raised another eyebrow and waited for me to finish chewing. He was a lot more patient than I was.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"You know, playing the victim won't make you feel any better."

"Isn't that what you're doing?" I muttered.

"Excuse me?"

I looked up yet again, here I had been so quiet that I almost forgot how to talk, and now I couldn't keep my mouth closed. I scolded myself for speaking so much. I didn't want to talk to him, but something about him made me comfortable enough to share everything with him. His bronze hair fell into his green eyes and I blushed for no reason. I bit my lip and looked back up, summoning all the courage I had to finish what I started.

"You're always by yourself. Does that mean that you like to play the victim too?" I asked him timidly. I sincerely wished that I had kept my mouth shut, I didn't want to get into another argument. Especially with so many people around.

"Yeah," he whispered to his food. "I play the victim, and I -- admittedly -- enjoy it sometimes. That doesn't mean that you have to."

"Who says I'm playing," I whispered back.

"Neither of us know why the other is here, and I don't intend to explain, and I'll take it that you don't either. I don't want to fight with you, but it's obvious _why_ we're here, just not the reasons behind it."

"So," I drew out the word. "That means that we're friends… but we're going to keep secrets?"

He smiled at my ignorance of the situation. "Yes, I suppose in Laymen's terms we're friends. Everyone needs someone to lean on every now and then, and I don't really have a taste for all these numskulls in this room."

"Am I one of them?" I asked.

"Yes, but you're the upper class of the numskulls."

"Ha," I laughed dryly.

"So will you answer my question, Bella?" he talked clearly and loudly, though he looked at his food.

"Oh, about Alice and them?"

"Yeah,"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I don't fit in with the girly groups. They all talk about stuff that's foreign to me. I've never been one for fashion or makeup."

"Neither have I," he answered.

I giggled, and tried to stifle the sound with my hand. I hadn't expected him to make a joke, it sounded strange coming from someone who was always so serious. We continued to eat in silence through the rest of dinner. Some people would stare when they passed, I tried to cover my face with my hair, trying to decoy the blush that was very prominent on my face.

"Seven o'clock curfew tonight!" one of the nurses yelled. "Everyone finish up and head to your rooms in fifteen minutes!" there was a groan and grumble at the early curfew, but no one fought back. There was no point in resistance.

Edward and I finished our dinner and headed back to our room in silence once more. I walked beside him, trailing behind a bit. He had a fast, but rhythmic stride that was hard for me to keep up with. When we entered the room, he pulled out a deck of cards and started to shuffle. He held them up and hitched an eyebrow at me. I tried to hide my smile. My father would make that face when he knew I was lying, and I would always laugh.

We sat on his bed playing cards until early in the morning. We played every game we could think of, eventually playing war for two hours. He always seemed to win at that game. I wasn't sure what time I felt my eyelids start to droop, but I knew I had fallen to my side and muttered something about getting up in a moment.

I figured that's what I did before the nightmares started. I had hid them well, trying to discourage them from my mind. I had nightmares before coming to the hospital, but with each passing day they became more and more vivid. I could see the faces that I despised, the faces that made my life a living hell. One in particular loomed over me and smiled while I sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn't scream or make a sound, because there was no point. I didn't tell anyone, just went about my normal business and hid my forming pain.

No one thought twice about my strange behaviour and that made me hurt more. At first the cuts were shallow and few and far in between. But the more I felt pain, the more the numbness took over, I was desperate to live. I wanted to know I was alive, because I sure as hell didn't feel like it. I could see myself below from where I floated. I felt out of reach as I watched the catatonic me slit each cut deeply into her wrist with no emotion or fear. It was only until she smelled the blood that she began to panic and realize what she did.

The same face hovered over me, a distant vision in my sight. I blanched and this time screamed for my life. I was shaking, hurling myself from the nightmares that I knew were real. I screamed again, something tumbling from my lips that I couldn't decipher. I could smell the blood and I gagged.

"Bella!" I heard my name. "Wake up, dammit! Please wake up!"

My eyelids wrenched open and I stopped screaming as soon as I saw piercing green eyes. I was gasping for breath as I looked around my surroundings. A sob escaped my lips and I realized I was crying. When I went to wipe the tears away, I notice the stinging smell of rust and salt.

"W- w- what…?" I stammered.

"Are you alright? Good god, you nearly gave me heart attack." Edward pulled me into his arms and I cringed away. He pulled me back at arms length and looked me over with careful eyes.

"What h- happened?" I whispered

"You were screaming 'don't touch me,' over and over again, then you started clawing at your arms." he said breathlessly. "What the hell happened to you?" I couldn't doubt the sincerity in his voice, the pure kindness and worry that showed protectiveness. But I knew it was an act, all people put on an act.

"N- nothing," I swallowed hard. "Just a nightmare. Oh! I got blood all over your bed, I'm sorry, I'll clean it up…" I trailed off as I went to my dresser's bottom drawer.

His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back onto his bed. I wanted to cringe, but held it back. He kneeled in front of me and glared. "I don't care about the bedding. What was your dream about?"

"Uh… um… I don't really remember to be honest." the lie was not well hidden at all. I could hear the uncertainty in my voice and I knew he could, too. He didn't move from his spot in front of me and I bit my lip. The smell of my blood was getting to me and I started to feel dizzy even sitting down.

"Oh no, don't pass out, please. Hold on, Bella," Edward went to his dresser and pulled out more of the gauze he had on the first day. I stared at the ceiling while he unwrapped the stained bandages and put on the new ones. He was quick and gentle while he did it. I was surprised at the little amount of pain I felt. When the nurses did it I always winced, they used force to make sure that the wounds didn't open back up.

I felt the final tug and looked down at my newly wrapped arms. I sighed in relief at the sight. "Thank you," I whispered.

"It's no problem, will you talk about it?" he whispered back. His emerald eyes were filled with worry and fear. I tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace.

"I thought we were friends with secrets?" my voice was quiet, but there was no humour in it.

"Bella… please…" my eyes started to water as his did and I wiped them away quickly before they could fall. I didn't expect the sheer mass of them, though. Some slipped from my eyes and onto my lap. Edward's hand cupped my cheek and his thumb rubbed away the tears in my left eyes, then he did the same with the other hand.

I sniffed before I spoke in a broken whisper. "It's wasn't a nightmare… it was a memory."

* * *

**A/N: Aren't you glad I fixed it? You would've missed this insane cliffy! Sorry for the double chapter post, I don't know what happened, I'll make sure from now on that everything's okay. Sorry, again!**


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: Good lord and apples! I can't believe how many reviews I have for so few chapters. I love your reviews, too. So insightful and amazing. I know I left a nasty little cliffy, but here it is! I love this chapter.**

**And Breaking Dawn comes out tomorrow, I could barely sleep last night; there's no way I will tonight. Midnight Friday, those quotes on Stephenie Meyer's website are making me antsy. And at comic-con she said her favourite scene was in the fourth book. Did anyone see the footage? Kirsten was a mess.**

I looked at the floor while he stared at me with wide eyes. I could_ smell_ the pity coming from him. I instantly regretted opening my mouth. He pulled himself from the ground and sat beside me in the moonlit room. We were still on his bed, there was still blood on the sheets, too. Seeming to notice my discomfort, he pulled me into his lap -- away from the blood. I sighed in relief, but it was shaky because of his sudden gesture.

"Bella," he whispered into my hair while he stroked my back. "It's okay now… you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. But if you do, I'll be your confidante."

"You mean confidant," I mumbled dryly. "You're not a woman."

"Bella," he was not amused by my stupid joke, and neither was I. his right hand was gentle on my back, while my fingers played absentmindedly with his left hand in my lap. I sniffled again and smothered my face in his shirt to hide a sob.

"I- I…" I stuttered for an answer when I lifted my face from his shirt. Would it be wise to tell someone? If I did, wouldn't that make it real? I had lived a long time without relaying my secrets to anyone, but that might be exactly why I was in this place.

I felt as though I could trust Edward with my life if I had to, but I was still unsure of who he even was. I didn't know him, not well enough to give him my darkest closet secrets. He was nice, he would listen to me, but what would he think? What would he say on the inside if he heard what I had done, what I had been through? I swallowed hard and looked up at him.

His emerald eyes drooped a bit, but they were glowing with worry. I was overwhelmed by the emotion in them and bit my lip to stifle a sob. Why did he care? My teeth chattered, but I was not scared, I was apprehensive. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't, I was scared, but, maybe one day I could.

"You don't have to tell me anything…" he cooed into my hair. I hid my face in the crook of his neck, getting as much out of this tender moment as all humanly possible. Even if it were to be a one time thing, I wanted to know that at one point, someone actually cared enough to just let me cry and hold me tight.

"I- I want to…" I whispered. "But I can't,"

"I know how you feel, you don't know me well enough, right?" he hit the nail on the head, and my silence confirmed it. "I want to be able say that I'll tell you my story first, and then you can tell yours, but I can't. I haven't told anyone the truth, and I know Dr. Cullen can tell. That's why I'm still in this hospital. I don't want to be looked after anymore."

"Why do you care so much?" I murmured into the valley of his neck.

"I may not want to be cared for anymore, but _I_ want someone to care for. All the nurses and doctors treat me with false care, I want the real thing, but I can't have it. I want to take care of something… someone that's _mine_." his voice was strong with conviction. I shook from the sincerity that his speech held and clung tighter to his chest.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. His hands were working to soothe my strained muscles that were tight with my crying. He was trying to calm me, and it was somewhat working. I was tired, I hadn't slept very well since I came here.

"For what?" his voice was a gentle caress.

"I'm ruining your night. First I fall asleep on your bed, then wake you up screaming, then bleed all over you, and stain you shirt…" my voice trailed off with my train of thought, bringing me to what I was really sorry for. "I'm sorry you were alone for so long."

"Don't be, we all have… spouts of difficulty every now and then. Some more than others, and some the same." he smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I'll tell you someday." I whispered.

"I know, and I'll tell you, too." his eyes darted to the clock. "It's only three, let's try to get some sleep."

I nodded and tried to pull myself up, I felt bad for taking up so much space on his small bed. It must not have been very comfortable for him to sleep. When I moved to my feet, he only put an arm around my waist and pulled me down back onto his lap.

"I know you cry at night," he whispered. "You don't hide it very well."

"It's nightmares, and having to adjust to a new place." I whispered with a blush.

"I don't like it, no one should cry alone." his arms tightened around waist and my back pressed tighter to his. I analyzed his words, all of them from what he had said since I'd woken up.

He was alone, too. He just wanted someone to be close to, to claim as his own. My hands rubbed his forearms that were wrapped around me. He didn't want to be alone, it was just the way it was, forced by nature and mankind, just like me. We played the victims, and we were, but it made us feel… what? Better? It didn't, but it was natural, and therefore_ right_.

I stood from him again, and got what he was getting at. His form sagged a bit as I walked away, but perked a little when I crawled into his bed from the other side. I moved the white sheets over me and sprawled beneath them. I noticed his bed was comfier than mine, probably broken in more.

"You comin'?" I slurred sleepily. "It's not gonna' be comfy at all."

He smiled and moved the blankets out of the way, moving the cards onto the nightstand that we had left splayed across the bed. "It'll be nice to have some extra warmth, though. It gets cold on nights like this, they turn off the heat because the sun comes out, but at night it gets frigid."

I hummed lazily and closed my eyes. I tugged at the pillow playfully, to get more of it from the small space. He chuckled and moved closer to me, his arm draped over waist and my heart spluttered in reaction. I understood the gesture, I had seen it in countless movies and read it in just the same amount of innumerable books. It was a protective and claiming move.

"Edward?" I asked on the verger of unconsciousness.

"Hmmm?" was his reply.

I thought for a minute, and bit my lip. "N- never mind,"

"What, Bella?" he was starting to wake up, his curiosity getting the better of him. His sleepy eyes rolled open and I felt bad for making him miss the sleep he obviously needed.

"Um… before when you said you wanted something that was yours…" my voice was small, almost a whimper. "Um, I'll be that," the blush that overcame my face was strong, but well hidden in the dark. I was sure that Edward could feel the heat exulting from my face to his chest, though.

"Hmmm… that's good, but I already knew that." his eyes were closed again, his chin moved to the top of my head and the arm around my waist pulled me closer. "You're not like anyone I've ever met. You fascinate me."

"What do you mean?"

"Not now… tomorrow," he yawned out. I nodded, though he couldn't see, and moved my forehead to press again his collarbone. I felt so small his hold, like the world didn't exist, though I knew it obviously did. I felt for the moment, though, that I was just a little girl who was being embraced during a thunderstorm by someone she loved dearly.

The sense of safety and security made me shiver with delight. I liked this feeling more than any other, it was like a drug, to be able to feel so loved with just an embrace. I felt like it was a miracle, like this was my salvation from all the pain. I had questioned god so many times, but maybe there's a reward for those who are patient enough to wait.

At ease with where I was, and who I was with, I fell into a contented sleep.

* * *

"So how's your _roommate_?" Alice asked in an inferring tone.

I had woken up from a peaceful slumber, only to find a folded piece of paper with a note on it. Edward had an early morning appointment, which made me strangely disappointed. It was warm in the room when I awoke, the sun made everything feel more alive, but I also had extra sheets covering me. No doubt from Edward taking them from my bed. I smiled at the new memories he'd given me.

I had dressed in a stupor, only to realize I had not showered. When I stepped out from behind the curtain, I found a perky girl grinning at me when she caught my eye. It was hard to be timid in front of Alice. Her confidence and giddiness were easy to latch onto and ride out. We had made small talk while she worked her wonders on my hair, even using some homemade powders for makeup. She did have a hand for fashion. I dreaded breakfast again, I felt just as new.

Alice didn't notice -- or didn't care -- the way I moved from side to side. I was debating whether or not to just leave and go back to my room. Almost as if she envisioned my escape plans, Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me toward her friends. They were all there, even the curvaceous blonde.

"Alice you missed Jessica's story time!" one of the girl shouted gleefully.

"Ooh! I love hearing her story, it's so romantic." Alice was a smiles at the new information. "Oh, Bella, you haven't heard about Jessica."

I shook my head as I sat down, and everyone seemed in a better mood at Jessica's story time. I was curious, though. I hadn't heard one story of why anyone was in here, I wondered, and even played games to see if I could guess why some were here. I couldn't peg Jessica, and definitely not Alice down. Jessica cleared her throat dramatically and looked at me.

"Okay, since you're new, I'll start from the beginning." she smiled again. "Last year I was dating this _really_ cute boy named Eric. He asked me out to the movies first, then to dinner, and then he _asked_ me to be his girlfriend. Even after he'd taken me out to all those places." she sighed.

All the girls were leaning in on their hands, sighing at the approproate time. The only ones who didn't seem interested in the gooey and romantic love things were Alice, the girl I remembered as Rosette, the other as Angela and Rosalie. They all seemed enraptured by her tail, and I wondered where it would end more than details in between. I had never been a sap for a romance, I liked to read them more than experience them.

"We dated for a long time. We did all the couple stuff, you know, walks on the beach, prom, he even took me on a family vacation once." she sighed and smiled. "And then he broke up with me, out of no where, too! He claimed that I'd cheated on with someone on the football team. But he was the only one I had ever been with like that. He didn't listen to what I had said. He wouldn't look at me anymore when we would pass each other in the hall or answer my calls or texts. So…" she trailed off dramatically. "I cut his name into my arm. When I went to his house to show him, he called the cops and the you know the rest. I'm here."

Everyone sighed at the end. I couldn't figure out why everyone wanted to hear about that. She cut someone's name into her arm that had lost interest in her. Was she really happy here? She couldn't even steal glances at him when he wasn't looking, or try and speak to him. I stared at my food and pursed my lips, some people were idiots, I knew a lot, and was one of them. It hurt a lot to see so many girls sighing and cooing over a failed relationship, but I guess they had nothing better to do.

"So, Bella, why are you here?" the less curvaceous blonde asked me. She had a nasally voice and I wanted to clear my throat for her. My teeth went to my lips immediately in order to stop it. "What's your deal?"

"Lauren!" Alice hissed. "Don't pick on her, she doesn't have to tell us anything, she doesn't even know us."

"We all tell out stories, why can't she?" Lauren was eyeing me speculatively. I fought the urge to cringe away from her, but I moved back a bit.

"Lauren," Angela warned in a soft voice.

"Whatever," Lauren answered dismissively.

I blushed, bit my lip, and moved my hair behind my right ear so my hair would curtain me on my left side, all at the same time. Alice's tiny hand gently touched my arm and I looked at her. "Hey, don't worry, we all got our reasons. Some people just don't like to share."

But that wasn't the case. If under any other circumstances I might have said something, but I had made a promise that as soon as I was ready I would tell someone else. I would wait until I was ready and eager to tell Edward. I made a promise, and after all, I was…_ his_. I blushed even more at the thought. I only wished that was the drowsiness talking last night.

"No, I'm fine, don't worry." I smiled at her. "I have an appointment in fifteen minutes though. I should get going, see you later Alice."

"Alright see you, Bella." she smiled at me, but it was tainted with worry. Her eyebrows pulled up in the middle, though her lips curved into a smile. I could see past her little pixie parody and see a real, teenage, and caring girl underneath. She did, and acted what and like she needed to in order to survive here. I could praise her for that.

I smiled back, trying my hardest to be convincing, though it was very difficult. She smiled in reassurance again and switched her expression back to giddy with her friends. I could see her façade, the way she needed to be in order to reassure others that she was fine. I understood immediately why she was still here.

I trailed the hall way back to the familiar path of the doctor's waiting room. The windows were open, letting the fall air blow through. I smiled as I sat down in the chairs. Lillian smiled at me and I smiled back. I had ten minutes of waiting, but it was better than being in the cafeteria, better than enjoying _social interaction_. I was so antisocial, I had always been, but shutting people out never got me anywhere. My head was my safe place. I didn't need safe, I had my thick skull.

I picked up one of the random teen magazines that were scattered across the table beside me and started reading some article about flirting. I couldn't help but smile at the dumb tricks the magazine gave out. _Put on extra lip gloss to make you lips fuller, boys will just love the kissable look!_ I touched my lips briefly, they were already full, much more full than what was the average teenage girl. _Show off your best asset! If you can find what makes you the most attractive, use it!_ I couldn't help but giggle. What would I say my greatest asset was? My long legs? Yes, I'm sure using them to trip over my two left feet would get me any boy my heart desired.

I put the magazine back down on the table beside me, only to find that something was blocking my way. I nearly screamed when I realized there was a body blocking my way. A finger pressed to my lips before I could make any noise, then a soft chuckle.

"You were really into that magazine." I looked into his emerald eyes, they were alight with humour and I glared at him. I suppose he was due to give me a heart attack. I had given him, what? Two, since I came here. I smiled back and pushed his shoulder to get him off the coffee table.

"Get up, you're gonna' break the table." He latched onto my shoulders and pulled himself up, though I'm sure he didn't need the extra support. I wobbled a bit and he straightened me out with a chuckle. If he thought that was funny I'd hate to think of how hard he'd laugh once he started to see my clumsiness.

"Aren't you early?" he asked while running a hand through his messy bronze hair. Pieces still fell in front of his eyes and I had the urge to brush them aside. A twisting in my stomach made me feel nervous about the move, though, so I resisted.

"Mhm, but I didn't feel like hanging around with Alice and her friends." I answered honestly. I didn't feel like I fit in, especially since hearing Jessica's story. The way all the girls reacted to it, made me think that their reasons were somewhat the same for being in the hospital. I couldn't pretend to empathize, nonetheless empathize, with them. I didn't understand how feeling for someone that you love could lead to such showy tactics.

"I would do the same. I'm not a big fan of her group, but Alice is nice. She's a little perky, but she's kind to everyone."

"She seems so, it's just that some of the girls don't look at me like they hate me -- which most do -- but like their confused."

"You're big competition," he grinned. "They don't like that."

"What?" I was interrupted when Dr. Lorenzo opened his door and waved me inside. I sighed heavily before moving past Edward with a small smile on my lips. He smiled tightly back, and it sent shivers down my spin.

"Good morning, Bella." Dr. Lorenzo greeted me.

"Good morning,"

"Have you befriended Edward?" he asked with sudden curiosity.

I hesitated before I answered. Were Edward and I friends? Could that be taken into consideration as a friends? He held me like a friend, spoke to me like on, too. We had a lot in common and when we spoke it came naturally, no awkward pauses to try and change the subject. Things just felt… _right_.

"I guess," my voice was quiet, but there was a slight conviction to it. My voice surprised even me with the rightness and sincerity.

"That's good, I told you you'd get along just fine sooner or later." his fake smile gleamed in the early light. "Have you been having any difficulties adjusting to the hospital?"

"No, I've been fine. The beds are a little stiff, but I sleep well." as I spoke, he moved to sit on the arm of the couch beside me. He placed his right hand on my shoulder and moved to sweep my hair to the side and then cup my neck.

I shivered and moved away from his warm, unwelcome touch. He seemed peeved by my movement, but slid into the spot that I once occupied. The seat beneath me was cold, I wished I hadn't moved, but looking at the man beside me, made me want to slide away into another wing.

"You know, Bella," he whispered close to my ear. "We all need a shoulder to lean on in here. Doctors and patients alike. You can open up to me, Bella, in any form you'd like… I'm _always_ open to anything you need me for."

I shuttered away and immediately stood from the couch. I started to breathe heavily, a mix of fear and warning ran through my system. I could see why Edward had warned me in advance. I started to back away slowly towards the door. I hadn't noticed the blinds were drawn and the door closed.

Dr. Lorenzo stood from the couch and advanced on me. I was shaking while I moved away from him. His brown eyes held a terrifying light in them as I moved backwards, only to run into the wall from behind me. I yelped as the wall touched my back and entrapped me in my pooling fear. Dr. Lorenzo was slowly coming towards me, I wanted so badly to scream, but the thought of it made my throat dry. He became quicker the last few steps toward me. His hands pinned my arms to the wall and his chest pressed constrictingly tight against mine.

"Bella, Bella," he sighed. "I'm only trying to help you and you're not letting me. All the girls like you are so willing for me to help them. It's a way of treatment, countless girls go home feeling so much better after my sessions. Why do you think I'm praised so highly as to be Dr. Cullen's understudy? Soon I'll be above even him, I'll have my own hospital like this, where I can help all the girls like you."

I hadn't noticed the tears falling from eyes until his long, warm fingers edged slowly from my cheek to my chin. I flinched and shoved at his arms, only hurting myself in the process. He forced himself harder on me and grunted when my leg kicked his shin. It was all too familiar, the feeling of dread and hopelessness. I summoned any adrenaline in me and flailed my limbs wildly at him. My knee made contact with his hip, a few inches shy of my target.

"Don't touch me," I gasped. He looked up at me while grabbing his hip and smile tightly.

"That's alright, Bella, you'll come to me. They all do. You're no different than any of them." he smiled again. "Maybe when I get my own hospital you can be one of my personal nurses, just like Lillian." he grinned at me and went back behind his desk. His hand waved me off dismissively, and I made no hesitation to leave.

I closed the door with a slam behind me and pressed my back to it. I started to breathe heavily and cry harder as soon as I saw the fluorescent lights of the waiting room. Lillian was behind her desk, stopped from whatever she was in the middle of to look at me. Her eyebrows were pushed up in the center, while a worry line creased her forehead. She looked down at her desk, her eyes were… I couldn't describe the emotion, pain, hatred and disappointed were all that I could make. I couldn't look at her any longer. I didn't want to pity her, that wouldn't be right. I smiled at her and took off. I grabbed the magazine I had become infatuated with earlier and tucked it under my arm.

I went slowly down the hall. The overwhelming urge to seek the comfort of Edward's arms scared me to no end. I had never been dependent on anyone, and the fact that I barely knew him was puzzling me further. I stopped at the bathroom first, splashing my face with cold water and checking the protected glass for any signs that I might have been crying or upset.

"Oh, Bella! It looks like our meeting spot is in the bathroom." came a happy voice. I turned around quickly at the sound and came face to face with Alice. She was smiling brightly, but it was faltered.

"Hi, Alice, how are you doing?" I asked politely.

"Oh, fine," she quickly pulled her hand up and wiped absentmindedly at her left eye. I noticed that there was a slight swollen puff to her eye, something that no one would notice if they weren't so close to her as I was.

"Are you sure," my voice was quiet, willing her to speak her mind.

"Oh…" she answered quietly while sniffling and wiping at her eyes. "You know, we all get down every now and then. You can't let the establishment see you that way, though."

"Yeah," I knew too well about that.

"Ah… so why are your eyes all puffy?" I blanched, I had thought I was clear.

"You have some mucus crust beneath your left nostril." she clarified. I blushed and grabbed a piece of toilet paper to blow into.

"It okay, I got caught with mucus nose before, too. Rosalie saw me and started to laugh until she figured out why."

"I can see that," I smiled sheepishly.

"You're different," Alice said thoughtfully quiet. "I noticed it a while ago, but you're not the same as everyone here.

I swallowed hard, that was the last thing I needed, to be a freak. "W- what do you mean?"

"No! I didn't mean it like _that_. There's nothing wrong with you I mean. You're just different in a maternal sense. I feel warm around you… well, that's what people say they feel around me, but I rarely experience that."

"What do you mean rarely?"

"There's only one other person who makes me feel warm and has a gentle way to them. He's the love of my life, even before I came here."

"Is he your boyfriend?" my curiosity was overwhelming me to know who she was speaking about.

"I like to think of him as my promised future husband." she smiled brightly. "His name is Jasper Whitlock, he's the best guy around."

I smiled at the way she went from morbid to completely at ease. Her smile brought the same one to my face. She was glowing from just mentioning his name. I wondered what it felt like to be so sure in someone… to be so in love with someone that it completely changed your emotions in a split second.

"I'm happy for you, Alice" I said quietly and sincerely.

"Thank you, Bella. I'm not gonna lie, most girls don't like me very much because I'm with such a great guy. But then again, they don't like Rosalie for snagging Emmett, but they're built for each other, just like me and Jazz." she paused and smiled wickedly. "You never answered my question from this morning."

"Um," I hesitated thinking back to all that was said this morning. "Which one?"

"The one about you _roommate_,"

"Oh,"

"Yeah, oh, what's going on there. A lot of talk has been circulating, Edward isn't really one for social interaction. You sat with him at dinner yesterday, didn't you notice all the people staring and talking?"

"Not really," it was the truth, I had other things on my mind at the time.

"He doesn't really socialize with people, I would know, he's best friends with my Jasper. They're a good matching, they're both wallflowers."

"Jasper's a wallflower?" I asked shocked. How could anyone with Alice be a wallflower with a perky girl like her. But then again, if he's a calm and mellow person, maybe she felt most secure with someone who could care for her.

"Yep, he spends most of his time in the library."

"Oh, what does he look like?"

"Medium length blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, a gorgeous smile." she smiled a grin of her own at her description.

"I think I've seen him, he usually sits in the back desk,"

"That's him, I'll have to introduce you!"

"Yeah," Alice's smiling instantly brought me to my own. I didn't feel as upset as before, I was grateful for the release. She smiled kindly at me, her face ever brightening, leaving even the thought of tears go away.

"It's so nice outside, I was just on my way out, you wanna come with me?" she asked cheerfully.

"Sure, I just have to stop by my room." she nodded enthusiastically and followed along behind me. She practically danced down the hallway while we walked along the corridors. I looked around my surroundings only to find that the building was completely empty. No one was in their rooms or walking in the halls, it was eerily silent.

"On such a nice day everyone goes outside to the courtyard." Alice answered my questioning gaze. She was right, the hospital was warmer and took away some of the uncomfortable feelings. If it weren't for the smell, I might have thought I was somewhere else, somewhere less… oppressing.

I opened the little wooden to my room and took notice in the warm breeze that was left through the open barred window. I looked to my right automatically and was rewarded with a familiar gaze. I smiled at Edward and he kneeled in front of his dresser. I put the unnecessary magazine away, promising it would just be for fruitless reading material later.

"Hi, Edward," I greeted brightly.

"Hey, how'd your session go?" curiosity was strained with a hint of pain. I looked up to see him sitting Indian-style on his bed looking at me. I shrugged and smiled at him.

"It went okay, It's so nice outside, though. Are you coming out?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about it, I haven't seen the sun in a while." he smiled sheepishly. "Might be nice to feel and see it again. Forks isn't exactly the place I'd pick to be in."

"Same here," I laughed. I shut my nightstand drawer and stood up from my crouch on the floor waiting for Edward. He stood up from his bed and walked over to me, a smile on his face.

"You alive in there, Bella?" Alice called.

"Yeah,"

"Ah, so you _did_ make a friend." Edward teased.

"I have two friends actually, and you have three from what I've heard." I jabbed a finger in his side and he cringed while he stifled a laugh.

I smiled before grabbing his arm and pulling him from our room. "Come on,"

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**Dr. Lorenzo! What a creep, huh? I struggled to write it, I hate people like that, pushy and creepy, and scary, and pedophiles... who doesn't? :P**

**The tips I made up, but I've seen a lot girls doing that while flirting with guys. If you look hard enough you can tell when a girl is flirting with a guy. The biggest give away is when she plays with her hair. For some reason that's the dead give away. There will be more flirting tips in the future, which I got from a real sorce.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	6. Chapter Five

**No Breaking Dawn Spoilers. Keep in mind people actually do read my reviews for some reason, so if you want to talk about Breaking Dawn PM me.**

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Alice was all smiles as she led us from the room, he walk had a bounce to it. Her hand grabbed onto mine so that I would walk faster and keep up with her. Edward chuckling under his breath and I threw him a glare. The warm breeze moved through the hallway and I smiled against the feeling on my face. I missed the warmth of the sun filtering into everything. The outside courtyard was filled with people. It seemed like the groups had diminished some and there were different cliques playing together.

There were all kind of people playing foursquare, wall ball, basketball, even a few playing dodge ball. Some of the girls were laying on the ground to soak up the sun before it left again. I wanted to do that, but without sunscreen I would burn a bright red. Alice gasped and danced over to a tall blonde boy leaning against a wall with a smile on his lips as he caught sight of her. Alice threw her arms around his neck while he lifted her and their lips met. It was such a private moment, I had a feeling they didn't get to see each other much, and that made it all the more special.

Edward was close to my side, his eyes darting around the place. He seemed excited at the aspect of getting outside, like a puppy being able to roam around freely. I looked around as well. I noticed from the corner of my eyes that a girl looked away quickly from Alice and Jasper, I recognized her as Lauren, the one who had harassed me earlier. Her arm wiped her eyes before she turned to go into another hallway. My feet lurched forward so that I could go forward before something pulled me back.

"Where are you going?" Edward ask curiously.

"Some girl was just there, she looked sad." desperation was in my voice, the need to go after Lauren was strong and I didn't know why.

"You shouldn't meddle in other's affairs," Edward said in a scolding tone. His eyes flashed over to Jasper and Alice who were now apart and talking animatedly.

"Go talk with them for a few moment, I'll be right back, cross my heart." Edward pursed his lips at my promise, but let go of my arm. I smiled at him, almost a grin and ran toward where Lauren had gone. Half way down the corridor, I tripped and slid on the waxed floor. I cursed under my breath, but I could hear something else beside my ragged breathing.

The sounds of quiet sobs were suddenly in my hearing. I pulled myself up unsteadily and quietly moved through the hall. The only sounds were my footsteps and the sounds of crying that I was now nearing. An empty room's door was half way open and I saw Lauren on the bed with her face in her hands.

"Lauren?" I whispered. Her head snapped up and after a moment of clearing her tears, she glared at me. I felt a guilty tightening in my chest and I regretted coming after her. But I knew I wouldn't have dealt with my conscience well later.

"What do you want, _Bella_?" she nearly spit my name, but the anger was marred by shame of being caught. I sat beside her hesitantly on the bed. I didn't look at her, or speak, just sat there.

She was shaking lightly, and it wasn't long until she started to sob again. I wasn't sure what to do, so I did what I wished someone would have done for me, but was only recently able to feel, to achieve that feeling. My right arm wrapped around her shoulder tightly, and I cradled her to my chest. She reeled for a moment, but she eventually stayed and cried into my chest. Tears of my own slid down my face, and I didn't want to stop them. I wasn't crying for myself this time, I was crying for someone else, and it felt kind of nice.

"Lauren, it's okay." I whispered to her.

"No, it's not!" she cried. She pulled herself up and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Why does everyone else get to be happy and I don't? What did I do?" she was in hysterics, screaming at me to relieve some of it. I knew what this was, she was confused and didn't know how to relieve it. The frustration was mounting and even though someone was helping you, you couldn't figure anything out.

"Do you think anyone here is truly happy?" I asked softly. "We're all here for a reason, it's certainly not because we were treated fairly or because we were happy."

"I didn't do anything, why me?" she cried out. Her face was distorted with sorrow, her nasally voice was worse when there really was a cause for it.

"Isn't that the million dollar question…" I murmured before pulling her close to me again. "Why me, why me? Isn't that what we ask ourselves over and over again, only making it a rhetorical question?"

"They were all hurt…_ they're_ all happy. Why can't I be?" she was mumbling the same thing into my shoulder over and over again. My tears were beginning to dry again, but hers were relentless. She calmed down for a moment, she looked back up to me with swollen eyes, I had been seeing those kinds of eyes a lot. Swollen and pain filled eyes would probably fill my dreams for a long time.

I stroked her hair soothingly. "It's okay, I know it's not fair, it seems like everyone is against you."

"Because they are! Everyone, all my friends were, even my _family_." she sniffled. "My dad left my mom when I was little, ever since then I couldn't trust anyone, and I was right."

I held onto her hand tightly and looked at her without pity, but with understanding. "My parents got divorced when I was little, too. I know the feeling, but my mom walked out, _we_ left my dad."

"I wish I left with my dad, my mom had a boyfriend who was terrible." the tears began to well in her eyes again.

"I'll listen, Lauren, I know how it feels to have someone to talk to, to spill out everything, the hurt, the pain."

"I want to, everyone laughs at their stories, I try to laugh, but I can't."

"I couldn't laugh either,"

"He was nice in the beginning," she began. "My mom brought him to meet me after they dated for a couple weeks. He was sweet to her and didn't care that she had a daughter and a son, but my older brother was in college at the time. He would come over and he would drive me to mall so I could hang out with friends. I was so popular at my school, all the boys liked me 'cause I was a cheerleader, I went on some dates and had a lot of friends."

She smiled at the memories, her hand was relaxing in my grip. I knew better than to relax, the worst part always comes when the fairytale life is in its peak. She sighed and the tears came to her eyes, she choked back a sob and looked back up at me.

"Everything was great. My mom had to work late one night, but he was already moving in after two months. I remember he was making dinner, he had some wine out on the table, and I tried some of it, but it was bitter and I didn't like it. We laughed for a while until I picked up the phone call from my mom that told me she wouldn't be home 'til the early hours of the morning. Richard, that was his filthy name, walked me to my room before I decided to go to bed. Everything seemed normal, I brushed my teeth and got changed like usual. Nothing special, just a grey varsity cheerleading shirt and some shorts, and I slipped into bed.

"I wasn't sure how I long I'd been asleep before my bed shook beside me. I mumbled something, but a hand covered my mouth to stop me from making any noise. I knew it was Richard beside me by the cologne scent, he pushed me really hard into the mattress and then started to pull my clothes off of me. I knew he was drunk, I knew from the bitter taste of wine against his slimy tongue that he forced into my mouth. He was so gross against me, I was only ten at the time. I didn't know what was going on, but the man stole my virginity in the harshest way.

"When he was gone, I didn't know what to do. He didn't say anything before he left, just walked out and went to his and my mom's room. When my mom got home the next day, she was wondering why my cheek was bruised, and Richard created a convenient excuse that I tripped on the hallway rug before I went to bed. She laughed it off and never thought twice about it. Nothing else really happened after that, Richard never talked to me, and soon my mom got bored with him and they broke up and I never saw him again.

"Last year the grief of what happened so long ago finally caught up with me and I didn't want to think about it anymore, It was right before I went to bed. I figured no one would notice that I wasn't moving if they thought I was asleep. I took an overdose of Tylenol before I crawled into bed. I was actually scared of what I did and went to go tell my mom before the medication could kill me. I told the doctors it was an accident, but they all didn't believe me…"

She ended up laying down on her back on the bed, I was beside her, holding her close to me while she choked out her story. I kept murmuring _so close_ in my head, because it was, her world was not so far off from mine. The only difference, well one of the few differences was that mine could not be mistaken for an accident. It was clear as day what happened to me.

"Lauren," I soothed her shaking form. "You're so strong, so brave, don't let anyone get you down. You don't have to be ruled by this, you can make it out of here and get better."

She smiled at me a little. "Actually, it's not all bad, the doctors say that I'm making great progress, I should be out of here in less than a month." I couldn't help the pang of sadness that flitted through me. I felt like I made a connection to her, but the thought of her leaving made me feel a little jealous.

"I'm so happy for you, Lauren, that's great." I didn't trust my voice, so I spoke no louder than a whisper.

"I know, I've been here a long time, well, not as long as some people, but still." she sighed and looked out the window. "I've been waiting to get a tan all week. I don't remember the last time I was tan."

I smiled at her as we got up. She pulled me to my feet and we laughed as I stumbled into the hallway. Some of the girls called for her as we went back outside, she smiled at me and ran off to her friends. She wasn't meant to be alone and sad, she was much too social.

I looked back over to the wall where I last saw Edward and let out a sigh of relief to find that he was there with Jasper and Alice. I walked over to them and sat on the ground between Edward and Alice. I immediately leaned toward Edward, my rock. My emotions were mixed from the time I spent rehashing Lauren's past. It felt amazingly good to help her, to see a smile instead of a sneer on her face.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Edward asked quietly. I smiled and waved him off. He must have seen through it, though. We would discuss it later, though, at a better time.

"Bella, you haven't met Jasper yet," Alice interrupted cheerfully. "Bella, this Jasper, Jasper, Bella." Jasper matched her description well. He was very handsome, about Edward's height, with blonde hair and sky blue eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Bella." he greeted. He had a slight southern accent, not bad, though. He had a nice smile, too. I could see why Alice would fall for him, or any girl for that matter.

"You, too, Jasper," I smiled back. Alice talked happily through our time outside. She would comment on how my hair would look pretty in the sun, that the red brought out the colour in my skin. I would laugh off her compliments with a blush stained on my cheeks. I wasn't sure how long we had stayed outside, but soon the winds began to pick up, bringing the cold fall air along with it.

Eventually everyone headed back inside, the cafeteria was full by the time we got in. Edward and I went to get dinner, while Jasper and Alice saved a seat. I knew what Alice would want, and Edward knew what Jasper liked. I made a face when he picked up one of the ribs drenched in steak sauce. Edward made one, too. "I don't like it, but Jasper loves the ribs and chicken here."

I laughed and shuddered at the same time. I was more than happy to stick with my pasta and salad. The table that Alice and Jasper sat at was close to the table that Alice's friends were at. I smiled at Lauren, and still to my surprise, she smiled back. Edward sat close to my side, I could tell he was uncomfortable being around all these people. I didn't feel comfortable while he didn't. I grabbed his hand under the table and looked up into his emerald eyes. His fingers curled around my hand and my heartbeat sped up.

"A- are you alright Edward?" I whispered. He nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. I swallowed as I looked over his expression, I felt a warm blush take over my cheeks with his unrelenting stare.

The intercom bell made us both jump as the announcement for curfew was called. We laughed at our inattentiveness and got up to dump out trays.

* * *

I stretched my arms over my head, ignoring the dull throb that was ever-present these days. It was something that I had gotten used to, but would not miss once it was gone. Edward chuckled at my happy demeanour as we walked down the hall to our room. My skin was warm, and my stomach was full, I was a happy girl. Despite the morning events of my appointment, I felt… good. I pursed my lips at the recent events, it all seemed so overwhelming.

When we were inside the room, Edward plopped down on his bed, stretching out his limbs with a pop. I laughed and rubbed his stomach like a cat. He was strange, but he was also a wonderful person. I had grown fond of Edward since the past few days. He was nice and considerate. I wondered what made me so different from everyone else.

"I'm going to change, I'll be right back." I called as I exited the room. I slipped on my shorts while in a stall and then my shirt. I yawned and stumbled back into the room. Edward was still sprawled out, his eyes closed and his lips turned up in a smile.

"You just gonna stand there?" he murmured. I visibly jumped, but brushed it off since he didn't see. Moving carefully as not to trip, I sat beside him on his bed. I brushed the hair from his forehead and smiled at the mess.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked quietly.

"Hmmm?"

"Can you answer my question from last night?"

"Why you're special to me," he didn't ask, just stated it matter-of-factly. His eyes opened slowly, showing me the deep pools of green that made my stomach go aflutter. "I could give you a million reasons."

"A few are just fine," I smiled at him. He shifted me a little so he could pull the blankets over to get under, once he was underneath, he pulled me to his side.

"You're different from the other girls," he started. "When I first came here, the nurses were all over me, then the patients. I didn't like the attention because I was so used to being alone and fending for myself. I guess you just appealed to me, even when I practically ripped your arm off."

He grinned sheepishly and ran his fingers over my arms gently. I smiled back at him, showing that I wasn't harboring feelings of resentment. His arms wrapped around my sitting form while his head rested on the pillow.

"You also look like someone very close to my heart." my chest constricted immediately. "She was the most important woman in my life." I started to breathe a bit heavier, I couldn't figure out why I was suddenly hyperventilating while choking on my tears.

The swell of hurt in my chest was killing me, my heart was twisting and I could feel the little tears march shamefully down my cheeks. I gritted my teeth together to hold back the sobs. Edward was using me because I reminded him of some other girl that he loved. I should have been offended -- which I was -- but pain was stabbing at my insides.

"Bella?" he asked in a worried tone. I struggled to remove myself from his arms, but managed to untangle myself from him. He called out my name again, this time in slight panic.

"It's nothing, I'm going to see Alice. Good night, Edward." I didn't wait for a response before I left, there was nothing to hear. I made my was down the twists of the hallways before stopping at Alice's familiar door. I knocked once before she opened it.

"Bella!" she squealed. "What are you doing here?" her enthusiasm didn't catch me this time. I smiled sadly before the tears gathered in my eyes.

"I don't know," I choked out.

"Oh, Bella, come in." Alice took me to her bed and sat me down. "What happened, are you alright?"

"Y- y- yeah… it's j- just E- Edward," I cried.

"What? What did Edward do? If he tried anything…" she let her sentence run off threateningly. I shook my head and cried harder.

I felt so stupid, I didn't know why I was crying. I should have been with him, he was the one that needed me, he was finally opening up and I walked away. But the sharp ache in my heart was hard to ignore, I felt like it was torn and twisted. My hand went over my chest and clutched at my heart as if that were going to stop the sting. Alice didn't say anything else, she let me cry my eyes out and lie in her bed.

When she was asleep, I found that I couldn't. I didn't like the new room, I had just gotten used to my own room. Even with a body close to mine, I found that it was of no comfort. Alice's body was so small and tiny, I instantly missed the way Edward's large body held me closely, the way I molded to him like a key to a lock. It hurt so badly to think that there might be someone else who felt that way, that maybe there was a duplicate set of keys to that lock.

The sound of Alice's fast breathing was not comforting to me, I missed the deep heavy breaths that let warm air flow from the top of my head down my neck. It was absurd how after only one night of sleeping in Edward's arms, that I couldn't imagine sleeping without him again. I sat on the side of the bed and got up shakily. I was so tired, but I just couldn't sleep.

I walked aimlessly through the halls, I wondered why there was no one guarding them. The bathroom echoed in the dim lights above, I felt some fear, but it was drowned out by the drowsiness. I drank some of the metallic water from the sink and breathed deeply._ Should I go back? _I thought to myself. I didn't want to go back and embarrass myself like that, it was no business of mine whether he had a girl waiting for him once he got out. I was jealous of him, though, on the outside I had no one waiting. I didn't know what my parents thought, what they would want to do with me once I was out, if I got out.

The halls were quiet as I walked down the waxed floors on my bare feet. The floor was cold, it sent goose bumps across my skin and I remembered what Edward had told me about days like these. I wanted nothing more than to have a warm body beside me. It all seemed like a distant dream now, but I stood right outside the door, where he was only a few yards from me, but so far away.

I put my hand on the door, but not the handle, that would be too tempting. Leaning my forehead against the wood, I breathed deeply. I could smell his scent faintly. It wasn't musky like most men, it was still boyish, but had a clean and warm feel to it. I closed my eyes and felt the tears run down my cheeks. If he had someone on the outside, I would be here for him on the inside. We were friends… that's what we'd clarified. Friends with secrets, he could have kept that a secret. What right did I have to intrude on his personal life?

I leaned away from the door and let the frustration push me. I was confused and hurt… so hurt. This pain was nothing like what I'd experienced physically, the mental pain was hurting my body with grief. I whimpered as I pulled away from the door, I wanted so much to open it, but it wasn't my place. The pain of loss was great on my heart. The tears flowed endlessly, uselessly. I tried to calm myself, but to no avail. My false words didn't fool the mouth they flowed from.

I stared so intently at that wooden door, the thing that separated me from the one person who caused this damned pain. I wanted to curse him, but I would curse the gods before him. My eyes were dry with my unblinking stare, and the moment I closed my eyes, for a fraction of a second, it opened. I came face to face with undulated emeralds and my knees gave out beneath me.

"Whoa," he breathed as he caught from falling to the ground. He caught me from under my arms, while my hands gripped onto his biceps. I hadn't noticed before that I was trembling, but my arms were shaking.

Edward wasted no time in the hall and brought me back inside. My meager weight was no challenge for his strong arms. He hauled me to the bed and wrapped me in the sheets. His body slipped next to mine, his arms holding me to his chest. I instantly calmed at his touch, my tears omitting as well as my shaking and irrational thoughts.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair, his warm breath fanning down my neck. "I didn't mean to offend you, I know I did, I didn't mean it that way, though." he breathed deeply into my hair, his tense body slackened and then moved as he stretched to grab something. "See this?"

He handed me the same picture frame as my first day here. I took the frame from him with great care. I looked over the picture in the light from the moon again, the people looked new to me in the long while since I had first seen it.

"This woman here," he pointed to the only woman in the picture, the woman with kind eyes. "She's my mother."

My eyes widened and I looked back to Edward in shock and guilt. "Oh my god, Edward, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, it took me a while to figure out why you got so upset, but I got it… eventually." he smiled tentatively. "Elizabeth Masen, my mother, I avoided you at first because you reminded me so much of her. You can probably tell by the lack of recent pictures that… that… they've both passed away."

"Edward," I breathed before he put a hand up to stop me.

"Let me explain, please. That's why I avoided you at first, you have the same eyes as my mother, and it hurt… a lot. I've been through a lot without my parents, and just when I thought I could be self dependent, you showed up." I ran my fingers gently through his hair and held his head to my chest. His arms circled around my waist and pulled me close.

"It's okay," I murmured into his hair. "I was avoiding you at first, too." he looked up with a curious expression on his face.

"Why?" his voice was quiet and light.

"I didn't want to make any friends. I didn't feel like I deserved them, because I was lesser than everyone here for one. Also, I didn't want any attachments if I left."

"What do you mean 'if'?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I had a few thoughts of finishing the job while here, but all the mirrors are covered and the silverware is plastic." he flinched and pulled me closer to his side, his arms tightened more. "Don't worry, I don't have thoughts like those anymore."

"Good," he mumbled sleepily. "This is the second night we've gone to bed after midnight." I nodded and snuggled deeper into his chest. I sighed and felt his warmth envelope me. It was a comforting feeling, something I hoped I didn't and wouldn't ever leave.

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**A/N: My Breaking Dawn fixation is over! I spent the whole week talking about it, and I still don't know if I like it or not. It seemed choppy in a way, but whatever.**

**I know that Edward's mother has emerald green eyes, I fixed it up so that she would match Bella's, though. Most guys like girls who remind them of their mothers, it's a well known fact apparently.**

**Next chapter is one of my favourites, shirtless Edward and Jasper fun. Yummy. :)**

**Sorry for the long intervols of updating. FanFiction wasn't getting my documents through, but it's all better, expect an update later this week or on the weekend.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: No Breaking Dawn spoilers. Just like I promised, shirtless men.**

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The morning came too quickly, the clouds were back, though, not allowing any sunlight to filter through them. I sighed and moved closer to Edward. I hadn't woken up to being next to him, he was gone before I got up the day before, and I felt a smile tug at my lips knowing my face was buried in his chest. His arms were tight around me in his sleep. Our legs were tangled under the sheets; the blankets were strewn across the bed. His breathing was even while his face was buried in my hair, I smiled into his chest.

"Good morning," he mumbled, making me jump. I looked up from his warm chest to see his hooded eyes staring down at me. The green shown through his dark lashes, I huddled closer to him.

"'Morning," I muttered sleepily. He chuckled, the movement sending vibrations through my body. His arms wrapped tighter around me, his legs trying to untangle the death grip I had on them. My legs fell back and I stretched them out, my knees popped and I hummed in pleasure at the feeling. "I don't wanna get up," I complained.

"Neither do I,"

"Then let's not," I said while snuggling closer to his warm body.

"If I sleep anymore I'm going to be so sore," he mumbled with displeasure. "I should go to the gym, I haven't gone in forever."

My head perked up curiously. "There's a gym?"

"Mhm, in the back. Not many girls go there, it's a guy place." he chuckled.

"I can be manly when I want to be," I pouted while attempting to show off my 'guns' or bony arms.

"You are not manly in the least," he groaned while getting up. I sighed and pulled myself up and went to the bathroom.

The shower was warm, the water working to unknot my tense muscles. I sighed in relief at the unwinding pressure and spent much longer than what was necessary in the warm water. I was surprised to see that Alice wasn't in the bathroom with me, it had become our meeting place, but I did see Lauren.

"Hey, Bella," she greeted.

"Morning, Lauren," I smiled back. "Are you headed to the cafeteria?"

"Yep, as soon as I dry my hair." I felt as comfortable with Lauren as I did Alice. I had misjudged her, she really was kind. I looked past her voice and cold exterior to see the teenage girl she really was. We made our way the cafeteria in comfortable conversation before Alice waved us over. Jasper was by her side, he was talking to Edward with a tired expression. As I neared, I heard their conversation.

"Yeah, I'm up for going to the gym." Jasper said to Edward.

"Oh! Can I come, too?" Alice piped in.

"You'd be bored, there's nothing to do." Edward interrupted. Alice glared at Edward and I giggled when Edward rolled his eyes at the little faerie. Jasper was smiling to himself while eating a meal biscuit drenched in gravy. I felt the urge to gag and Edward had the same the expression when he caught mine.

"Bella will come with me," Alice sang. "I won't be bored if she's there. We won't be in the way at all, scouts honour."

"I'll go," I agreed. Edward scowled at me, and I smiled, the picture of innocence. Jasper was shaking his head back and forth, his smile only widening. "We'll be good; you'll never know we're there. Besides, I never even knew there was a gym before this morning."

"Fine," Edward sighed. Alice and I squealed and threw our arms around his neck. We both hit each other, and while Jasper laughed like a fool, we were clinging to Edward in gratitude, or something like it.

When breakfast was over, Edward and Jasper left to get an extra change of clothes, while Alice and I waited in the lobby for them. Alice turned to me speculatively. "So, where did you go? When I woke up you weren't there."

I sighed, pursing my lips before I phrased my words carefully. "I went to see Edward." I paused; she moved her hand to signal for me to continue. "We talked and made up. It was just a stupid argument, nothing really."

"For you to be that worked up last night, it must have been a little bit more than nothing." she muttered to herself.

Before I had time to answer, or for her to ask more questions, Edward and Jasper came down the hall. They each had a pile of white under their arms and towels. Jasper latched onto Alice's hand and smiled down at her, I could've sworn I saw Alice swoon right there. I giggled and we moved forward. It wasn't as difficult as I would have thought; I'd probably passed it a dozen times and never been any wiser to its whereabouts. The gym was right by the downstairs bathrooms, across from the woman's and men's room.

Alice and I took a seat on the leather bench near the wall and watched as Edward and Jasper got their machines ready. They glanced at each other as they got on the twin treadmills and got on. They turned it from a slow walk, to a jog, to a full on run. They would look over at each other, an unspoken competition between the two. They had run for close to ten minutes before I could see the sweat pouring from both of them. They were drinking furiously from the water bottles they had brought. Their leg muscles looked strained as they continued to run. They both looked at each other while panting and cranking up the speed again. I inhaled sharply as Edward took his shirt off, throwing it beside me on the bench.

"This is my favourite part," Alice giggled in my ear. Jasper pulled off his shirt next, throwing it in the direction of Alice and started to run faster. The sweat was dripping across Edward's chest, running down in tiny droplets. His pectorals were bouncing lightly and contracting against the well defined muscles. He threw his head back as he pressed his body further, a grunt came from his throat as he moved faster.

I was barely aware of Jasper beside him as he slowed down his machine, Edward following suit. "I… finally won," Edward panted. A victorious smirk graced his lips as he balanced himself on his knees with his hands.

"Yeah… how did that… happen," Jasper responded. His accent wasn't noticeable when he was panting so hard. Alice danced up to him, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the sweat dripping from him to the floor.

I couldn't pull my eyes from Edward, though. I felt a blush cover my face as I figured out he was probably staring at me. I pulled my eyes from his glistening chest to his eyes, they were light and a grin was on his face. Edward pulled me to his side, his sweaty arms wrapped around my shoulders and neck while my back was pressed against his chest.

"It helps to have a good luck charm." he grinned while pulling me closer. I blushed a brighter shade of red and squirmed a bit at his intense body heat. The sweat wasn't too appealing either, though. "I should've brought Bella with me sooner. If I'd known you were my key to beating Jasper I would've brought'cha here everyday." he was still panting in my ear, much slower now, but it still made my heart race.

"I don't think Bella would mind," Alice giggled to Jasper. I threw her a glare, quick and deadly before smiling up at Edward.

"Congratulations then," I laughed. He grinned back, resting his chin on the top of my head. My hands went to his strong forearms and reveled in the musty smell of him. Anyone else would have smelled disgusting after running at top speed for several minutes, but it just made Edward more entrancing. I blushed again at the thought of me liking Edward sweaty and gross. What was wrong with me? But then again, I was a teenage girl, would it be so wrong to think like that, I had never before.

"Should we go to weights?" Jasper asked. Edward nodded enthusiastically as they made way to the weight benches in the corner of the room. They started to fool around with the weights on the bar and put on heavier ones. "Fifty or seventy five?" Jasper asked.

"Seventy," Edward answered. "Thirty five on each side, no need to strain a muscle with uneven weight."

"Didn't think about that," Jasper muttered. Alice laughed and pulled me over to one of the machines benches to watch them get the machines set. "Ready?" Jasper asked Edward, who nodded.

They gripped the metal bar above them and removed it from its little cradle. Their arms went straight and then bent at the elbows, to their chests, then touch the metal bar. They repeated the same rhythms over and over, straight, bent, touch, and back up. I became mesmerized by Edward's movements. His eyebrows were pulled together in physical concentration, his biceps flexed with each movement, his perfect sculpted chest moved up and down with his breathing. I found myself matching my breathing with his, my teeth going to my lip and biting down hard.

Edward looked down after who-knows-how-long and caught me staring. I blushed immediately, and he winked at me before going back to concentrating on his weights. Alice giggled beside me and shook my arm while she was still laughing, but I was concentrating on not passing out from lack of breath. My heart was pumping in my ears and my breathing was shallow. I wasn't concentrating on matching Edward's breathing anymore; I was trying not passing out in a grungy gym.

I hadn't once looked at Jasper the whole time since they had started. He looked like he was having more trouble than Edward. I understood why Edward was so giddy; it was obvious Jasper was better with his legs, and Edward with his arms. Edward's biceps were larger than Jaspers, but Jasper's calves were more defined than Edward's. This must have been what kept them going, the constant drive to beat each other out. I was glad they found something to distract them from the daily life of living in a hospital. I was worried, though. Edward's arms were still scarred, he told me they didn't hurt anymore, but just the thought of him pumping iron with injured arms worried me.

"Okay," Jasper gasped. He pulled the bar back up and put it back on the rack before sitting up. Edward did a few more pumps before he put it back up. His body was shining in the lights right above him. A crooked smile was on his lips, his body was a sin, so well built and glistening. I gulped and tried to redirect my gaze before I got caught staring again.

"Two in one day, wow, Jasper." Edward said mockingly.

"Show off," Jasper muttered. "Just 'cause you have Bella today doesn't mean she's your good luck charm."

"You're just saying that because Alice isn't yours." they continued to razz each other on for a few minutes while Alice and I laughed.

"Oh!" Edward stopped short and looked at the clock on the wall. "I have an appointment in three minutes. Damn, I forgot."

"Oh yeah, Dr. Cullen is back today." I said with sudden enthusiasm. "Well go before you're late." Edward laughed and pulled on his clean shirt before jogging down the hall. How could he run with all the energy he just used?

I turned when I heard snickering from behind me. Alice and Jasper were side by side giving me strange looks. "Enjoy the show?" Jasper asked sarcastically. I blushed and glared at my feet.

"Oh, come on, Jazz," Alice giggled. "She's just shy. Who wouldn't enjoy that anyway? Right, Bella?" Alice danced up to my side and wrapped an arm around my waist before leading me out from the gym.

"I'm going to shower, Allie." Jasper called to us.

"You better! You smell like an old shoe!" He chuckled before walking off into the men's room. Alice turned back to me. "You have a crush,"

I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at Alice like she was an alien who just popped from her small form. Alice was only smiling angelically and continued to walk back to the stairs while dragging me along. She was humming to herself and giggling every now and then. I had no idea where she was taking me, but if she was delaying this discussion, it must have been pretty bad. Her trail stopped outside of her room, where she threw me to the bed and closed the door quickly.

"Tell me," she ordered me. It was a vague command and I wasn't sure what to say. Alice didn't seem to notice this as she continued to look at me with an intense concentration. I gulped and raised my eyebrows. "Oh come on, Bella! It's really obvious, Jasper knows, I know, I wouldn't be surprised if the lunch ladies know it!" she exclaimed.

"Know what?" I mumbled. I crossed my legs on her bed and leaned my back against the metal framework. Alice was becoming impatient and it was showing. "I'm not in high school, nuh-uh, I'm not 'dishing' about boys."

"Bella…" she drew out my name and pouted, her bottom lip jutting out and her eyes near tears. I knew she was acting, but she was damn good at making a person feel guilty and giving into her.

"Fine," I sighed. Alice nearly fell off the bed while bouncing up and down in excitement. The smile on her face was enough to tear her cheeks apart. I felt a little nervous; she seemed rather… animated to gossip.

"Yay! Okay, first things first, what did you guys fight about last night?" I sucked in air at the question. Looking back, I realized how much of an idiot I had been. I got jealous of his _mother_. I felt even more like an idiot over the fact that I got jealous at all. Alice was waiting for me and I blew out my air before I admitted to my shame.

"He was telling me why I was special," I started.

"Uh-huh,"

"And then he said I reminded him of someone. So I got all uppity about it and stormed out of the room because I thought he was just hanging around me because I was reminder of someone on the outside." Alice was all ears; she was leaning forward expectantly and hanging onto my every word. "That's when I came to you. I got all upset and started to cry, I don't even know why. When you were asleep I kept tossing and turning so I left 'cause I didn't want to wake you."

White lies were everywhere in my story, and I was surprised she didn't catch them and make me go into elaboration. She was so focused on what was happening, what was to come in my story, that she didn't notice the small false note. I was becoming a better liar since coming her, I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I sighed before going on, trying to figure out how much, and what to tell her.

"So I went back to my room, and I waited for a while. He opened the door and I was there, and he apologized for upsetting me and not understanding. He told me that it wasn't what I thought it was and showed me an old picture that he keeps on his nightstand. He showed me it and told me I looked like his mom, which is kind of true. We have the same eyes I guess, and the same personality."

"Well, guys usually do lean towards girls who remind them of their moms." she said rather calm. As if knowing she said something she didn't really care about, she shot up straight and raised both of her eyebrows. "You got jealous of his _mom_?"

"Yeah," I whispered miserably looking at my hands. She burst into a fit of giggles, falling onto her back and trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. Her whole face was red as a tomato; she had some tears leaking from her eyes, too. "Okay, okay, are you done laughing at my expense?" I huffed.

"Oh my god, Bella, that is so embarrassing." her giggles subsided enough for her to squeak out.

"Yeah, I know." I muttered. Her laughing continued and all I could do was look at my hands and try not to let her see the red that stained my cheeks. She was trying hard to stop laughing, and soon it subsided to chuckles, but the damage was done. The grin on her face was inescapable and she looked like she was trying to speak, but would choke on her words when she did.

"What did you do?"

"I apologized, and he said it was fine. And then nothing, we fell asleep." I finished with nonchalance, but I was hoping she wasn't reading too much into it. Her eyebrows went uneven, not as much as Edward's, but more than mine could. I knew she didn't believe me, and I cursed my useless lying skills.

"Is that _all_ that happened?" she asked with a smirk.

My face became engulfed in heat and I shook my head rapidly. "No! That's all that happened." she busted out with giggles again, but these were short lived.

"I know, I know, I'm just messin' with 'ya. So…" she hesitated and pursed her lips. A smile came to her lips, but this time it wasn't from amusement. A kind expression crossed her face, one of compassion. "Do you like him?"

I pursed my lips, trying to decipher her question. Of course I did, Edward was my first real friend here, he understood me more than anyone. Whenever I felt overwhelmed he wouldn't hesitate to soothe me and calm me down. The feelings I had were unrealistic for someone I had not known for more than a month. I bit my lip hard and continued with my storming. I liked Edward as my friend, that was without a doubt. But as more? Edward was my safe haven, my guiding light so to speak. Looking back, I couldn't imagine how I would have made it through the hospital without Edward. To feel trapped within myself again was something that seemed unbelievable.

Then there was Edward the Adonis himself. The strong arms, chiseled abs the rippling muscles. My cheeks enflamed with just the thought. The way we slept, our bodies so tightly together, allowing me to feel every hard line of his perfect body on mine. The heat that coursed through me at every sound or movement he made when he slept. His incredible eyes that held me every time I looked into them were my favourite, though. My undoing each time, anything he wanted, with those amazing emeralds he could have. The way he was so possessive of me, how he called me _his_, the very thought made my stomach knot.

Edward was a perfect package, his beautiful physique that could have any girl bowing at his feet with a wave of his hand, and his incredible personality. His uncertainty and kindness, they matched him so well. A perfect man, a true gentleman and good person that didn't deserve to suffer; to endure the life of solitude he so thought he deserved. That maybe I could love him as more than a friend…

"Yes," I whispered, my voice strong with conviction. I was still looking at my hands. I was afraid to look up at Alice; I had just admitted something very personal. My heart sped up at just the thought of what I had just said. The things that I had said in my mind rewound themselves and played over and over again, but I could find no fault in them. It was true, probably the truest thing I had spoken since coming here.

There was no other explanation. It had to be true, and I wanted it to be true. The way he would touch me, even the most casual touch, sent my nerves in a frenzy, made my heart palpitate to an unhealthy degree, but I enjoyed so much. I would find myself staring at him with no remourse when I'd been caught, and when I'd smile at him, he's smile back. He wouldn't give me the fake smile I had seen him give to others, but the real one, the crooked grin that I loved best. He was a good person, the kindest I had met, I knew more than anyone here, maybe not all the details, but emotionally we were connected. I wanted to know more about him, what I knew was not enough, never enough. I was always eager to know more about him, about who he is and was.

My thoughts were thrown off track when I was tackled to the bed from the side. I heard squealing in my ears, and it really hurt. "That's great, Bella!" Alice laughed. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Alice," I gasped. "No, it's not like that. I might like him, but he doesn't feel the same."

"Huh?" she asked stumped. Alice pulled back from me to her former sitting position and had a dumbfounded look on her face. I sighed and played with the ends of a strand of my hair.

"I'm sure he's just humouring me. He's amazing, and I'm… ordinary."

"Are you insane?" Alice's anger flared. "Did you not just say he was telling you all of things that made you special to him? He was practically courting you before you stormed off in jealousy!"

"Huh?" it was my turn to be confused.

"Bella, you obviously don't know how men work." she sighed. "I thought that Jasper didn't like me at first because he was so shy. It nearly broke my heart. But then we sat down and talked and we were instantly in love. I've seen the way you Edward connect, it's more than Jasper and I did in the beginning when we just started out. If you talk with him I'm certain something will happen. You can't just give up and say you're not good enough, Edward will probably think you're not interested, you have to flirt!"

My eyes popped open and I suddenly remembered the magazine I had taken from the waiting room. It was safely tucked away in my nightstand. I bit my lip, how the hell would I flirt, I'd never so much as a boyfriend before and now I was going to flirt with an Adonis himself? Alice was clearly delusional.

"Just try it, Bella," Alice said. "I gotta go, I'll see you at dinner, tell me how it goes later. And don't you dare try to skip or forget about flirting! Remember; walk straight, chest out and shoulders rounded." I laughed at her as she model-walked out of the room, her hips swaying daintily as she excited the room.

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**A/N: I love this chapter. Who doesn't love sweaty, topless Edward and Jasper? Throw a Carlisle in and you've all the sexiness the world can harness, not to mention Emmett. :P**

**I know I said I'd update sooner. Truth is I've been sleeping off pain meds. I sprained my ankle in a really tender spot. Good news is, since I can't really move, I'm typing a lot and focusing on writing. I'm really hauling through this story. It's so addictive to write. **

**I promise to update sooner, and thank you for the death threats via PM they really got me motivated****. X3**

**Don't forget to review!**


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: No Breaking Dawn spoilers. Sensitive subject material after the page break, just a warning, if you'd like to skip through some it. 13 sentences/ paragraphs/ lines beyond the page break is where you should stop for the sensitive subject.**

**Enjoy!**

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I sighed a breath of release as I entered my room. Edward wasn't there, probably still at his appointment. I quickly went to my bed and pulled out the magazine from the day before. I flipped open to the article on flirting and breathed in deeply before continuing from where I had left off. I felt like an idiot for reading this. I had never been one for flirting, I tended to avoid dating when all possible. I flipped to the page and started to read the immature flirting techniques.

'_Playing with you hair can give you a really friendly and personal atmosphere. By pushing the hair over you eyes, the guy you like will feel a pull to push your hair away, and it'll give you a 'come-hither' look that guys just adore.'_ That shouldn't be a problem, my side bangs were always in my way, though they had grown a bit since being here, they still fell in my face, constantly making me frustrated. I'd just have to learn to not tie them back or push them away. '_Use your lips and mouth! Appling lip gloss not only makes your lips look bigger, but it draws attention to your mouth. Every guy loves a girl's lips, whether it be for kissing or other things.' _I blushed a deep shade of scarlet at that. '_Instead of drinking from a cup, use a straw and play around with it between your teeth.' _

I sighed again, this couldn't possibly work. There was no way these middle school advances could give me any success. I tried to ignore the pessimistic thoughts and continued on with the idiotic ideas. _'Eye contact is one of the best flirting tools. By batting your eyelashes and staring him straight in the eye, he'll know that you're interested and flirting with him.' _That was easy; I used any excuse possible to look into those emerald orbs. '_Don't be shy, leaving feather light touches on him whenever you get the chance may confuse him at first, but soon he'll get the idea and start reciprocating on his end.' _I groaned loudly. '_Use your smile! By smiling at the guy you like, he'll see that you're friendly and approachable. Don't forget to laugh at his jokes, no matter how small or unfunny they are, using your laugh works as well as your smile.'_

I sat up and put the magazine away. This certainly wasn't going to be easy, but I would try it out, and if I felt uncomfortable I would stop. Alice couldn't kill me for trying and failing. I bit my lip hard and dug through my nightstand again, finding what I was looking for. I pulled out the little case Alice had given me, full of nail polish and makeup that I never used. I took some of the clear lip gloss, ignoring the coloured ones and applied it on my lips. I hoped I didn't look like a fish.

I crossed and uncrossed my legs while waiting for Edward. I didn't know how long it would be until he returned, but my cheeks were burning. This was so stupid, why did I agree to this? No, I didn't agree, I was forced into this. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe he would go along. I flipped through the same magazine and looked for a similar article for men. It was all the same, smile, eye-contact, be aware of when a girl is flirting. '_Square your shoulders to show that you're comfortable with speaking to her. Girls like the dominant guy, too many nice guys don't get the girl because they're too attentive.'_ I snorted, Edward was a nice guy, admittedly a jerk in the beginning, but he was a great guy. Though, girls talked about him constantly, was it because he ignored them? Another one caught my eye._ 'If a guy plays with his hair, or raises his eyebrows, that means he's interested.' _Edward played with his hair all the time, that shouldn't even be a tip.

I closed the magazine, frustrated that I couldn't find any tips that he would be flirting. I felt like an idiot, the embarrassment was washing over me; my stomach became knotted and rolled over with the empty butterflies. I was about ready to wipe of the lip gloss and pretend like I was asleep; if that wasn't the moment he walked into the room. His eyes met mine and I blushed, trying my hardest to keep eye-contact. I smiled back at him and he sat beside me on my bed.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hi, how was your appointment?" I asked conversationally, and out of curiosity. I could feel my bangs slipping from behind my ear and I felt a sudden adrenaline rush through me, I was really doing this.

"Great, I spoke with Dr. Cullen. We talked a bit; he went out with his wife this weekend to this Goat Rocks place. I asked why, you know there's a lot of wild animals up there, but he said the view was beautiful. When I'm out of here I'll definitely go up there, you should come, too. Though, maybe we should bring a gun." he chuckled and I giggled along with him. I got laughing out of the way, but I might have laughed even if I wasn't on specific orders to.

"I'm not one for hiking. I tend to be a bit clumsy." I bit my lip and looked up under my lashes. I felt like a toddler trying to get a parent to buy me a candy bar, but he smiled at me.

"I know, I've seen. I wouldn't let you fall off the mountain side, though. Hiking isn't that bad, and if you get tired I could always carry you." he laughed again, and I blushed, while letting out a nervous giggle. "Do you want to get lunch?" he asked.

"Sure," I answered. I was so nervous walking down the hall. We were not more than inches from one another; his hand was so close to mine. I bit my lip again and tried to ignore the nervousness that had permanent residence inside my bones.

The cafeteria was pretty much empty when we entered. A few people were in there for a late lunch, it was about two anyway. Edward and I got our food with a comfortable silence around us. I wasn't sure how to bring anything up, but he did it for me.

"How did your appointments with Dr. Lorenzo go?" he asked quietly. "He's not exactly… comfortable."

"I noticed that," I murmured. I grabbed my fork and put it between my teeth while staring at the ceiling. I looked back at Edward, who was staring at my mouth. Maybe flirting was easier than I thought. "He was… very hands on. His smile scares me, and we didn't do any talking about much at my sessions. He was more interested in other things it seemed."

"You didn't let him… do anything, did you?" his eyes were darker; the emerald went to a dark shade.

"No! I wouldn't let something like that happen. I mean, besides a few uncomfortable shoulders, or knee grabs, that's really all…" I tried to lie, but I didn't believe myself. I swallowed hard, suddenly scared. I hadn't thought he would ask about my sessions, and the fact that he did, and that I had just lied unknowingly, made me scared beyond belief.

"What did he do?" Edward asked in an icy tone. He leaned forward, his forearms pressed against the table, his hands interlocked, almost shaking. I swallowed and looked into his eyes; he trapped me there, making me unable to look away. I wanted to lie, but I would upset him further lying.

"You have to promise not to get angry." I told him.

"I _will not_ promise that." he nearly growled.

"Edward,"

"Isabella," his eyes were flaming, his hands shaking worse than before. He leaned across the table, bringing his face closer to mine, his eyes reeling me further in.

"Um…" I hesitated. "He didn't hurt me or touch me." I sighed in defeat. Edward back up a little, not fully back into his set, but his anger seemed to wheel away a bit.

"Tell me then."

I looked down at the table when his gaze lightened, then back up to him. "It wasn't much, really. He was using a lot of suggestions when he spoke, telling me if I needed _anything_, he would help. It was scary, I'll admit, and when I wasn't accepting his advances, he just proved that your warnings were right."

"Oh god, what did he do?" Edward asked, concern dripping from his voice. I looked back over at his sudden movement from sitting to standing. He walked around the table and sat in the chair beside me. He pulled me into his lap in a sudden movement and I blushed, and gasped in the same moment. My heart began to race and I bit my lip hard. His face buried in my hair, and I could feel his lips on the top of my head. "Bella," he sighed.

"It wasn't bad," I whispered, the memory hitting me hard. The stinging in my eyes alerted me to the sudden pain that was resurrecting in my mind. That moment in Dr. Lorenzo's office wasn't what scared the distant memories were what made me scared, the damn similarities were what terrified me. Edward's hands pulled me closer to him, his arms wrapped around my torso while my silent tears stormed down my cheeks. And then it hit me, he was interpreting this wrong. I pulled back and looked at him. His eyes looked hurt.

"Bella?" he asked.

"That's not it!" I screeched. "No, nothing happened like that! I was just scared, so don't think he did that, I wouldn't let… him." I began to sob openly, the few people in the room were looking at me, and I could feel their stares.

"No, it's fine, Bella," he murmured as I cried into his chest. "You scared me for a moment, you'd be surprised how many girl here _let_ him do that to them. I know some of your friends who actually went to him so that he could 'take care' of them. I think Dr. Cullen knows, but he has no evidence, none of the girls would protest, they feel like they owe him something." he was whispering to me, his voice was lulling me into a calm state.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"For what?" his voice was frustrated. I chanced a look up at him, and I realized I didn't know what I was sorry for. For scaring him? I should have been sorry for that; he didn't deserve to be worried over me.

"I don't know," I mumbled into his chest.

"That's okay," his velvet voice whispered. His left hand stroked my hair, while his right hand rubbed up and down my arm. I closed my eyes, feeling the sleep deprivation I'd been experiencing catch up on me. My tears began to stop, and my eyes slid closed. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly and let the last of my trapped tears fall from my cheeks.

"It's okay," Edward whispered while stroking my hair. "You just need some sleep, clear your head." I was jostled as he moved, but then I realized what he was doing. His arms went under my legs and I was pushed closer to his chest before he rose to his feet.

"Oh!" I gasped. "I can walk, put me down." I began to push against him while he started to walk.

"Do you want me to drop you? Because if you keep squirming that's exactly what's going to happen." he didn't stop while he spoke, his eyes were intent on the hall before him. After debating whether or not to keep moving, I stopped and rested my head in the crook of his neck. I had a feeling he might just drop me, and I really didn't want a bruise on my bottom.

His strong arms held me close to his body; I bit my lip at the proximity. What was wrong with me? I had been sleeping in the same bed as him for two nights in a row and I was embarrassed now? But it could have been the fact that I had admitted that I had feelings for Edward that certainly were more than friendly. How could I not, though? I trusted Edward more than the people I had known before I came here. It was terrifying; to believe in someone else, to have so much trust and faith that you couldn't imagine them being wrong.

Edward placed me on a bed, and judging by the way I sunk in, I could easily tell it was his bed. Perhaps that meant he felt the same? He said I belonged to him, just the way he had been possessive of me made a shiver run down my spine. I _liked_ the way he was, the way he took care of me. Edward sat on the bed beside me, brushing some of the hair from my eyes. He leaned forward a bit; my skin flustered as he drew closer, and then his lips met my forehead. I was frustrated, but I was nearing unconsciousness, if he did… kiss me, I'd want to be completely awake and be able to respond.

He laid beside me and I immediately snuggled into his chest, the warmth soothed me. But I couldn't help but think of something, I didn't want to see him so hurt over me. I wanted him to understand, though. I wanted to him know about me, and I didn't care if he didn't tell me first, the fact that he was willing to listen was enough for me. But I had never told anyone, and I was tired of being scared of remembering, I wanted to cry my heart out and relieve some of the pain. If Edward was willing, I would tell him as soon as I awoke.

* * *

My dreams were unrelenting. The fear was settling in even while I slept, for I was not meant to tell anyone of what happened to me. I felt as though I was breaking taboo by giving out information. My mind was punishing me, forcing me to reconsider what I was sure of. What would he think? Would Edward pity me, or worse, would he be disgusted with me? I didn't want that, and the very thought made me feel sick. I didn't want to lose the strong bond that Edward and I had made; it was the most important thing to me, the absolute epitome of a close friend.

But… I needed to release this heavy load from my chest. It had been too long, so long without solace on my soul. Keeping everything locked up inside had made me a different person. I had never been carefree and lively, but I had never been depressed and so hopeless. The depression was overwhelming, and I wanted nothing more than to relieve it. Being around Edward had made everything so much… easier. His smile, his laugh, even his scent made me calm and actually feel happy for once, content with who I was and even where I was at. I had been grateful, so grateful, that I had come here. Even though most people would absolutely loathe the idea of being confined in a hospital and having to go to regular sessions, and start over to make new friends, I had felt more content here than anywhere else.

I knew I was undeserving of Edward, that was never even a thought. I couldn't hold onto him, it was inevitable that we would separate, but I chose to be ignorant and ignore that fact. I would make the most of our time together, though, even if I would never be the same when he was gone from my life. I would never know happiness without my Edward. I would claim him, just as he rightfully made me his. I would show him that I could hold him just as he could hold me. I didn't want to be weak, I wanted to take away his worries, as well, not just burden him with mine.

My teary eyes opened and looked to the face with an agonized expression. His emerald eyes were sad, they were a bit watery and glistened in the moonlight. We would never have a full night sleep at the rate that our midnight troubles seemed to schedule themselves. I swallowed the lump in my throat and focused on his magnificent eyes, I would miss those the most, but we had a while to stay together. He was so much better than I was; he had probably spoken with the doctors and was set to leave in a short amount of time. Maybe he would wait, but he had been here for so long, why would he?

"Edward," I whispered, my dry throat cracking. He smiled sadly at me before he reached over to his nightstand. I smiled as soon as I saw the glass of water he grabbed. He was considerate, and that made him all the more endearing to me. He helped me sit up and held the glass to my dry lips.

I inhaled the water and sighed when I was done. My throat felt much better, and my lips were a bit smoother afterwards. Edward was close to my side, rubbing my back in a rhythmic pattern while I breathed evenly. I looked back over to him; he was stoic, his expression showing none of his emotions, but his eyes… they were gleaming, assessing.

"Edward," I whispered to him, his eyes met mine and I tried my hardest to continue on with this. "I… I think I'm ready." he raised his eyebrows at first, but then his eyes widened and he watched me intently.

"Bella, you don't have to on my account," he murmured.

"I want to, that is, if you still want to listen."

"Of course I do, anything you want to tell me I will listen. I'm here for you, don't you ever forget that." I wouldn't, he was my angel.

"I don't know how to start." I whispered while looking at my lap. His arms wrapped around me and hugged me to his chest. This was most comforting to me, it was scary how much I confided and felt comfortable with Edward, it was unhealthy, unnatural, but I needed it, I _wanted_ it to be like this. This was all that I would ever want.

"Start from the beginning, tell me about your life." he voice was perked with interest, and I realized that he knew as little about me as I knew about him. I wanted that to change.

"I guess it all started when I was a little girl. My parents got divorced when I was still a toddler, my mom moved to Jacksonville, Florida, and my dad stayed here in Forks. My mom got remarried, but I don't think my dad ever got over his love for my mom. They were in love, but they fell out of it. They got married young, at eighteen." I sighed and shifted a little in Edward's lap.

Edward's arms constricted tighter around me and I snuggled closer to his chest. "Not everyone falls out of love, it depends who it is, and how you feel." I blushed, hiding it his chest. I swallowed hard and felt the butterflies in my stomach and the hollowness start in my chest. I was growing near where I didn't want to be, but I promised to tell him.

"When I turned seventeen," I began, pushing my face from his chest so he could hear me. "I moved back here with my dad so my mom could spend time with her new husband. She said I was never any trouble; she acted more like the child than I did, but I wanted her to enjoy her time with her husband, Phil. My dad, Charlie, didn't mind having me back, I moved into my old room and went to school like any other teenager." I breathed deeply. "I made some friends, some in town, and others in the neighbouring town of La Push."

"I've been there, the cliffs are nice, the sunsets are beautiful." he murmured, his tone light. I smiled, he could feel the tension growing, knowing where this was heading.

"They are," I sighed. "My dad's best friend's son invited me to a party, just a few friends. Jake was nice, and I invited a few of my friends. We started on a beach, there was a bonfire and a couple kids from out of town brought… some kind of alcohol. I didn't want to drink so I opted to be the designated driver, but that didn't stop the others from drinking their fair share." my heart began to beat shallowly in my chest. I breathed in a shaky breath. "So a couple of kids decided to move it to one the houses nearby, they said their parents weren't home. Everyone was really drunk, my friends were talking to the kids from La Push and I'd lost Jake at some point, I thought he might be hurt because he'd drunk a lot more than some of the other's."

I swallowed hard again, my breathing increasing and my heart beating to an unbearable degree. Edward's arms wrapped around me, but the tears still slid down my cheeks. I choked on a sob and tried not to go into hysterics until I'd at least told him what had happened. I couldn't leave him hanging on a thread and become speculative of what I had told him so far, I knew where his mind would take him, because mine would, too.

"I didn't find Jake, but I found one of the kids from out of town further into the woods smoking. He was tall; kind of big with dark hair, I'd heard of him before, but I couldn't remember, I still don't know." I sobbed but took a deep breath to continue. "He was flirting with me, asking me if I wanted to go inside with him, I agreed, but only because I knew I wouldn't be able to find my way back on my own. He brought me to a house, but it looked like everyone was too drunk to notice our arrival. I saw Jake and one of my friends talking, and I thanked the guy for helping me back. I excused myself to go to the bathroom a few minutes after talking with him, I didn't like him, but he was persistent with his attempts to get me to go somewhere with him.

"After I left the bathroom, thinking that he might have found someone else to talk to, I saw him standing outside, leaning against the wall." my voice cracked and Edward pulled me closer. "He didn't even let me assess that he was there before he grabbed me and threw me into a room at the end of a hall. There was no one around to hear me shrieking my lungs out; he put something in my mouth, a bandana or something of the sort." I stopped, sobbing openly into his chest.

"Bella," Edward whispered into my hair, I felt something cool slide into my hair and saw that tears were sliding down his face. I couldn't let us break down yet; I had more I needed to say.

"So, he just… forced himself on me and no one knew. It wasn't long before he was done and left me on the floor of some stranger's house. All I remember was a lot of pain; there was a lot of blood and pain. I don't know how I made it out of there. I think I half-crawled-half-limped out of the house, I disregarded my friends and went home. Charlie was at the station late that night, he was a cop and wasn't home very often. For six hours, until the early time of the morning, I sat in the shower and scrubbed my skin raw. My legs were the worst, the pain was nothing, though, and it didn't help because I still remembered, and the pain only made it go away for a little while.

"I didn't tell anyone, I avoided people a lot. I made it seem like I was angry that they all got drunk and I had to leave early because of it, so eventually people just avoided me, even Jake did once I lashed out at him. I didn't have anyone come summer, just a few weeks later." I coughed on my sobs. "There was something wrong with me, I was sick all the time, and I just thought it was the past few weeks events that had caught up and made me like that, but then my mom said something to me that made me think differently, she said that her and Phil were trying to conceive, and she started to go through what she was feeling, and what she should be feeling."

"Oh my god," Edward whispered brokenly into my hair. "Bella," he choked out into my hair. "My, Bella," his sobs were heartbreaking, his tears on my scalp brought my own, I turned to sob into his chest, and looked back up, breathing unsteadily, I needed to finish, I had.

"I… I took a test, a- a pregnancy test, and it was… it was positive." I cried. "I didn't know what to do. I was scared, and my emotions were out of control, I did something so bad, so terrible." I was in hysterics, near the point of hyperventilation. I willed myself to continue, pushing the air out to form the words that would either set me free or break me again.

"Bella… Bella…" Edward was crying into my hair, his arms holding me tightly to his chest, his breath choking him, alternating between panting and sobbing.

"I killed it!" I screamed into his chest. "I fucking killed it!" I started to scratch at my arms again. I ripped the gauze from my arms and tried to shred the skin again, I needed to do this, I needed to die, I deserved it.

"No!" Edward screamed. "No!" he pinned me to the bed, his hands holding onto my bloody wrists, his tears falling from his eyes onto my soaked face. It was too sudden, the way he was pinning me down was too reminiscent of worse times. I screamed and thrashed against him, making contact with various parts of his flesh. I heard the door fling open and Edward was pushed off of me in an instant.

I pulled myself up and saw Edward crushed against the wall by his shoulders by Dr. Cullen. I screamed and tried to push Dr. Cullen away from Edward, I could see the pain that he was causing him by holding him and pushing him so closely to the wall. Dr. Cullen growled, actually growled, not in the pathetic way I did when I was angry, a feral snarl ripped from his throat and I stilled.

"No!" I screamed, snapping from my daze. "Don't hurt him, don't!"

"What happened?" he screamed at the both of us. We were both silent, out tear streaked faces twisted in secrecy and confusion. What could we say? Edward wouldn't betray my trust, but I didn't think he would lie to Dr. Cullen; it was up to me to speak.

"Please let him go," I whimpered. "Please,"

"What happened? Why was he on top of you? Why were you screaming?" his nostrils flared as he noticed my bloody arms, an incredulous look crossed his face as he narrowed in on them.

"Carlisle, I wouldn't do anything." Edward reasoned.

"What do you expect me to think, Edward? The scene I walked in on was not very convincing." Dr. Cullen tightened his grip and Edward winced.

"No! Don't hurt him, I'll explain, but please let him go!" I pleaded. Dr. Cullen looked at me with a dubious expression, but slowly let go of Edward, who slid down from the head bored and kneeled on the bed. My hands went out to rub the spots where he had been so brutally handled.

"Explain," Dr. Cullen ordered.

"I was telling him," I sobbed. "Didn't you tell me that I needed friends, someone to trust? It was overwhelming, and Edward was just trying to help when I freaked out. He didn't do anything, he was helping me." there was no false notes when I spoke, because it was the honest truth, the first truthful thing I'd told him since I got here. I wiped the tears from eyes and looked up at Dr. Cullen. "He didn't do anything wrong, he was helping me, I'm sorry."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, a move I'd seen Edward do many times before. "Alright, I believe you," he sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward, I reacted on instinct, I didn't mean to hurt you, let me see what the damage is."

"I'm fine, I've had worse." I winced when he said that, my eyes flashing to his arms, but quickly back to his face. Dr. Cullen narrowed his eyes, and with a sigh, Edward took off his shirt and sat up straight.

The bruises were far from minor. Disgusting shades of purples and brown colored the smooth white skin of his shoulders and some up to his neck. How could Dr. Cullen do that? He couldn't have been that strong, and he held him for less than thirty seconds. I held Edward's hand in my lap while Dr. Cullen applied medical ointment to his shoulders. Small tears escaped my eyes every now and then, not being able to forget about what I had just said even though all of this happened so quickly. My thoughts skipped from Dr. Cullen and his inhuman strength, to the things I had just told Edward. The guilt was sinking in my heart, and shallow, controlled breaths were the only thing that was keeping me sane.

"There," Dr. Cullen murmured. "It's late; you should retire for the evening."

"Yeah," Edward whispered.

"And you, too, Bella. You've got an appointment early tomorrow."

"I know," I copied Edward's tone of voice, but it was the only thing that I could trust my voice with. I was afraid it would break, or worse, I would start to cry again. I swallowed and continued to play with Edward's hand in my lap. I felt lifeless, I was unable to finish, and I didn't want to at this point. The memories were too much, just way too much for my heart and body to take.

Dr. Cullen stood, a wary expression on his usually solemn face. "Bella, why don't you come with me? You need to be treated before an infection starts." I had completely forgotten about my arms, they were the least of my worries. I stood -- reluctantly -- from Edward, and Dr. Cullen lead me from the room back to his office. I saw someone I had no desire to see at his own office. Dr. Lorenzo looked up from his desk and smiled a sleazy smile at me, I cringed into Dr. Cullen's side, and he put a hand on the small of my back to lead me into his office.

I sat on the leather couch and waited while he got gauze, towels and some kind of cream. He was even gentler than Edward was, his hands wiped away the blood with a towel and then put on a stinging lotion that he promised stopped infection and helped to heal the wound quicker.

"Take this," Dr. Cullen murmured. He handed me a pill with some numbers and letters engraved on the side. "It's a painkiller, it'll help you sleep." I nodded and swallowed it with the water he gave me. I didn't look at him the entire time; I feared if I did, he would want to start our session now. Though, I doubted waiting until morning would do much of a difference.

"Thank you," I whispered. I was feeling out of it, this had not gone as I'd expected it. I thought I'd be crying all night, mourning for my morbid sin.

"Bella," Dr. Cullen whispered tenderly, his cold fingers brushing the tears I hadn't notice were falling out of the way. "I know you confide in Edward, but I'm just as secure, I won't tell a soul, speaking is part of the healing process."

"You have to tell others," I mumbled.

"No, have you ever heard of Doctor patient confidentiality?"

"They'd be curious as to know what break through lead to my being released; you'd have to tell them." I was crying again.

"I'm regarded as a very good doctor, Bella. No one questions my judgment. If I say you're good to go, they listen to me. But I never just _let_ anyone walk out of here; I need to see improvements with my own eyes. It doesn't matter what anyone else says, if I think you're ready, then you're ready."

"I can try," I whimpered. "But I just told Edward, and it hurt… a lot. I didn't even finish…"

"That's alright, Bella. You'd be surprised at how long Edward's been here, and the minuscule amount that he's relinquished to me. But we make more progress everyday. He only talks to me; I've never seen him so interested in anyone. And in all his time here he's remained completely stoic, an emotionless slate. I never thought in a thousand years I'd see him cry, Bella. That's a step for him, a big one." I blinked confused, _Edward_, I sighed.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen," I murmured, meeting his brilliant gold eyes. "Thank you so much," I gave my best smile before I stood up, the painkillers already making me drowsy.

"It's fine, Bella, take care of Edward for me." he smiled back. I saw genuine care when he spoke of Edward, like a father of a son. Edward had addressed Dr. Cullen in such a familiar way before, calling him Carlisle. Their relationship was something private and special. Not doctor and patient, father and son, I could see that.

I trudged down the hall, eager to get back to my safe haven. When I appeared at the door, I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't knock and stood inside the dark room. I checked the clock before I closed the door; the hall light told me it was four in the morning. I sighed, another late night. I spotted Edward's sleeping form, his body lightly moving with his deep breaths. I moved to him without a second thought. I curled myself beside him, brushing some of the wetness from under his eyes. I moved some of his bronze hair from his face and kissed his forehead. I curled myself into a ball at his side and felt his arms wrapped around me in his sleep. I let silent tears fall into the bedding underneath me. I would let myself be wrapped in misery for one night, it would be hard to recover from, but I needed something. The sleeping pill kicked in, and I let my dreams take me to place that was my own personal hell.

* * *

**A/N: It took me a while to decide what Bella's story would be. I didn't think muder fit with her personality. No! Not her doing the murder, but witnessing it. I wanted something that would fit with her, something that would be able to express who she is. I had something in mind, but when I was writing she took over and broke from my plot and planning.**

**I like the transition from the beginning to the end. I had so much fun with the flirting tips. Some I made up, and some I asked from my best friend. He's a guy who likes to flirt, so he knows when a guy is attracted to a girl. I wanted to make it playful, but slowly move to disaster, because that's what it's like. The characters took over this chapter, and I like the way it came out.**

**In the book it says she's not maternal, I know a couple girls who gave up their babies or something else amoung those lines, and some I don't think will ever get over it. Bella -- believe it or not -- _wants_ to heal, but she doesn't know how. Keeping a secret for a long time strains on you after a while, and eventually you think you should be treated one way, or don't deserve something. Edward's showing her that she can be treated in another way than just suffering alone, though she's still going to suffer.**

**Just thought I should explain in case anyone wanted to know.**

**If anyone decided to skip past the page break just review or PM me and I'll give you full, light detail.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	9. Chapter Eight

**I could give you my excuses, but they're not good enough. School, work, and the mundane homework. Also, I originally posted half of each chapter on deviantART, so I always update there before here, so no one gets any spoilers from either site. So where there's a page break in every chapter, that's where I cut it off to post on dA.**

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My nightmares left me waking up in a light sheen of sweat, only to have the sleeping pill pull me back into my nightmares and terrors. I couldn't escape it; everyone was watching me while I was screaming for help. The dark sweaty man above me was smiling cruelly down at me. I was screaming, kicking, thrashing against him, but my body was like gelatin. I had given up, whimpering Edward's name, but he wasn't there. I could see his kind eyes, the ones that watched me with a happy light to them, but they slowly turned black with disgust. I cried for my losses, for the child I had thrown away, and the man that I was falling in love with. The thing that made everything a reality was that I would do it again. If knowing what I did now while being in the same situation, I would have repeated the same mistakes, I would have, without a doubt. There truly was no hope for me.

I could not lie to Dr. Cullen; he seemed to know whenever I did. That left me with one option, I would tell the truth. I would tell him everything, cry to my hearts content, and then, when I was out of this place, I would suffer the fate of my child. Mine would be quick, though, so that I could not back out. That thought would have elated me a month ago, but now, I felt saddened by it. I had someone this time; I wasn't alone anymore, for the moment anyway. If Edward wanted to leave, I would let him. There was no point in having him stay with me just for guilt and pity. I would feel better if he were mad, though, I knew that would not happen.

I had been staring at Edward's face for close to an hour, it was almost nine, my eyes were having trouble staying open, but I wouldn't close them. Edward's sleeping form was enticing, I loved the way his steady breaths blew his sweet breath in my face. His expression was different, though. He was usually so peaceful, now he looked pained. A tear slipped from my eye and I bit my lip to stop the rest. My mind shamelessly went to Edward's face last night, the one covered in tears as he sobbed with me. My past did us no justice, but I was curious what his was. No, I messed him up enough for a life time, maybe more.

I ran my left hand through his bronze tresses and sat up as quietly as I could. He groaned a little, his hand groping for where I had just been, and I smiled a little. My many doubts faded for a moment when he shifted. I grabbed a new pair of clothes and headed to the showers. I avoided all eyes and hopped in quickly, I washed my face of all dried tears and hopefully redness. I dressed in the shower stall, trying to avoid people. I looked in the mirror and noticed my eyes were bloodshot. Avoiding breakfast, I went straight to Dr. Cullen's office.

Lillian directed me in, where Dr. Cullen smiled at me. He offered his cup of untouched coffee when he saw my disheveled form. "I thought you might need it."

"Thank you," I murmured before I paused. "I thought coffee wasn't allowed for patients?"

"It's a one time exception, besides, you're probably going to need it through this session." he smiled at me. "It's black, though, you might want to add something to it."

"No, this is fine," I muttered, I made a face when I tasted the bitter coffee. Dr. Cullen chuckled at my reaction. "I think I might need some sugar,"

Dr. Cullen was patient with me while I slowly drank my coffee. I stared into the black water and sighed a few times. My dreams crept up on me when I was spacing out, and as soon as I was done Dr. Cullen refilled my cup. I smiled at him, grateful, after a while the coffee didn't taste too bad and I could feel myself perking up. Caffeine and I didn't work well together, but it was better than being half-dead all day.

"How was your sleep?" he asked conversationally.

"Unpleasant," I muttered under my breath. "The sleeping pill put me to sleep, but the nightmares kept waking me up." he looked through a couple files on his desk and looked genuinely concerned.

"If it's affecting your sleep, I can put you on a prescription."

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine; it's just that last night wasn't… my best." Dr. Cullen nodded, understanding on his face. I was starting to warm up to him, he was very kind and seemed to care about what I had to say. I was glad that I got him as my long-term doctor, and not Dr. Lorenzo. Just thinking about that man made me shudder.

"You're quite fond of Edward, are you not?" he asked me, his voice light. I blushed and looked at the carpet, was it really that obvious? I pursed my lips and stared at my toes.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

Dr. Cullen chuckled, and my blush only heightened. "That's fine, Bella, he's quite infatuated with you, too." my head snapped up and I looked at him confused. "I don't think you see it, but he stares at you all the time."

"Won't that cause problems? We're rooming together, I mean." why did I bring it up? I mentally smacked myself and cursed a violent storm at my sheer idiocy.

"Depends," Dr. Cullen turned thoughtful. "I'd hate to take you two away from each other; I've never seen results like this before. Can I trust you, Bella?"

"Yeah,"

"Then it should be fine." he smiled at me and I cocked my head to the side. "It's part of your treatment, just keep it a secret, though. Not too much public affection."

"Oh," I mumbled. "Yeah, of course," I smiled back at him; I saw a picture of a pretty caramel coloured hair woman with him in a picture on his desk. She had the same golden eyes as he did, and had a motherly look to her, very maternal. I took the frame in my hand and looked her over.

"My wife," Dr. Cullen stated.

"She's very pretty," I whispered. "Edward said you went to Goat Rocks the other day, how was that? Shouldn't the wild animals be out, it's almost time for hibernation?"

"We wanted to go see them before they went _into _hibernation actually. Nature is something that shouldn't be overlooked. The mountains are beautiful, though."

"I would imagine," I murmured. I missed the setting sun in the horizon, and the smell of fall leaves before they fell from their branches that would soon be covered in snow. "I haven't been to the mountains or the cliffs in a long time." my voice was wistful, remembering better times from long ago. My child hood was spent wandering in the woods and watching the horizon from heights that made me feel like I was on top of the world.

Dr. Cullen hummed in agreement; his gold eyes looked out his unbarred window and into the distance. I let him think for a moment, he looked calm, peaceful. I could see the thoughts racing through his head, though I was unsure of what they were. I would like to think like that, but I couldn't. The things I would think about would break me, and they were something I shouldn't be alone with. I wanted to be with Edward, the overwhelming urge to leave and see if he was still sleeping peacefully pulled my legs in the direction of the door. But I didn't move, Edward deserved to rest, he'd put up with a lot lately. Smiling, Dr. Cullen turned back to me, his eyes still somewhat distant.

"Dr. Cullen?" I asked shyly.

"Carlisle," he corrected.

"Um, Carlisle," the name sounded informal on my on my tongue, but I continued on. "Why did you get into this profession?" not knowing was killing me, he seemed to care so much, but I couldn't figure out why.

"No one's ever asked me that," he murmured. "I guess… I had the chance to work in a hospital, and I did, but I wondered where the people who left with depression and other things went to. When I came here, a hospital where patients are physically and emotionally injured, I felt like this was my calling. I want to help people, and though there are plenty of physical doctors, I wanted to help the emotionally, as well as the physically ill." he finished with a youthful smile, but one that showed exactly how much experience he actually had, I wondered how much he knew. His knowledge seemed infinite, he could so easily tell when a patient was lying, but he was comfortable.

The emotionally weak… was that what I was? I was unstable, that much I knew, but weak? I was able to take a hit when someone insulted me; I wouldn't cry from that, if someone said something wrong to me I wouldn't break down. I broke down last night, though. That was much more different than insulting and that was my darkest secret. Only Edward knew now, only he had seen me at my very worst, and I had seen him. Dr. Cullen intruded on that moment, but he only saw the after effects, he didn't know.

"Is it fulfilling?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered automatically. "A bit tedious, and because we're in the middle of no where I have to work for a few days at a time before I can go home. But I have my wife, and she's more than supportive," he smiled at me. "Esme would love you."

"Don't you have a family?"

"You're sounding more like the therapist than I am."

"I'm curious," I muttered. He chuckled but continued on nonetheless.

"Just my wife, Esme. She comes by sometimes, I'll have you meet her." his smile was genuine, and I let a small one graze my lips. "And what of your mother?" he asked.

"Oh," I sighed. I took in a deep breath and blew out noisily before speaking. "I haven't seen her in a while. The last I heard she was still with her new husband in Florida."

"Wouldn't you prefer Florida over Forks?"

"I don't tan well," I mumbled.

"Neither do I," I cracked a smile, he _was_ very pale. "But, you never really see the sun here, so I guess it perfect, huh?"

Our conversation went on in a casual tone for some time. Part of me knew that he was trying to get me to warm up to him, but he was very kind. He never pressured me in areas where I hesitated, and he was always listening, asking me little questions about everything. He was most concerned with my family, though. He asked about my father, my mother, Phil, friends from school, which I hesitated most on. An hour had flown by in no time flat, and soon Lillian knocked on the door to tell him he had a meeting.

"I'll see you soon, Bella." he said while shaking my hand. "Let's reschedule another session in a day. You'll have tomorrow free, enjoy your day off." he smiled kindly, and after I wished him the same, I left from the lobby.

My legs moved me steadily to my room, ignoring the people I saw along the way. My stomach was in knots as I grew closer, my jaw began to tremble while I contemplated what to say to him. I breathed deeply, trying to will away the tears. If Edward had enough I would let him leave, he didn't owe me anything, on the contrary, I was indebted to him. I hesitated at the door and bit my lip; my stomach felt as though it would split itself in two, but I couldn't delay this, there would be absolutely no point.

I opened the door quietly, and looked to Edward's side of the room. I couldn't remember the last time I walked in and observed my side first. A smile formed on my lips when I walked into our room. Edward was still asleep; he had turned onto his stomach, his arms under his pillow and the look of concern still on his flawless face. I opened some of the curtains to let the light in and walked over to his side. I kneeled back on the bed and brushed his hair from his face. He stirred under my touch and his eyes started to flutter.

"Morning sleepyhead," I whispered. Edward looked over to me and his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. His arm moved from under his pillow and rubbed at the sleep still in his eyes. He hooked his arm around my waist in a movement I didn't see and moved his face to my hair.

"Morning, Bella," he mumbled. I giggled into his chest, but it was off, not quit right in either of our ears. His arms wrapped around me tightly and I looked up to him from my spot beside him. His eyes were intense as they met mine. I blushed as soon as he looked down at me; my teeth went to my lip while he looked over my features.

I scooted back so that my head was on the pillow that his was. My fingers played with his bronze locks and pushed them from his emerald eyes. We stared at each other for a while, my hands still playing in his hair, his hand was rubbing up and down my back. It wasn't awkward, I couldn't feel awkward with Edward, it was _right_ and I liked it this way. I wanted it to stay like this for the rest of time. I would give up everything I had outside of this hospital to stay here with Edward.

My hair slipped from behind my ear and over my left eye just a bit. My heart was racing as he moved his hand to brush the hair from my face and he leaned forward. His lips touched the skin of my forehead, then the corner of my eye, my ear, my cheek, my nose, and just when he was at my lips, he stopped; his emerald eyes inches away from mine, his lips were not more than an inch away.

"Bella," he whispered. "I want to kiss you…" I surprised myself by not hyperventilating on the spot. His eyes bore into mine, his sweet breath smeared all coherent thoughts, and I found my eyes becoming lidded as I touched his nose with mine.

"Then do it," with my whispered desire, his lips met mine in a fiery moment of passion. His lips were so warm against mine, so soft and unbearably sweet. My hands gripped at his shirt as to pull me closer to him while his hands moved to my lower back to push me further into our embrace.

Our lips were rabid on the other; I had had enough of playing around. I knew this was more than just a silly crush; this was pure, untainted love. Or wasn't it? I was tainted, but Edward, he was pure, an angel sent from heaven itself. The doubt in god slipped from my fingers while I kissed him harder and he replied. Our breathing was more like panting, our eyes opened for a split second and met with the others and we became more aggressive. It was tender, though, my first kiss. I had always found it ridiculous that I had never had a first kiss, but so many other things had happened that it didn't affect me. I was glad, though. This was certainly an incredible first kiss, _the _most incredible kiss.

My hands slid up to his neck and into his bronze hair, where they tangled and forced him closer to me. He was pulling me closer, his large, warm hands that were on my lower back and in my hair. We were panting against each other's lips, but when there was any space there we would eagerly close and attack again. It was amazing, his warmth and scent were wrapped around me. The way my body was reacting surprised me, my leg hitched itself on his hip, the hand on my lower back slid from its spot and to my hip, and down to my thigh. Not a particle of air could pass between us with the way we were so tightly pressed together. My cheeks were flaming and with the lack of oxygen I felt like I was going to pass out.

After an indefinite amount of time with our lips and teeth mauling each other with fervoured affection, we both broke away. My breath was embarrassingly loud, but his was just as loud. I turned into the pillow so it would be less loud, and waited for my racing heart and flaming cheeks to simmer down. A stupid grin slowly slid over my features and I tried to hold back the laughing and screaming for joy that wanted to erupt from me.

My breathing finally slowed to somewhat average rate, but my cheeks would forever be painted a light pink. Edward was flushed as well when I looked up. His hair was sticking out in different directions from sleeping and my hands combing through it. He was trying to hide a smile by focusing on his deep breaths and my heart leapt at that. His green eyes turned to my brown ones and he smiled before he looked completely horrified, my blood froze in my veins and my face immediately went pale.

"Oh, god, Bella, I am so sorry," he apologized. "I- I don't know what came over me. I acted like a complete jerk just now; I shouldn't have put you in that position. I mean, after what you just told me and everything – I'm so insensitive, I'm really sorry." he was rambling the same thing over and over again. His cheeks were flushed again and he was running his hands through his hair in a nervous habit. I noticed how his stuttering was kind of endearing, the way he was apologizing for kissing me even though I'd given his permission.

I got up from my side and kneeled beside him. I took his hand in mine and looked him in his gorgeous emerald eyes. The blush came back to my cheeks as soon as I started to lean forward and press my lips back against his – the only place they belonged. I pulled back and smiled at him. "It's okay; I've never kissed anyone before."

His eyes went wide before he grabbed the back of my neck and brought me forward into him again. His lips were gentler now, more fervent and careful. It wasn't as passionate as before, but there were still sparks that I could feel whenever my hands would brush the skin his shirt exposed. "Good," he breathed when his lips were free. "I've got to start marking you as mine." his smile was possessive and I shivered from the sight. I _liked_ that he was smiling like that at me.

"Uh huh," I gasped. I couldn't trust my voice with the way I was breathing. His smile morphed into a crooked one as he watched my rosy cheeks and breathless state. I smiled back, this was surreal. I was screaming like a child inside and I knew I'd have to do so with Alice when I told her. I couldn't imagine myself screaming out '_Edward Masen kissed me, and I kissed back!'_ at the top of my lungs while jumping up and down with Alice. I chuckled at the thought.

Edward's stomach growled, interrupting our moment of silence. I laughed and Edward's cheeks tinted pink a little bit more. "Breakfast is over in an hour, let's go before you starve, I'm hungry, too."

"You taste like coffee, I haven't had that in a while." he chuckled before he bent in to kiss me again. My heart spluttered at such casual contact. I mumbled something incoherent under my breath and he smiled at my loss of words. "I need a shower first, though."

"'Kay," I answered in a daze. His smile was dazzling as he exited the room after grabbing an armful of white clothing. I plopped back down on his bed once he was gone from the room. I couldn't help the grin that was settling over my features. I put my hands on my cheeks and found that they were on fire. I fell to my side and breathed in his scent on the pillow beside me. Then, needing a way to release the sheer excitement of the morning, I squealed loudly into it, the smile never leaving my face.

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My heart was pumping loudly in my chest as we walked to the cafeteria. Our fingers were touching, lightly intertwined with the other. I couldn't help but notice the extra bounce in my step while we made our way down the halls. The rain was coming down heavily outside, the windows were covered in pouring water that the gutters could not contain. The thunder was unsettling, and I couldn't help but think back to the light sun peeking out behind the clouds not but half an hour ago. And here I was thinking it was going to be a nice day.

I took that thought back as soon as I looked up at Edward. Today _was_ a nice day, the epitome of a wonderful day at that. I liked having Edward by my side, he was strong and tall and I liked feeling safe and secure by his side. He looked over to me, and I blushed when he caught me staring up at him, but he smiled at me and bumped me lightly. I giggled and bumped him back, reveling in the deep chuckle that came from him. The cafeteria was nearly empty when we arrived, it reminded me of last night, but there were a few people sitting around talking.

The cafeteria lady looked at me funny and I realized she was the same from last night. I swallowed hard and moved closer to Edward's side. He smiled at me, which made my heart soar, mainly because he wasn't pushing me away. We gathered our food and sat in the spot that he had claimed before he sat with me. I saw some of Alice's -- or were they mine now? -- friend's sitting at a table, but I hadn't noticed who. My heart beat frantically when he pulled out my chair for me and put my tray down. I smiled at him as he took his set.

I liked how easily we could sit in comfortable silence. Edward shoveled in his breakfast and I laughed at his eagerness. I could have sworn he blushed, which only made me laugh harder. "Some day," he muttered between bites.

"It was so nice this morning, and now," I pointed to the grey window. "It's so… icky." I made a face, to which he laughed. His lightheartedness was making me feel more in place, but the nagging sensation in my stomach made me lose my appetite as well as conversational skills. We continued to talk, but I knew he could sense the difference in my personality.

I had been feeling weak lately, not only because of the secrets I had hidden deep within, but physically ill. I yawned and stretched my arms behind my head and laughed with him. Edward grabbed onto my hand after we dumped our trays and were going down the hall.

"I want to show you something," he murmured while we walked down the crowded halls. Everyone was standing around, some stared while we passed and I pulled my hand from Edward's. He looked confused, and a little hurt. My heart immediately flipped.

"I- I promised Carlisle that no one would see anything. Since we're sharing a room and all." I stuttered while trying to explain to him. Edward smiled and nodded at me, no longer looking so upset.

He pulled me up an old set of stairs that creaked at we made our way through. There were about six flights before we made it to a decrepit metal door. "Close your eyes," Edward ordered.

I snapped my eyes closed and felt his hands on my shoulders before he opened the door and I could hear the monsoon going on outside. "What are you doing?" I asked incredulous.

"I forgot about the storm," he mumbled. "Maybe you should open your eyes then; I don't want you to trip and die."

"Oh, that's romantic." I muttered while opening my eyes. He had the door open and I could see that we were on the roof. "Why are we here?"

"It's a really nice view, on the other side there's a nook that's relaxing." I shrugged and followed his lead as he ran through the rain and to the promised security of a nook. The view was nice, regardless of the storm that we were in. I could see the vast acres of forest that surrounded the hospital and to the front of the gates that led to the entrance. I never noticed how much security there was.

Edward, seeming to notice my staring, answered my questioning gaze. "A couple years ago a guy tried to get out. They had much shorted fences and no barbed wire on top at the time. He climbed the fence and ran off; no one knows where he is. There are coyotes out there, though, but I doubt he'd get eaten by one."

"Have you ever thought of escaping?" I whispered. He sighed and ran a hand through his wet hair. He leaned his back against the wall and looked out into the dark sky.

"Yeah, but I know it's no use. I don't have anywhere to go anyway. Even if I did manage to escape -- which is highly unlikely -- I don't have someone to go to." he closed his eyes and slumped down.

"What about your family?" I asked quietly. He opened his eyes and peered at me, a sad smile appearing on his lips.

"Do you wanna know?" he murmured.

"Only if you want to tell me."

"I do, I really, really do." he paused and took my hand, playing with my fingers. "My mom and dad died, but you know that. My mom had cancer, some kind of lung infection; she'd always had a really weak immune system. She was in the hospital for a long time, since I was four and then died when I was six. She actually snuck out of the hospital to come see my kindergarten graduation." he chuckled.

He looked back at the sky, his eyes clouding over with memories of happier times. I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around his bicep and pushed into him. His right arm, the one I wasn't clinging to, came around and pushed me into his lap with one swift movement. I gasped and squeaked a little, he laughed, but wrapped his arms around my waist so my back was to his chest. He rested his chin on the top of my head and we both peered out into the sheeting rain.

"She died about a week afterwards. I think she knew she wasn't going to make it, that's why she came. My dad was heartbroken; he was always a really strong man, stubborn in every way. My mom kept him in line, I'd never seen him break except when it came to my mom." his arms wound tighter around me. "So when she died, he was a mess. He would drink a lot, he didn't come home until really late, and he wouldn't look at me. I had to fend for myself before I even came here. One of my teachers was worried that I never had a parent who came to meetings or events, so she tried to get in touch with my father, but to no avail.

"She got concerned and eventually she called child services." his fists clenched around the clothing at my waist. "My dad was angry that they would even think of taking me away and he got into a fight with the people there, he missed the court date and they just came. A few weeks later, after _a lot _of custody battles and fighting, he killed himself. No one told me how, I kept hearing different stories. Some told me he hung himself, others said he overdosed, but he never did drugs, or at least not that I knew of." he sighed into my hair and unclenched his hands from my shirt.

I pulled his hands from my waist and kept them in my lap. My hands were tiny compared to his, they were strong and I could hold one of them in both of my mine. I brought his palm to my mouth and kissed it, moving slowly to the many cuts on his arms. They were everywhere, in different sizes and lengths. His other hand rested on the exposed skin of my knee.

"I was angry when I heard, not sad. I was regretful and hurt after, but I was mad that first my mom, my best friend, left me, and then my dad. Even though he was depressed and hurting, I still wanted my dad there. I didn't even get to say goodbye, to either of them." he whispered. "The foster agency couldn't get in contact with any of my family, and soon they put me up for adoption. I couldn't take it anymore, and the kids there were… insufferable. I found a razor from one of the assistants who helped out and I hid it in my room under my mattress. I broke it and then, I went to town on my arms. The thing is I didn't know how to do it exactly, I was only ten and I didn't really know where the major arteries were or anything.

"I remember some of the kids saying 'up the river not across the street' so I did it in every direction. I missed by so little, I was passed out for days though. Somebody found me less than a minute in. And then they sent me here. Carlisle came when I was eleven, I was the youngest here by far, but I wouldn't respond to therapists or anyone. For six years Carlisle is the only one I would talk to, Dr. Lorenzo came a few months ago." I was close to his chest, his arms were constricting tightly, but I didn't care. He had poured his feelings to me and his deepest secrets that no one knew.

I wiggled from his grasp and turned around on his lap, my legs straddling him on either side. My arms instinctively wrapped around him, I felt in sync with him, that we knew each other better than anyone else. It was scary, to relinquish our feelings to another person after concealing them for so long, but the way his arms wound around me and the deep sigh made me think that he was at ease with letting me know, that he didn't regret it. I didn't regret what I had told him, I was upset that I couldn't finish and that now it was bubbling under the surface and ready to explode.

"That feels… so much better." he sighed. "I never thought telling someone would feel this relieving."

"Like a weight's been taken off your chest." I murmured into his hair.

"Much, much better." his head lolled to the crook of my neck while his hands rubbed up and down my back. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even, sending chills through me whenever his warm breath touched my skin. "Do you…" he hesitated. "Do you want to talk about last night?"

"Yes- no… I don't know." I sighed in frustration. "I want to, I really do, but I feel like if I say the wrong thing, or too much, I'll breakdown. I don't want a repeat of last night, that was… not fun. But it was nice to get all of that off my chest and relieve some of the pressure. It just hurts that I didn't finish I guess, I'm afraid that It'll hurt, though."

"I'll be here for you," Edward murmured. "And that's partly the reason why I brought you to this place. It's usually so peaceful, and I can forget about the world around me. And up here no one can bother us, but I won't let things get as far out of hand as last night. I think I know where to limit."

I pulled his head from my neck and looked into his emerald eyes. They were sad, a little darker than usual, too. But that was to be expected when he had just revealed his most intimate secrets with me, the cause of why he was so upset and lonely. I was more than grateful to have been able to share with him. He had told me everything that had brought him here, and it was only fair that I reciprocated on that. I wanted to tell him, to cry again in liberating aspiration, my goal towards feeling… normal.

His eyes peered into mine, understanding and acceptance were there. I knew he would not judge me; he treated me as a friend even though he knew the heinous crime that I had committed. I sank to my knees in his lap so that I was no longer above him and looked down at his shirt, playing with the little wrinkles made by the rain.

"I think I want to, I'm sorry if I cry, though." I whispered.

"Don't be sorry. I can't cry for my past anymore, I've shed all the tears I'm capable of in the time I've been here. It's still depressing, but I can't cry for my parent's deaths anymore, I don't have it in me." he sighed and put a finger under my chin to look at me. "I would rather cry along with you, rather than having you cry alone."

"Edward," my voice was only a whisper, but those words made my heart palpitate wildly in my chest. I leaned up to him, not worrying if he would reject me, and pressed my lips to his. It was quick and tender to let him know how much I appreciated him.

"My sweet, dear, Isabella," his voice was a caress, to which he acted upon by moving his palm across the length of my cheek. I leaned into it, a smile appearing on my face. It was strange how even though little was said between us, we both knew exactly what wasn't being said.

"You… you really don't mind?"

"No, not in the least. I'm here for you, I'll always be." I swallowed hard and hugged myself closer. The rain seemed to be coming down harder, I could feel some of it splash against my back, but I didn't think twice about it.

"I…I guess I should explain where I kind of broke down." I stuttered. "My mom kept rehashing what she should be feeling, nausea, fatigue, emotional changes, swelling. I began to see a pattern in me, it started with light morning sickness, and at first I thought I contracted an STD, but somewhere inside I knew that wasn't it. I drove away from Forks, into Seattle so no one would know, and bought a pregnancy test. Needless to say it was positive."

I took a deep breath and cuddled closer to Edward's chest. I could feel the build up and swell of emotions wanting to be released, but I didn't want to do this to Edward, he needed me to be strong, and _I_ needed me to be strong. I bit my lip and breathed in his scent to calm my nerves. The heady smell made me relax a bit and gave me the strength to go on.

"About two weeks later, or so I think, I was kind of… out of it. I wasn't really there, or present, I just broke down. An onslaught of emotions and self-hate came at me and all I could think of was that if I got rid of the baby or hurt myself I would feel better. I convinced myself over and over again to do stupid things." I swallowed back a sob, but my voice was thick, and tears began to stream down my face. I was stupid to think that I could make it through this part. "It was late at night and I had finished taking a shower and was heading to bed. I went to the top of the stairs, I remembered there were thirty-two from top to bottom, from when I was a kid and would jump up each one.

"I don't know what came over me, but I just- I just _fell_. I closed my eyes and I fell forward on purpose. All I felt was the first hit to my stomach on the steps, and then my head, and that's it." I tried to speak quickly and hide my face while my tears gushed down my cheeks and into Edward's already soaking shirt.

His face was in my hair, I could feel his tears on my scalp, and some part of me knew this was doing him some form of justice. He revealed to his past, but he could not cry for it. This would be his pain, equally, for his parents and for me. I felt selfish for sharing any part of it. His arms wound tighter and pushed me closer to him, my arms wrapped around his torso in a tender embrace. I breathed deeply, but it was shaky.

"The next thing I remember I was in this hospital and there were so many people there. I made up an excuse that I fell, which isn't that unbelievable. My father, Charlie, agreed that I was a klutz, and the doctors seemed fine with the idea, as long as they knew it wasn't child abuse, since he wasn't home, plus they had my medical history. I thought I was going to make it out, and I was sickly elated that I might have killed the baby growing inside of me. That was until they found that I broke a rib." a whimper escaped my lips and I was pulled tighter to his chest. "They found my baby weakly developed in my womb, and I already knew it was dead. The doctors were quiet for a long time, staring at each other, and then at me.

"My father was scared; he thought they found a tumour or something of the like. But he noticed something in the outline of that fetus, because his face became white, and then a dark, dark, crimson. I didn't tell anyone anything about it; just that I didn't know who it belonged to. It didn't have a sex, because I didn't want to be near it when they removed it, it didn't have a name, it didn't even have working organs. I killed it, and I'm a murderer, and I'm… I'm going to hell!" I screamed into his chest.

I was screaming violently into his chest, screaming all the pain, sorrow, agony, depression, regret, remourse, and anything else. I knew I was a monster, a monster that killed her own innocent baby. That child did nothing to me, but I had convinced myself that since it was born, it did something wrong. I was clawing at his chest, knowing exactly what would happen if I lashed out on my arms. Edward didn't seem to care; he was crying and holding me tighter to him. I didn't want to leave him; I wanted to scream out everything.

"That's not the worst part!" I cried. "I- I… god, I was punished for my idiocy! When they took it out, a part of my cervix tore and now… and now… I can't bear children anymore! I can't even get pregnant! I'm useless!" I was shrieking and I was beginning to doubt that he could even hear me anymore. But I knew he could, he kept sobbing how sorry he was into my hair.

For a brief moment, a moment I would never forget, I realized how _right_ he felt against me. I had an idea that anyone who touched me was disgusting and only out to hurt me. I had no idea how many times I had flinched away from Charlie, but with Edward, not once. His hands on my skin, his breath in my hair, his tears soaking my scalp, they made it all seem okay. He didn't judge me; he sat there and cried with me, something no one else had done. Edward was the person that I had always dreamed of, who was the night in shining armour, whom would slay all my worst fears and nightmares and just make me feel safe.

My tears very slowly died into little trickles along the wet stream that they followed. I bit my lip and pulled myself closer to him, the warmth was astounding even in the cold rain just outside our makeshift shelter. I felt a blush splotch across my cheeks while we sat in silence. I didn't think it was lost on either of us that I was still straddling his lap, and pressed very tightly to his chest. I liked the feeling of it, his strong hands pressed to my back and wrapped in my hair.

"Bella," he whispered, he drew his hand to my cheek and made me look up to him. His eyes were so strong, so stalwart, that I could feel my heart steadily increase in percussion, ringing in my ears. "What can I do to help? I feel so… useless." his voice was pained, his eyes showed more hurt than what I would ever want to see.

In a moment so quick and precise, I didn't know what came over me. My lips crashed to his, my body formed to every nook and cranny of his well defined muscles and my hands wrapped around his neck. He was pinned between me and the wall in no time, his hands went to my hips, and his mouth was frantic. Once he seemed to grasp the situation that I was kissing him, and not mauling him, he kissed me back with just as much energy. We didn't break apart this time, our breathing was ragged and our tongues brushed against the other every now and then. It seemed the only time we really had to breathe was when our mouths would open to take the others in. At that time, we would swallow the air down and pant it back out.

His hands slipped under my shirt and stroked the skin of my back. His large hands were warm, sending my body on fire. Every nerve ending was sent into overdrive, and in an involuntary movement, my hips bucked and ground against his.

His eyes popped open at the same time that mine did and he removed his hands from my back. He pushed me away by shoulders, moving my body down his legs so that I was not so on top of him anymore. Our breathing was the only thing that I could hear, but as soon as the ringing in my ears paused, I could hear the rain coming down around us.

"Bella," he said sternly, his voice was marred by his panting breath. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I felt so stupid, he had rejected me when I let my actions and emotions get the better of me. Even if it was sudden, I didn't want to stop, even now that I had time to think about it, I didn't want to have stopped.

I looked down and closed my eyes. He probably thought I was lying, that I was some kind of… _slut_. I would think I was, I had told him things I had never told anyone, and then I just attacked him like an animal let out from its cage. It felt like it, though. The fact that he didn't push me away when I told him what I had done, and what happened to me, made me feel joyous. I felt a finger under my chin push my head up. Edward looked me in my eyes and smiled sadly.

"S- s- sorry," I muttered. He pulled me back into his arms, but this time so I was sitting in his lap instead of straddling. I didn't look back at him, too embarrassed and hurt by my actions.

"It's okay," he whispered. "If that helps, if I can help you in anyway, I'll do it." I swallowed hard, my eyes closed tightly for a moment, and then I opened them warily.

I shifted on his lap, my lips moved to his neck, where I kissed lightly. I had made a trail from his collarbone to his chin. He seemed relaxed, his eyes were closed, and his breathing was regulated to a point where mine matched his. But soon my breathing way shallower, my heart picked up and my lips went back to his neck. It was in that instant that I knew that I _would_ become better; I _would_ become a real woman for him. He had promised to help, that in anyway he would be there for me. I knew it was a lot, but I also knew it would be the most effective thing, and if it wasn't, then there was no way for me to become better.

With just a kiss, Edward made me feel like I was a better person, that I was someone who deserved to live and be happy. It wasn't an illusion, I could feel it, hear it, and live it. He made me a real person, a person with meaning and strong points that met up with my weak points. I could see the other side of the spectrum with him, where before I had lived in the gray, I could see the colour that was around me all along.

I sat up in his lap a little and brushed my lips across his. His eyes opened minutely, and when our gaze met, I whispered so quietly that I wasn't sure if he could hear, "Make me forget."

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**A/N: Gah! I know, such a bad cliffie. I know a lot of people wanted to know if Bella was going to finish her story, and if we would ever hear Edward's, and I apologize for not answering you. Most of you guys ask questions, and some of you are guessing, further into the story. You're all much too perceptive!**

**I feel more intune to Edward after reading Midnight sun, though, he does come off a but horny. I'm not complaing.**

**In regards to Bella wanting something too soon, that maybe her relationship is moving too fast, it's actually a bit slow. I'm only comparing this to other fanfics, where it's love at first sight with no substance between the two beside the fact that they like each other. Here, it's not they like each other, even though they're teenagers, it's the fact that they can love each other and accept what the other's been through.**

**I'm posting a new fanfic soon about teenage growth and developement. Mainly about the social disfunction and introvercy that is my genoration -- which I'm apart of, unfortunately. I don't make friends easily, my best friend and I decided not to make any friends after sixth grade, that was a _bad _idea. It's got meaningful sex, too! Not just smut, which I'm so damn found of.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: Good lord and apples. I didn't realize how long it'd been since I posted. I feel bad, don't be so patient with me, jeez, PM's with death threats are acceptable if it get me posting faster. **

**Well, I think this chapter should more than make up for it. ;)**

* * *

"W- what?" he asked in a breathless tone. His eyes were still lidded while I brushed my lips gently across his. He swallowed and his jaw was trembling just a bit. I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him again. The nervousness was swelling inside of me and I couldn't control it very well. My left hand was shaking, so I balled it into a fist while grabbing onto my skirt.

"Make me," I whispered, "forget." I latched my lips back on his and he seemed miffed. He was hesitant, allowing me to control for a while. Soon -- whether on instinct or not -- his arms and hands were wrapped around me and I pulled myself back up so I was straddling him. He didn't stop me and I made sure to keep control of my body movements this time. Something about being with Edward made me lose all thoughts of right and wrong, and primal desires and urges were easier to find.

I had never thought that I could feel this way about a man, about a person. My breathing was picking up and my arms wrapped around his neck. My heart skipped a beat as I felt his hands return to the skin of my back. I was euphoric at this, his skin touching mine made me begin to pant even more. His lips broke from mine and went to my neck, nipping and licking there. I let out a breathless groan into the cold air. The rain around us was coming down heavier and off in the distance thunder could be heard, but it was very distant to me.

I pulled Edward back to me and began to kiss him again. My hands were gripping onto his shirt, tugging and pulling at the fabric. We broke momentarily while I removed his shirt, his hands on top of mine. My heart was frantic, I kept my senses close to his hands, feeling them trail up and down my back. They would spread in the middle to go to my hips, pushing down the fabric a little further before they joined and went back up. I wondered if he was aware of what he was doing.

I moved my lips down to his neck and he groaned. "N- no, Bella," he panted. His hands pushed me closer his body, though. He was contradicting himself with his body movement versus his words. "It's… cold, and people… will look for us…?" he was trying to convince himself, I could tell, and his arguments sounded more like questions without important answers.

"You promised," I whispered into his neck. "I don't want to think anymore. It hurt so badly, to see those hateful images. I don't want them anymore… I want new ones." I kissed his neck lightly when I finished.

"Bella, you don't know what you're talking about. You're emotional, and you just went through a lot of stress." I hugged myself closer, our frantic hands and lips had calmed down so that I was tucked under his chin.

"I…" I swallowed hard and hid my face, a blush coming up that I knew he could feel.

"What?" he asked with curiosity.

"Nothing," I muttered. He pulled me back, his eyebrow hitched, and I couldn't help but smile. He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"Tell me," he ordered in a firm but kind tone.

"I think I love you." I whispered quietly. I looked down at my lap while my heart thrummed wildly in my chest. I plaid with the drawstring of his pants, tying and untying for some time before he pushed my chin up with his long finger.

His lips kissed mine lightly, lingering for a moment. "My, beautiful, sweet, Bella," I blushed a dark shade of crimson and bit my lip. I liked the way he said that, the undeniable huskiness made my knees shake. "Is that why…" he broke off with an inferring tone.

"K- kind of," I stuttered shyly. "You make me feel… different. I like it, the way my stomach flutters, the way my heart goes wild and I feel shy but really happy. I thought there was something wrong at first, but… I know, I really do."

He pulled me back to his chest, his lips in my hair and a smile pressing into my scalp. "When did_ you_ figure it out?"

"What do you mean did _I_ figure it out?" I asked confused. He chuckled and kissed my forehead to remove the worry lines.

"Remember the first day you came here, how I had acted like such a jerk?" he asked, I nodded and he continued. "I didn't talk to you for a long time, one, because you reminded me of my mom, and two, because I was confused. Well, confused isn't the term I guess. I was infatuated, I watched you when you were near me, but it was like you didn't notice anyone around you. I couldn't figure out why I would find myself smiling at your clumsiness and the satisfied smirk you'd have when you thought no one saw. Somewhere over that course of time, I fell in love."

He nuzzled his face in my hair and I was suddenly hyper aware that he was close to me, with his shirt off. I bit my lip and looked under my lashes to him. I had never fought such a strong urge before, such an extreme feeling placed so deeply in my gut. The need to have him with me, to be with me for all of time was strong. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to control the massive churning of my stomach. My fingers trailed down from his lips, to his throat, to his collar bone, then his chest and to his well defined abs. His body was much more than a sin; it was the devils work, or maybe a gift from god to the earth.

I leaned forward and he met me with his lips halfway. His arms wound around my waist once again and I forced my eyes open to see him. His green eyes pierced me, showing something I had never seen in their depths before. The love, the lust, the dark emerald made my legs quiver and I sank further into his embrace.

I breathed in deeply and tried to control my heart-rate, but his every touch made my skin crawl. This time it was different, the way that he was so urgent in a way that he couldn't let me go, even to breathe. My lungs burned, but I was rewarded by breathing in his intoxicating scent, made even stronger by the rain. I felt his tongue brush by lips and I opened my mouth to him. I could feel his hot breath that he was panting over my skin to my cheeks, making a blush form.

My eyes opened warily and saw him staring at me. Pushing myself closer and pressed my chest to his own, my hips moved with his. I breathed out a whimper into his mouth, the pressure of his groin pushed into mine; I could feel the forming hardness just under my skirt, which was becoming pushed higher as we continued. I bit my lip when he went to my neck, sucking at the skin tentatively but with a rabid desire.

My hands were on his shoulders, my nails digging in and he winced. Guilt shot through me and I retracted my hands to his biceps. I was close to tears when I recalled the night before, the way Carlisle had handled Edward so brutally. My mind was sent into fog with a thrust of his hips. I cried out into the moist air at the sudden surprise of the movement. I couldn't help that I was pushing just as much onto him, that I wished there were no barriers of clothes, no insecurities that were rushing through my head.

Closing my eyes tightly, I breathed in the scent of his bronze hair. No, he did want me, he loved me and he did want me in everyway I wanted him. His hands were dominating me, controlling my hips to grind harder on him and I gasped as I pushed my overheated, wet core onto him.

I was pushed down suddenly, my back to the cold cement. I barely had time to register the change before Edward was on top of me. My legs wrapped around his waist and I arched myself into him more. The groan that left his lips was deep and husky. My body stilled and shuddered beneath his, and it didn't go unnoticed. His eyes met mine as he hovered above, seeming to ask my permission for something. I nodded dumbly and he kissed me again. I could feel more, the devotion was overwhelming and I could feel tears in my eyes. He really did love me.

I had thought for so long that I was unlovable. I was a disposable girl who wasn't worth my weight in anything by misery and grief. I could barely recognize those thoughts as Edward and I pushed us together. Our bodies reacted to the others, each movement was precise, and I felt like I had known him for my whole life, that this was just another day, but it was the first. I smiled hopefully thinking it wouldn't be the last. I wanted to be with Edward until my heart and body were nothing but mirrors of his own.

My shirt was tugged over my head, landing to the side of the shelter before I felt the sports bra that was hospital regulation being pushed aside. I gasped as my flesh hit the hold air, and I pulled the rest of the piece off knowing I would want it back on soon. My eyes went to Edward who was looking down at my bare torso, his eyes wide with amazement. He looked at me and kissed me softly.

"You're so beautiful." he whispered.

I swallowed and felt myself tear up. "Thank you," my voice was a whimper and this time when our lips met, it was much softer and loving. I could only feel Edward, only see Edward, everything around me was a blur of nothing. It was just us, no hospital, no suicide, no treatment, no other people, friends or doctors, just us.

We were slower while we moved, our bodies pressing to the others. He palmed my breast in his warm hand and I moaned. His thumbs brushed over my nipples and I closed my eyes tightly. He was gentle, but there was a rough touch with the calmness, letting me know he was firm with his feelings. I had never been more grateful.

His head bent infinitesimally and I felt his teeth graze my flesh. Immediately, my eyes flashed open and he bit my hardened nipple lightly. My hips bucked up and hit him hard. The groan he released was loud; the vibrations went through his teeth into my body. I couldn't take it anymore, my limbs were becoming numb and the tightness in my stomach was impossible to ignore.

I tugged on Edward's pants and whimpered out my request. His body hesitated, shifting slightly. Our eyes locked and I could suddenly see everything that was lost to me before. His cheeks were lightly flushed, and the green of his eyes seemed to darken. We were the only things keeping the warmth from the cold around us.

His head bent to mine, and he hesitantly kissed me again. Unlocking my legs from his waist, he blushed. I smiled at him, my breathing still heavy and panting.

"Bella," he whispered. My hand went up to his cheek, feeling the warmth there. Tilting his head into my palm, he sighed. His hot breath fanned across my face and I could feel the tears begin.

"I really love you, Edward." I didn't think before I spoke, all the words and thoughts running rampant in my head, and all of the overwhelming emotions gave me no time to comprehend what I blurted out.

… But it was the honest truth.

I had never known love before. Only family love that was so distorted and different, having to care for two separate sides. I had never been catered to; I had never been given time to bond with someone so carefully, but of this I was sure.

Could I interpret love my own way? Surely not all love is the same, that for every person there's a different perspective and appeal. But then there was true love. That was the love that was reserved for childhood fairytales and fictional romance. But what about in real life?

Was true love something so powerful that you would willingly throw yourself to the other in a heartbeat? Was true love something that marred all senses of right and wrong, and affected only a haze of thought? Could that be what I felt, what I knew was something real so deeply in my heart that I'd bet my life on it? Gazing into his eyes, I had my answer. This was my fairytale, and for once I was princess instead of the onlooker.

This was true love with the man that I would throw all caution to the wind and let my inhibitions leave me. I trusted him with my well-being more than I did, and more importantly… I'd give my life for him. Where I had been so careless before, and where I just wanted out of the pain, I would sacrifice everything for him. Because he was worth it.

His eyes welled with tears, and suddenly everything became sharper. Every touch was magnified and amped to a thousand. Edward swallowed before he hooked his thumbs on the elastic of his pants and pulled them down before kicking them to the side. I felt the blush spring to my cheeks when I gazed on. Even though I was old enough to have seen the pictures in textbooks, I'd never seen a nude man in person.

"Bella," he whispered again, his forehead resting against mine. "We don't – I mean, you don't have to…" his eyes were unsure, his blush looking more like something that belonged to me, but I had my own flushed cheeks to worry about.

"No, Edward, it's fine. I want to, I really do." I lifted my back from the cold cement and kissed his cheeks, letting my lips linger. "Make love to me, Edward." My voice was small, barely a whisper, but he kissing me again in no time. His lips were everywhere at once.

My throat, cheeks, forehead, nose, and lips were covered by his kissed while he slipped my last articles of clothing from my body. He pulled back when they were discarded, his eyes held so much depth, so much I wanted to understand, but that was something that would take time. And I had a feeling we would have time on our side.

"Bella, I love you. I really do, it hurts not to be able to say it sometimes… to be able not to touch you, or see you. I never knew anything like this existed. Ever since my parents left… I don't know if it's normal, if I can love you like a man should…" his eyes darted away from mine, watching the rain outside. "If I can at least make you happy in one way… in this way…"

I brought his face back to mine, feeling a strong surge of conviction running through me. "Do you think I know what's normal? My parents were never fully there, my dad was emotionally unstable, my mom was flakey and never around… I don't know if it's normal, but it certainly feels right, Edward. We don't have to compare ourselves to what's normal, because we're not under normal circumstance. I know I love you, and I know that feels right, so don't worry." My voice got smaller as I went on, seeing his expression change with each word I uttered.

"You're right," his lips lightly swept over mine. "You are so right. I love you so much, it may not be normal, but it's most certainly right." My throat clenched and tears rolled from my eyes to the ground. Our lips met again, calm and passionate all at once.

His hands moved to my hips, and I could feel him then. I didn't look, I was more than satisfied with the glance before, and I wanted to give him some privacy. My cheeks enflamed, and I pulled myself closer while he slowly slid into me. I gasped, breaking our kiss, and bit my bottom lip as he thrusted into me.

I could feel a little tear inside of me. It was only a fraction of what I could remember the day I had been taken advantage of. I couldn't bring myself to consider that the day I lost my virginity. I'd always imaged my first time with someone I loved deeply, and I couldn't think of anyone but Edward. Even though my virginity had been snatched away, I still wanted to think that my innocence was with Edward. This was the first time I'd make love to a man, and therein laid my reasoning.

Edward draped my legs over his waist lightly. Our eyes were unbroken, gazing deeply into the other's as we connected for the first time. A shiver ran down my spine as I began to flex around him, and I saw a gleam in his eyes. His body slouched with a heavy sigh and a smile flashed across his perfect lips.

He kissed me again, and I couldn't help my hips twisting a little. He felt so amazing, my body was pouring for him, I could feel all of him inside me. He was warm and large, slowly making my body stretch to fit him. His lips went to my neck, and my arms hooked around his shoulders as he began to move.

The rain around us continued to pour; our faint gasps and sighs echoed around. Edward moved his hips to pull out slowly, and then moved back in. I gasped out his name in a moan and my eyes slid shut. Sheer ecstasy ran through every surface that was touching Edward. With every thrust he delivered my body arched and threw me into a fire of passion and pleasure.

Edward's lips moved on my neck, his hot breaths blew across my collarbone and his groans vibrated all throughout my body. My hips pushed up to meet his, forcing more friction and pressure on all the sensitive parts of my body. I threw my head back and cried out his name, my yell echoing in the small sheltering around us. My skin was flushed and hot, nothing in me listened to what I told it to do. Edward's body danced with mine in graceful and sensual waves.

We moved in unison, rocking with each other, not needing to speak to know what our instincts told us. This was the most primal act, the act of sins. I felt nothing of it, though. Edward's eyes met mine, his head lifted and we managed to keep our lidded eyes open. He was panting, deep groans erupting from his throat. His eyes were dark, and his cheeks a light shade of red. He was so beautiful in that moment, so unrealistic I couldn't look away from him.

My fingers grazed down his back, racking my nails lightly over the skin. His head tipped back and he moaned my name. My heart picked up pace, hearing him say my name like that made all my muscles inside of me clench. A hiss escaped his lips, and I knew it didn't go unnoticed. My hands continued down his neck, to his sculpted chest, feeling the muscles of his pectorals and abdomen.

I was very appreciative of his body. It was a sculpture, a marvel that couldn't be earned or deserved to someone like me, but he was here, we were both here. His fingers wrapped in my hair, our lips collided. His breath was sweet on my tongue, I whimpered into his mouth, sending my hot breath over both of us.

Things slowed, the passion that was settling in my stomach sent jolts through my body. Whimpers and screams erupted from my throat. If not for Edward's strong hands on my back and head, I would have fallen to the cement beneath me. My world was spinning at a dizzying pace, not allowing my head to think about my bodies action, not allowing me to wonder about anything in the outside world.

Any life outside this harbour, outside of Edward, was gone. My legs tightened around his hips at the thought, sending him deeper into me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my heavy lids. Edward was staring at me, his green eyes sagged and his lips parted. My arms wrapped tighter around his back, my head ducked to his neck, and I let the tears spill while my inner walls coiled and gripped onto him.

His thrusts became uneven, desperate for release, for us both to fade into untitled bliss. This was my heaven, the only thing that I could imagine living for. Being here, not having to worry about the darkened world around me, or the painful pulses of words and the sounds of hate. My eyes cinched shut, the tears sliding slowly from my lashes and just down far enough for them to disappear into the skin of my protector… my saviour. A sob ripped loudly from my throat, into the echoes of rain surrounding the hospital. I had never needed the rain so much, to feel the protection of the cool droplets splattering against my back, the loud thunder unsettled me, but it took away my sounds.

The lightening was bright and crackled in the distance, but I was preoccupied. I was safe, I was loved, and for the first time in the years that I'd been alone, I fit in, I belonged with someone. I shuddered closer to the man I loved and prayed this wouldn't end. Because even though we had time, I didn't want to wait for the intervals in which we would be separated. I couldn't dare to be alone, not anymore, not after feeling such warmth and comfort, it was impossible, simply unwelcomed.

But as we grew so close to one another, I realized that it didn't matter. If he left me, if he went away and just… went, I'd be okay… somehow. My heart had never been so full, and even if he was gone, it would always belong to him. And I would live; somehow I would live, because as long as he was out there, I would be able to go on.

I dismissed these thoughts; they were irrational thinking in the middle of passion and love. My tears did not stop, though. My sobs were mixed with moans as I neared my end. I was panting, trying hard to hold on for a little longer, this moment couldn't stop yet, I needed it to last. I needed Edward, and I didn't want to let go.

As the coil in my lower stomach began to clench, I realized I couldn't keep myself back. And when I heard the grunts coming from him, I knew he was waiting for me. I had been so selfish.

I let go then, feeling the single-most amazing thing in my life. A liquid rushing swept low, making a burning, raging fire race through my veins until the liquid was on fire, too. My eyes snapped shut and I saw a world of white and stars. My limbs locked and my hips jumped into his while I screamed his name into the skin of his neck.

Edward's grip tightened on me, and with one final thrust he stilled above me. His muscle locked, and loud groans left his lips, vibrating me to my core. We both rode out our waves of our orgasm, our fluids dripping onto one-another and whimpers from each of us our bodies stilled.

I hadn't noticed my nails digging into the skin on his back, and pulled them out instantly. I was still panting when Edward pulled out; he rolled to the side and crushed me to his chest. We were quiet for a long time, just holding each other and listening to our quiet breathing settle with each passing second. The rain was still coming down, but lighter, and there was faint thunder.

I could hear Edward swallow before his lips touched my hair. "Why were you crying?" he whispered. His arms pulled me tighter to his chest, and I felt comfort. Even though it was the cold November, I felt warm in just his embrace.

"I love you…" I whispered. "Don't leave me…." His arms pulled me back a bit, and I felt my heart tug at the gesture. This was it; I'd been the straw that broke his back. I was stupid, how could he want someone so needy? I knew I wasn't good enough. My heart rate picked up and was suddenly frantic. Tears welled in my eyes and fell limp.

Edward didn't move for a few seconds, assessing I assumed, and then his hands were in my hair. He was above me again, his lips ravaging mine in a heated kiss. My arms wrapped around his neck on instinct and our bodies pressed to each other.

"No," he panted as he broke away. "I won't leave you. Never!" he grabbed my face between his hands to emphasize his words. His eyes were fierce and dark, not so much with passion, but with conviction. His lips brushed mine and I sighed, the feeling of content seeping into my bones again.

"Thank you," I whispered. His hands brushed along my body, never touching anything but my arms, waist, stomach and legs. I was surprised, we were both nude with no one around, and both willing, but we somehow managed to keep our passion tame.

"We should go back. We've been out her for a long time." He murmured against my neck. Unfortunately, he was right. The morning darkness was beginning to fade, and the rain became a light drizzle. It was still dark, though, the sun wouldn't be making an appearance for a while.

"Do we have to?" I whined. Edward chuckled, but otherwise got up. "I take that as a no." I muttered, only to be answered with another chuckle. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him as he walked around, collecting our clothes. His body mesmerized me, and the fact that my eyes were dancing across his naked body made my ogling quite obvious.

He turned, and grinned crookedly, catching me in the act. My cheeks flushed, and I immediately looked away. Could there be anything more embarrassing? Fighting the tightness in my stomach, I collected my clothing that was strewn across the granite of the rooftop. They were still damp, but not as badly.

Once my clothes were in place, and as smoothed out as possible, I turned back to Edward. His pants were on, little creases along the legs. I gasped when he turned; my hands came up to cover my mouth. Edward immediately face me; his eyes worried and frantic.

"What? What is it?" his green eyes were looking over me, most likely checking for any sign of injury. I shook my head, stepping closer to him.

I swallowed and tried to clear the lump in my throat. "Your back," I whispered. Edward's eyebrows rose, and he pulled his fingers to his upper back, immediately wincing. I looked at my fingers; they were a light pink with crimson under my nails. Oh god.

I immediately pulled my hands from me and held them out. I was already feeling sick just looking at it, I couldn't ruin the moment even further. Breathing through my mouth, I focused on the distant drizzle of the rain. I couldn't pass out, that would just be too embarrassing. I'd expected Edward to laugh at me or walk away, but instead he gently took my hands and began to remove the blood. I turned my head, but he grabbed my chin and kept my head looking away.

"You might get queasy if you see." His voice was soft, a light caress and I smiled. I could feel his shirt press to my fingers, and his hands moving the blood away. Even though it was gross for me, I couldn't stop the blush that came from his loving gesture. "You're good," he chuckled.

"Thank you, Edward… for everything." Our eyes met, gazing into one another's, and he smiled at me.

"No, thank you, Bella." He took my hand in his and walked out from our little alcove. Our fingers were intertwined and we fell instep with each other while we walked down the staircase and back into reality.

* * *

**A/N: This is the shortest chapter, but it's five thousands words all on its own. I'll _defininitely_ be posting faster. I've got the next chapter set up and all that, so don't worry.**

**It may seem too soon, but remember, Bella's completely dependent on Edward. As unhealthy as that is, she needs him, and he needs her. It's co-dependency, but every relationship needs be somewhat like that. The relationship they have now will come into play later on.**

**There's a _ton_ of foreshadowing in this chapter. It's not where you expect it, though. I suggest maybe going back and reading between the lines if you want a guess at the future.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N: See, sooner. :) I couldn't send the second half to my Beta on time, and I've really been wanting to post. Go check out Kitschisme in my favourites. She's got a new story out that's a-ma-zing.**

* * *

The week past by me in a haze. I could remember pieces of it very briefly, but only the parts where Edward was concerned. The times where we were apart were brief, but it still made me anxious to be away from him.

Edward had told me the day of his first appointment since we'd been together, that he was ready to speak. He'd been so carefree, smiling at everyone and everything since that day. He was always by my side, talking, smiling, laughing, and eventually his calm and kind demeanour rubbed off on me, and I was feeling better than I had in ages, even before coming to the hospital.

We'd both begun to speak to Carlisle more often. We had been scheduled to three times a week, and after the second time I'd begun to release more to him. I had to stop thinking of Carlisle of a doctor, and as a friend instead, which wasn't as difficult as I had thought. In light of these new discoveries, Carlisle would set us up as jointed appointments. Edward and I were able to talk better around each other, and this did not go wasted on Carlisle.

Everything seemed to be looking brighter, and I began to wonder when it would crash around me. When would my life go up in flames? When would I regret everything and finish the job that was so patiently waiting for me?

The only thing that had me worried for the moment was a tan doctor leering at me from inside his office as I sat in the waiting room. I had not gotten over the second time we'd met. The way that Dr. Lorenzo pushed me and breathed on me gave me nightmares. But Edward didn't know this; I'd usually wake up before I startled him.

I tried not to look up, but I could feel him staring at me. I could imagine how his black eyes would run over my expression and that heinous grin would stretch over his tanned lips and reveal his bright white teeth. And I'd thought about how he had called my name a few seconds ago.

Edward was in with Carlisle, he was finally going to tell him about his mother today, and he wanted to make sure I didn't have to deal with that. No matter how much I begged, or tried to persuade him, he wouldn't budge on the matter. And after a morning full of me trying to persuade, and then awkwardly trying to seduce him, I decided this was his decision, and not mine.

How I wished I pushed that matter at this moment.

Sucking in a deep breath, I made my way into Dr. Lorenzo's office. He smiled at me, which soon turned into that disgusting grin. I lingered in the doorway, not willing to go any farther. I'd avoided my appointments with him, faking illness or injury, but now I was here, and unless I fell and cracked my skull open, there was no getting out of it.

"Good afternoon, Bella," his voice was husky; an unsettling sound compared to Edward's, or even Carlisle's voice. I wasn't used to this kind of voice; I'd long since blocked it from my memory. I tried not to cringe and stepped inside and sat on the couch.

"Good afternoon," I mumbled. I felt some comfort in the fact that the door was open and the blinds were up. The dreary clouds from outside gloomed through the windows behind his desk, making a dusk appearance more than an afternoon scene.

"How have you been?"

"Fine," Dr. Lorenzo stood from his desk and sat on the other side of the couch closest to the door. He was a cushion away from me when his smile turned serious.

"Have you considered what I said since the last time we met?" my stomach did a flip and I swallowed the sudden bile in my throat. I slammed my memories to a halt, trying not to let them flood in. I hated crying, and I wouldn't in front of this man.

"No." my voice held finality and he frowned at me. His eyes brows shadowed over his eyes and the way he set his jaw made him look ten years older. With everything about him, I wouldn't doubt that his facial structure was a product of plastic surgery.

"Come now, you haven't even thought about it. Give it a chance before you knock it."

"There's nothing to consider, there's nothing to think about. It's a sick, perverted impossibility." His face scrunched at the word perverted and he grimaced at me. Was he honestly used to the girls here throwing themselves at him.

"Why? I'm sure you know about all of your friends." I blanched and he grinned again. "That's right. All of those sweet girls you play with here come to me. I see you're friends with Alice Brandon, right? She's the absolute sweetest."

"What are you—" my mouth fell open and I pulled my hands up to cover it before I could finish. How could I be so stupid? It seemed so obvious now.

The day I'd seen Alice crying in the bathroom, it hadn't been the first. I'd seen her before in the hallway, but I'd never thought twice about it, and I'd forgotten. Since then, I'd seen her with puffy eyes, or a red nose, but I never thought about. "You know, we all get down every now and then." Those words ran through my head every time I'd noticed, and I, selfishly, just left her alone.

What had Alice been keeping to herself? Had she been locking everything up inside like I'd done? But what about Jasper? She seemed to be utterly head over heels for him, but when I saw her, Jasper was no where to be seen. Alice had been suffering. My first friend here, the best friend I'd ever had, was suffering. I'd done nothing but give her space, which did just as much as ignoring her did.

I looked up at the man in front of me. A surge of hate flew through me and I wanted to hit him. He'd done something to my friend. No, not just Alice either. Now that I knew, he'd done something to Lauren, to Jessica, to all of those girls who were lonely and just wanted… someone, some form of attention. None of them had done anything, and this… old disgusting man had hurt them all.

He was grinning at me, looking positively relaxed while he told me what he'd been doing. How had no one caught him? No, I knew how. Who would believe suicidal teenagers over a certified and diplomatic Doctor? No one would think twice, we'd all be considered 'crazy' and therefore no one would believe it. But Lillian…

"You…" I couldn't finish, a fresh roll of pain and hate washed over me and I was speechless. I felt angry little tears form in my eyes and I let them fall while I balled my fists up and stood.

"What, Bella? I what? I only helped them. They come to me, I only proposition. It's always their choice; I could help you, too."

"You're not helping them!" I shrieked. His eyes darted to the door, and ran to it. He was up before I could make it, and he put his back to it after he closed it.

"Keep it down, there's a session right across the hall." He whispered.

"No!" I shouted again. "You're not helping them! You're not! You're only making things worse, making people confused! Do you even know why some of them are here in the first place?"

In an instant, he covered my mouth with his hand and pushed me to the wall. My back hit it hard and I could feel my shoulder blade begin to throb. His dark eyes were glaring at me when I recovered, his whole face became ghastly and he looked scary to me. His skin was sallow and I was afraid of him, I was afraid of this position I was in, and I was afraid of the memories that were creeping up.

"You listen to me, Isabella." He sneered my name and pushed my head back harder into the wall, my shoulder blade pushed back and I winced. "If you tell anyone, I'll make your life a living hell. I'll do a lot more than what I do to them, you might up end up permanently injured if you tell anyone. And besides, who would believe you?" he smiled triumphantly at the end, and with one more pushed he moved away.

"Carlisle," I spat at him. He raised his eyebrows and his victorious smile turned down. "He'd believe me. And once he called the authorities, you'd be under question, and so would all the girls under your care. He's higher up than you are, no one would question him."

"You're an idiot. I'm his colleague, why would he believe some little girl over me?"

"He would, he would consider it, and then you'd be under arrest and in jail." I was feeling a lot more comfortable. I had him trapped, and I smiled a little by the lines in his forehead. After a few moments of silence, he smiled again.

"You go do that. But maybe you should talk to some of the girls first. I suggest Ms. Brandon first; you'll see why nothing you're saying will work."

Without another word, I wrenched the open. I would see Edward later, I needed to find Alice. I ran down the halls, looking through every room I could find. I checked the library, finding only Jasper in the very back reading a thick book on the Civil War, but no Alice.

I ran back into the hall, making my way to the cafeteria. Everyone was there for lunch, but Alice wasn't at her usual table. I saw Lauren look up and wave at me, I smiled, but I couldn't look at her at the moment. All I could see were horrible pictures floating through my head. Not just of her, but of Jessica who sat right there beside her. Even Angela, a quiet and shy girl who had conversed with me every now and then. I couldn't look at them; I couldn't see those images of myself, let alone someone else.

I went to her room next. I only saw the blonde I knew as Rosalie sitting on Alice's bed reading a magazine. I left her questioning stare before she could ask why I was there and continued to run through the halls. I checked the basement next; maybe she'd be down there. It was quiet, and since Edward was in therapy and Jasper was in the library, no one might be there.

She wasn't there either. I stopped, bending over to brace my hands on my knees and tried to regulate my panting. Where could she be? I sat down on the bench outside the weight room and put my head in my hands trying to think. Where would she go? Where would Alice go?

It hit me then, fast and hard, and I was off again. I ran up the stairs and then back through the main level halls. When I saw the sign for the girls room I slammed the door open without hesitation. I heard a gasp, followed by a choking sob.

"Alice?" I called. There was no answer, but one of the stall doors opened up. She came out of the stall, her face red, and her cheeks wet with tears.

"Oh… hey, Bella," she smiled at me, but broke down into sobs again. It was worse than I thought. I ran to her, my arms wrapping around her slight frame.

"Oh god, Alice, I'm so sorry." She cried into my shirt, her tears soaking through my sleeve, but I didn't mind. I'd done this to Edward countless times. I needed to be here for Alice.

We sat on the little wooden bench and we clung to each other. It hit me that she'd been through what I had, but she'd had so much worse. I wasn't sure how long we sat there. Alice didn't let up, and soon my silent tears leaked. I'd been a bad friend. All this time she just needed a shoulder to cry on and she had no one. How could I be so selfish?

"It's okay, he won't hurt you anymore." I murmured into her hair. Alice snapped up instantly, her body rigid, and her eyes wide with shock. I'd forgotten that she didn't know I'd found out.

"H-how do you… know?" she choked. Her tears stopped for a moment and she looked honestly curious.

"I was in a session with him. He tried to… persuade me, but I told him no. And then he told me my friends all… went to him. And he'd mentioned you specifically." She sobbed, a burst coming from her throat and she was suddenly on her feet, glaring at me.

"Why do you care?" she screamed. "He likes me because he thinks of you!" my eyes went wide and my mouth popped open. What?

Alice stood there, her breathing heavy and tears streaming down her pale cheeks. The more she wiped them with the back of her hand, the more they seemed to fall. Thinks of me? What did she mean?

"Alice…" I started, but she held her hand up to silence me.

"Do you know what he does?" she asked point blank. I couldn't say anything, I just stared. "Do you?" she yelled at me.

"Y-yes, I do."

"Good, that saves some explaining." She wiped away the tears again, and then sniffled before speaking. "At first, it was only every so often, back when I first came. He 'helps' me, and a lot of other people. But since you came, he uses me to think of you." I gaped at her, my mind uncomprehending.

"Alice… what do you…?" she sighed and sat beside me again.

"You're the only one." She whispered. "You're the only one who's said no to him. And he told me that, and he doesn't like it. So he uses me, and a couple other girls, and thinks about you. He calls us 'Bella' sometimes. That's why a lot of the girls here don't like you. They've become… territorial."

"But that's just sick! What he's doing is wrong and sick! You have to say something, Alice. I'll help you, we have to stop him!" she looked at me, but her eyes didn't meet mine.

"I can't…"

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because I just can't! I don't know why. None of us do, well, some. I know what he's done, but I can't find it in me to tell anyone. Jasper still loves me, that's all that matters."

"Jasper knows?" I gasped.

"Everyone knows. He's angry, but he can't do anything. I won't let him do anything, and he sits patiently. He's much too good for me."

"No, Alice, none of this is your fault. Did you just walk into his office expecting him to say those things to you? You didn't, I know you didn't. It's not your fault. It's him, all him. Please, Alice…"

She sighed and looked me in the eye. She smiled sadly at me. "I can't, Bella. Not now, I'm sorry."

Ah. This is what he meant. He'd done so much to them, secured his image too well inside their minds that they couldn't testify against him. The thought made my stomach turn over with disgust. How could it get to this point? It had to start with one person, then another, and another, and soon everyone got together and it just became a normalcy. Did Carlisle and the other doctors know this, too?

That would explain why no one said anything. If Dr. Lorenzo hid everything and cleaned up his tracks, then he'd be safe. No one could testify against him, and he'd be safe from jail, or prison, or any charges. He'd manipulated young girls, girls like me. And I'd wondered if I didn't have Edward, would one of those girls be me right now?

"I understand, Alice." I whispered.

"Thank you!" she lurched forward and then tackled me to the floor in a hug. Alice didn't want to resolve things now, and I knew how that felt.

Just put things off till the morrow and hope that things just stayed the same. But I had no hope in me for some reason. There were tiny sparks of change, but hope was distant from my mind. I felt just as disgusted. No, things would change, but I'd be hopeful, too.

* * *

"Where were you?" Edward's lips touched the back of my head, his arms wrapping around my waist. My head automatically leaned back, the tension of the afternoon was settling quickly.

"With Alice," I shrugged. "How did therapy go?" His fingers gripped at the shirt covering my hips, and his face buried deeper into my hair. I turned then, looking at him with inquiring eyes, but he was looking away.

"It went… as expected." His voice drifted off, leaving many things unanswered. But I would wait. Patience was something I'd learn to take up while I was with Edward. He never pressured me into anything, verbal or physical, and I sometimes hated it. He knew when to keep privacy, though.

He grabbed my hand, tugging me along to our room. I followed eagerly, watching his back while he walked. The muscles seemed to tense under his clothing, outlining each perfect line and curve. I moved beside him, fearing that I'd be distracted if I looked any longer.

As soon as the door to our room was in sight, I was immediately inside. The sudden movement made my head spin and my stomach jerk. The darkness of the room swirled around me, spinning wildly while I tried to configure what just happened.

In that same moment Edward was in front of me. I gasped at his sudden appearance, wondering when my senses became so slow. His scent surrounded me, the feel of his lips moving vigourously against my neck sent new waves through my body.

Breathing in deeply, I tried to control myself enough to speak. Something wasn't right; it wasn't like Edward to just jump the gun. He was _always_ in control. My shirt was tugged forward, the warn cotton replaced by his large warm hands.

His fingers trailed up my stomach and up to my ribs before he pulled my shirt over my head and mashed our bodies together. My chest pressed to his, and the heat emanating from him was incredible. His lips went to mine, seductively sweet, moist, and rough. My mouth opened, wanting to take more of him in, to be submersed in the man that I loved.

His hands ran from my back to my rear, then picked me up so I was sandwiched between him and the wall. I could feel every incredible line of his body pressed to mine and I moaned into his mouth.

In that moment I realized I needed control – no matter how _badly_ it hurt to pull away from him. With that thought, I ripped my lips away and breathed out his name raggedly, desperately trying not to make it sound like a whimper.

"Sorry," he breathed, his head lolling into my neck. On any other occasion I would have been peeved, but I was relieved, I never wanted to do this again when there was so much being unsaid between us.

"It's okay. Why don't you tell me about what happened?" Edward put me back on my feet, my shirt in his hands as he grinned sheepishly. His hand found mine and he pulled us to the bed.

"It went alright. You know I told Carlisle about my mom, and what happened. So today it was about my dad, and what happened. I tried to tell him about my… suicide," he grimaced, pulling me down onto his chest, "but it was a bit too much. I still have to get used to this whole thing. I mean, I'm so used to just keeping it bottled up. It's weird to start telling people about—" he stopped mid-sentence to put a hand over his mouth and cough.

The sound was sickening, breathless at first, and then more phlegm induced. I was up in a heartbeat, leaning over him. His cough had gotten worse in the few days since he first had it. It wasn't only Edward, though. The cold had been going around the hospital, some colds instantly turning into fevers.

"Edward, are you okay?" He looked up and smiled, then coughed once more. The sound made me shiver.

"Yes. For the thousandth time in three days, I'm fine."

"Fine," I grimaced at the word, which he was anything but. "Coughing up a lung does _not_ constitute as 'fine'." He rolled his eyes and leaned back onto the bed.

"Why don't you nurse me back to health then?" He grinned. I hopped on his lap, straddling him and leaned for a kiss, but he put his finger up. "Nope, I broke the 'no kissing rule' this time. I'm not letting you get sick."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "You just shoved your phlegm covered tongue in my mouth, and you're worried about getting me sick now?" A light blush flitted over his cheeks and he pulled me down, the shirt I was using to cover my chest fell to the floor and I laughed loudly.

His tongue darted out to lick my cheek and I squealed, quickly wiping it off on his shirt. His hands moved down my skirt and lifted me so I was on my back and he was above me. Edward's lips were on my neck again, slow, sensual kissed trailed from my collarbone to my jaw, and then stopped.

Before I had time to complain, there was a knock on the door. "Go away," I groaned; pulling Edward's head back to my neck.

"It's probably for the best. We're only supposed to do this at night, Bella." He chastised. I stuck my tongue out, irritated and frustrated, and mad. But I got up and retrieved my shirt from the floor, following after Edward to the door.

The knocking became frantic, the sound like a hummingbird's wings flapping. Edward wrenched the door open and I was shocked when he did. Alice was standing there, her face pale, her eyes wide and ghastly. She looked like she'd just witnessed a murder scene.

I walked around Edward and stood in front of her, my hands gripping onto her shoulders. "Alice? What's wrong? Are you okay?" a tear slid from her red eyes and she shook a little before her knees buckled.

I fell with her, and Edward was beside me in an instant, picking up Alice and setting her in one of the chairs. She started to sob, clinging onto Edward; he winced when her fingers dug into the bruises on his shoulders. I came over to relieve him of her, wrapping my arms around Alice's tiny shaking frame.

"Shh, it's okay. Tell me what's wrong, Alice." She only shook her head, crying and shaking onto my embrace. She looked up, though, tears running down her red cheeks. I was so tired of that, the sight of someone crying. I never wanted to see another person cry for as long as I lived.

"It's Jasper." She shivered again, pulling me closer to her. I looked at Edward, whose eyes were wide and he sat on the floor beside me. He came down in whoosh, and I noticed he collapsed.

Jasper had been no better than Edward with the cold going around. He'd been sick a few days longer than Edward, but… Edward's immune system wasn't as strong…

I looked at him, frantic for an answer, some form of relief even! Alice was still shaking in my arms, but I was concentrated on Edward. If the flu got to him and he couldn't fight it, what would happen? No, I knew what would happen, but I couldn't bring myself to think of that as an alternative. He _wouldn't _get it, which was the only solution.

The thought of having Edward absent was… unfathomable. I gripped onto Alice – probably harder than I should have – and she did the same. Tears began to stream down my cheeks, too. It physically _hurt_ to think that he could be harmed. I couldn't do it, I couldn't lose him, he was the only thing I had. I love him too much to live without him. Didn't god understand that?

"Bella," Edward murmured, his hand coming to caress my hair. The only thing in my world at that moment was fear and Edward. His well being consumed me to no end. "It's okay."

I shook my head, knowing that it _wasn't_ okay, it was the very opposite. His green eyes clouded over and he looked away, putting his head in his hands. I reached out, running my fingers through his soft bronze hair and prayed for something. On time with my prayer, Edward started to cough again.

This time it was worse, so much worse. The sound echoed inside my empty, fear infested mind, and I couldn't even dare to think of what was to come, _if_ it came. Swallowing hard, I pried Alice's hands from my shoulders and moved back.

"What about Jasper?" I whispered. Alice swallowed before she breathed in deeply.

"He—he…" she paused, looking at me and then Edward. Another tear slid down her cheek and she put her head in her hands.

"Oh, Alice…"

"He's in the infirmary." Her voice was barely audible, but it made all the difference to me. He was in the infirmary… in the _hospital_. Somewhere in my mind I figured that this was much more than a cold or flu, but I never thought about it to such great lengths.

Last week they'd hauled Rosalie out. She was green when I saw her go, her usually vibrant long blonde hair was pale and her skin was sallow. Why didn't I think about it? What was wrong with me?

"Do we need to go see him?" Edward's voice was right beside me, and I hadn't noticed his hand on my own.

"You don't have to. I was with him all night, but I'm so tired." Her head tilted forward, almost as if she was going to fall asleep right there.

"We'll go take care of him for a while. Just get some sleep." My head snapped up, glaring directly at Edward. Alice nodded in my peripheral vision, and slumped into the chair, her eyes closing immediately.

I pulled Edward into the hall a couple minutes after the sounds of her deep breathing sounded. The warmth on his palm on mine made me realize that I had a lot more at stake in this than I ever perceived before.

"You're not going." I stated when we came to a stop outside of the nurses station. His head pulled back like I had slapped him.

"And why not?" He stuck his chin out indignantly and looked down his nose to me. I stood up to my full height and looked back just as fiercely.

"Because you're already sick as it is."

"All the more reason. You're not sick at all, so letting a healthy person in with the sick would be callous."

"But I'd rather get sick than have you get worse!" tears welled in my eyes, staggering over the under lids of my eyes and hovering just on the edge.

"Bella," he voice was an octave lower, more soothing. "I can't let anything happen to you just because you're stubborn."

"You're stubborn, too." My voice cracked on the last word, and the tears that had welled fell forward. I looked down, too embarrassed, and ashamed, and frantic to think about anything else.

"Excuse me; are you here to see Mr. Whitlock?" I jumped up and turned quickly, causing me to lose balance and fall on my back. Edward bent down, pulling me up and nodded to the nurse.

"Yeah, which room is he in?"

"Oh, I'm sorry; we're not admitting any visitors into his room. If you'd like to _see_ him, there's his room right down the hall, there's a window." Without another word, I pulled Edward down the hallway to the last door on the right.

The nurse was correct; a large Plexiglas window covered the front wall of the room. Inside was a constant white, it was draining to stare at. The bed in front of the door held a pale and sallow looking boy. His skin was white as a ghost, and his hair was grey. And that was Jasper…

"Oh, God," I choked. My knees gave out and I collapsed to the floor beneath me, tears no longer being confined.

"Bella?" Edward kneeled beside me, his arms wrapping around my shoulder in a comforting gesture, but all I felt was sickness. The scene of Jasper with tubes and wires coming out of his body and the deathly appearance of his once rosy coloured skin was stuck.

I choked on my sobs, no longer being able to confine anything. I needed to cry now because I was almost certain that the man beside me would be affected. Almost everyone had the early signs of this cold; it was only a matter of time…

The doctors had so easily dismissed it, some even taking leaves of absence because they thought it was nothing more than an "out of season bug" and now I watched as a friend of mine was slowly being eaten alive by what I was sure was much more than a bug. And even Edward… the person who'd made the jumbled mass of regret and confusion simmer down, was going to be affected.

And so I sat there, crying my eyes out, because soon enough I'd have to be the strong one. No matter what happened, I'd be by his side, and I could only hope that I didn't fall prey to it. I would spend all of my strength taking care of the only person who meant more to me than life.

Yes, if it came down to it, I would give my own life for in exchange for his.

* * *

**A/N: It's getting closer to the climax and such. A lot of you are leaving questioning reviews and I feel bad for not answering. It's one of those cases where even the smallest hint may give away the ending. And I _really_ like the ending I have planned for this.**

**Sorry for the grammar mistakes. -.- I've been writing this at school a lot. I'm back into the swing of picking it up and I've found myself skipping lunch to work on this. I've got excessive writer's rush and I want to get it out before I lose it.**

**Also, I've got a new poll up for those of you who like my one-shots. I see the pervs are all voting. XD The smuttiest and most useless ones are in the lead.**

**I'm updating Cultivating Youth Substenences next, a lot of people are really into it, so if you're looking for an AH piece with angst, drama, and sex, I suggest reading it.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: Make sure to read it all! No skipping if you ever do. Thanks to my amazing Beta, Kitschisme.**

* * *

The sounds of the ambulance were distant and loud all at the same time. Blue birds flew south belatedly and crows settled in, circling over the highway where a dead animal presumably was. The white coated EMTs moved quickly through the grounds, running around with different stretchers.

Jasper was lifted onto a stretcher, his hand firmly tucked inside Alice 's tiny fist. He was unconscious; the cold had turned to a flu, and into something more. The doctors who thought their conversation was private were talking about possible kidney failure. His internal organs were... unresponsive and failing fast. He probably wouldn't make it through the night.

And somehow I was relieved. He'd been stuck in a room for three days after I'd seen him for the very first time. His throat was raw from coughing, and he almost choked to death from mucus piling in his throat. There wasn't much to do for him. He could barely breathe before unconsciousness took him. And now I watched as Alice followed along side his decrepit body to the waiting ambulance.

I swallowed hard and turned away when the doors closed and the wailing of the sirens began. Alice was standing by the stairs, staring blankly into the empty air. I gripped Edward's hand tighter in my own, walking towards Alice ..

My arms immediately wrapped around her, and she jumped before sinking into me. "It'll be okay." I lied.

No one was helping at the hospital. A few dozen suicidal teens was nothing to worry over. Some of the doctors had deserted the hospital, for fear they'd be next on the stretcher.

We made our way up the stairs and into the hallways that connected every which way, Edward trailing behind us. Alice clung to my side, and soon I was dragging her. As soon as we made it to her room, she collapsed onto the bed. That was no surprise; she'd been the resident nurse for the last few days. If I hadn't brought her food, she wouldn't have eaten at all.

Her sleeping form didn't move at all. If not for the light snoring coming from between her lips, I would have thought she was dead. I shook my head immediately after that thought. Death wasn't something to joke about when it was so real… so _present_.

"Bella," Edward whispered behind me. His fingers skimmed across the surface of my forearms and I turned around. His blood shot eyes were a warning of what may come… what was _likely_ to come. The paleness forming on his skin, and the raw, scratchy sound when he spoke was enough to make my faith slip.

Instead of answering him, instead of talking to him in a way I knew would be negative, I grabbed his hand and walked quickly out of Alice 's room and down the hall. Edward didn't say a word, he just followed me. The halls were empty; anyone who hadn't been affected by the virus just stayed in their room all day.

Nurses had quit left and right. Almost all the doctors had closed off sessions, some even relocating. Carlisle was the only one who hadn't taken one day off since the virus had first been noted. It had almost been three weeks, and even he looked worn out. Dr. Lorenzo had stayed, as well. Though he'd been absent more, the hate I carried for him was indescribable.

The staircase to the basement squeaked beneath our heavy footsteps, creating an eerie atmosphere around us. The gym door was slightly ajar, and I walked into it, pushing a bench against.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked. His head tilted to the side, and that only spread the sickly looking veins past his pale white skin.

"You know I love you, right?" His eyes opened wide and he nodded fervently. With that, I jumped at him, my arms wrapping around his neck, and my lips pressing tightly to his.

I'd be the one to break the rule and so much more this time. It had been too long since I'd last kissed him. Since becoming worse he'd cut off all forms of physicality. It wasn't the fact that I just wanted to jump in his pants, it was the most intimate and loving act that we'd ever shared. I was too afraid to lose him to care anymore.

"No! What are you doing?" His arms were suddenly on my shoulders holding me back. My breath was anything but steady. His eyes were wide, shocked and terrified.

"Just let me have this! I don't care if I get sick!" Tears welled up and spilled easily. He pinched the bridge of his nose and his jaw clenched too tightly.

"No, Bella. That's final."

"Final?" I screamed. "Don't say that! I'm tired of watching everyone die around me. We both know it's only a matter of time until it's me—"

"No, it won't be." His voice was a low hiss, making me swallow. "I won't let you get sick because of me. You're still healthy, you haven't even coughed once."

"That doesn't matter!" I wrenched myself from his grip and threw my arms up to punctuate my point. "Don't you get it? If you're not okay, if you're sick, I can't go on without you."

"You sound like a cheesy love song." I glared at him.

"Don't joke about this. It's serious and you know it."

"Of course I know it! I know what this is condemning me to. Just look at Jasper!" I winced and he fell backwards onto the bench blocking the door. His head hung in his hands and he began to breathe deeply. A series of intense coughs filled the air around us. I closed my eyes and memorized the sound and texture.

That was the sound of the man I loved suffering. My knees buckled and I fell onto the ground beneath me. No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. Why was everything always taken away from me?

Banging resounded through the room, the ceiling above sounded like it was being jack hammered. Loud screaming came next, the screeching and barking of frantic people. I looked at Edward who was already removing the bench from in front of the door.

"What's going on?" I asked while Edward grabbed my hand and ran up the stairs.

"I don't know." He whispered. There was a pain in his voice that sent ripples through my body. We ran through the maze of hallways, Edward panting and coughing but determined to keep running.

The sight of him so sickly and weak sent a whirl pool through my stomach. The feeling of fear and doubt spiked me hard and I cringed at each new cough that left his body. My hand tightened around his on instinct, allowing him to know I was there. This became habitual, and though I should have been used to his morbid hacking, I was not, nor would I ever be.

I stopped moving so quickly, turning to face Edward while his breathing regulated. The tears quickly welled, but I pushed them back. This was the time to be strong; I couldn't be weak when he needed me. I had my chance to cry and mourn over everything, so I had to take charge and care for him.

We were silent as we walked toward the noise. The sounds of screaming and yelling surrounded the dimly lit hallway… Alice 's hallway. My eyes popped open and I pulled Edward along.

"Stay back!" A large man yelled. He was dressed in white, a sleek jacket covering a blue undershirt with white pants. His badge was one that belonged to the security team at the hospital. People were trying to get past him, and when an EMT went it, the security guard was knocked aside.

I took my chance then, rushing into the hallway and squeezing between the crowd. Everyone was at Alice 's door…

I froze at the entrance, people still blocking me. Alice was inside, I knew she was there. Gasps surrounded out around me all at once. Screaming started up and soon everyone was moving in. I found myself being poured along with them.

A scent so familiar and nauseating hit me hard. It was putrid, copper and rust mixed with the most foul of scents I'd ever experience. I choked a little before moving forward. As soon as I took a step forward I was being held back. My vision went black and I felt someone behind me.

"Let me go!" I yelled.

"No, Bella. Don't look." It was Edward. His voice was pained, choking. He pulled me back closer, and I felt the throng of people around me moving and pushing beside us. But Edward held still, he didn't budge out of place or even jostle me.

"I need to see if Alice is okay, Edward!" Someone stepped in front of me, mashing my eyes into his hands and I took the moment of retraction to slide out of his hands.

I made my way to the side, looking over people. And if it were Moses parting the Red Sea , the crowd split in front of me. And it was the single most horrifying thing I'd ever see.

My heart sped up, pounding painfully in my ears and sending my blood into thin sheets through my veins. Sweat dewed at every orifice on my body, and I felt cold as my blood drained. My hand went to my mouth and a silent scream was sent from my lips in panting gasps.

Alice was here, she was here and present. Thin drops dripped to the floor beneath her where a steadily growing puddle lay. Her head hung haphazardly on the noose around her neck. The noose was made of an extra shirt, tied precisely in certain spots. Deep bruises lined her neck and her eyes were… open.

Her eyes were open and staring at me. Black and rimmed with red from a popped nerve. Blood stained under the rim and dried before it could make it down. She looked as though she was crying tears of blood.

I swallowed the quickly rising bile and looked up. The image of her face painted ugly pictures in my mind. But looking up only gave me more insight to how she had been done away. One of the tiles of the ceiling was pushed aside and the shirt that she used was tied to a beam.

The shirt looked as though it were about to rip apart at any second. I stumbled backward, her piercing gaze still staring at me. Edward was beside me, yelling. I hadn't noticed that I'd stopped hearing. The screaming was deafening and Edward pulled me out from the room.

Her eyes, so dark and lifeless pierced through me and set a seed of pain tumbling and spreading through my body. The thought of her parted lips screaming accusing words and her dark eyes matching the tone and pace, was all too familiar. Had it only been less than an hour since I'd seen her? She hadn't been full of life; no, she had been sad, lifeless in a way that didn't compare to this.

Slowly, one by one, God was taking everyone away from me. When would it end, and when would I die? When would I end up just like Alice ? My shoulders hunched at the preemptive occurrence.

Edward…

"Bella? Bella!" My head snapped up to Edward. He had his hands on my shoulders, probably tighter than normal, but I couldn't feel. His eyes were dark and pained. They sparkled with the beginnings of tears.

I swallowed. My voice was hoarse, and when I spoke my voice cracked on every other word. "She's gone."

"She's… in a better place." He whispered. And in some sick, pathetic way, that made it all a little better. If I were in her situation, I couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same. Jasper wasn't going to live, he was much too sick, and why would she want to hear about his death when it came instead of waiting for him?

"Maybe…" I whispered, and then broke down.

* * *

"Edward's not getting better…" I whispered. Carlisle sat in front of me, his eyes dark and rimmed with purple bruises. He hadn't taken a rest since the flu started, and I'd never seen him work so hard before.

He nodded to me, his face grave. We must have had the same thought…. The vision of Alice 's face, lifeless, cold and dead sent a shiver up my spine and caused tears to form at the creases of my eyes. Coughing sounded outside the door and I cringed. Edward's cough was worse, much worse.

He was in the infirmary. He'd been ordered there since yesterday. I needed him. It had only been three days since Alice had…

"We're trying to get him better, Bella. We're trying for everyone—"

"Everyone's sake? Don't. I know what's going on, I hear the doctors talking; they're all leaving for a reason, Carlisle . It's more than just a flu, this is an epidemic." I used the exact words I'd heard from Dr. Gerandy. He'd left little over twelve hours ago, he had a briefcase in one hand and a scarf held to his face in the other.

Everyone in the hospital followed regulation, washing hands and cleaning up around their rooms. Isn't it ironic how we all wanted to die, and now we couldn't bring ourselves to do it? Life seemed so worth it. The ' Alice incident' had shown people the truth face of death, and they were all suddenly reformed.

More people were being hauled from the hospital. I didn't know where they were going; we hadn't heard anything of their whereabouts. All I knew was that I was not going to let Edward leave. There had been no news of survivours or anyone recovering from their illness. Hope was slipping quickly.

"We need to remain calm, Bella. You can't get irrational." Carlisle 's eyes were pleading and sorrowful. The look on his face when he saw Edward in the infirmary bed was heartbreaking.

If any other person sat in front of me saying those words, I would have snapped by now. But instead of feeling angry I was completely depressed. I was unhappy to leave Edward's side for therapy, but it occurred to me that maybe Carlisle … needed someone, too. I'd never seen him as casual with anyone as he was with Edward.

"I know, I'm just… so scared." The tears flooded down my cheeks then, and I was powerless to stop them. I let the thoughts I'd been holding back burst forward. All the scenes of people dying before me, and those already dead.

Alice 's face appeared the most. I had left her. I went off with Edward for my own selfish reasons and she ended up worse than just getting hurt. My head fell into my hands and I let it out. All of the burning, overwhelming emotions that I'd been bottling up burst through. I began to think of all the possible scenarios now.

If Edward were gone, I would not survive. I couldn't, and as clichéd and romantic as it sounded, I couldn't heal after everything I'd given to him. I trusted him with my life and so much more. He was the only one who knew how I truly felt, the only one who could make me feel better with his words.

"Bella…" Carlisle 's cold hand touched my shoulder and I looked up. His face was pained, his eyes downcast to mine.

"I can't do it. If—if he's gone, I can't handle it." He sighed and looked away. Carlisle sat in the chair next to me; he was stock still while I cried.

"Bella, I shouldn't tell you this, but they've decided it might be best for quarantine to take place." My head snapped up and my mouth popped open.

"No, that's what they did to Jasper and look how that turned out!" I screamed, standing on my feet. "Please, Carlisle . Do something, save him. I'll do anything, just save him, please just save him!" I broke into hysterics; everything around me was blurred out with liquid in my eyes and my heart pounding in my ears.

I was floating then; my body wasn't crumpled in a ball on the floor. I felt arms underneath me and looked up to see Carlisle focused intently on the hallway he was walking. He brought me to my room, it seemed too empty now. It made me shiver just from the sight of it.

"Save him." I whimpered as he set me on my bed. His black eyes met mine and pulled the covers up to my chin. He averted my gaze for a moment and then looked back.

"I will do what I can…" his voice held strong conviction, and his eyes made my heart rate calm. For some reason I believed that _his_ best was better than anyone else's.

I watched his back turn and saw his retreating figure exit the room before I turned on my side. Edward's bed mocked me of what once was. It seemed so short looking back, but I'd felt as though I'd known him for forever. I'd trade everything away to make him better.

* * *

"Oh, Bella…" Hot breath touched my ear and I shivered. A hand touched my hip and squeezed it. I almost reveled in the feel of warm skin on my own before a deep chuckle rumbled in my ear.

My eyes snapped open in the dark room and I sat up quickly. I caught myself on the edge of my bed before I fell off. My arms were pinned to my side and my back was to the headboard in an instant. My head spun from the sudden movements and pain.

I opened my eyes when the throbbing dulled and regretted it. The one person I'd hoped had left or contracted the disease was still here… right in front of me. I opened my mouth to scream and he put a hand over my mouth. I flung my body around, trying to hit him in a vain attempt at self-defense.

"You're a lot stronger than last time." He mumbled.. I made contact with his neck and he cringed, releasing me. I fell to the floor and backed up to the wall.

I was panting and trying desperately to get away from him. My back hit the wall and I screamed again, my voice was hoarse, but it was enough. Dr. Lorenzo jumped from my bed and front of me. His hand pressed hard against my mouth, pushing my head into the hard stone of the wall.

"You're stronger, but then again you were only thirteen… maybe fourteen." I stopped, my body going cold and still. He grinned at me. "Curious? You never wondered who it was, Bella Swan?" I breathed in deeply and forced my thoughts back to the day I'd tried to so desperately to block out.

"You…" I breathed, my body beginning to shake violently. Tears streamed without thought and I couldn't find the will to move from where I sat. He moved to sit on the bed again.

He smiled and looked me over. "That's right. Though, I was only a college student then. I guess you could say it was you who started my affinity for little girls. I liked the way they moved when they were scared."

"You're a rapist." I murmured, my voice not strong enough to carry. "You hurt so many people…"

"But they wanted me to."

"I didn't!" I was only speaking, the shock of facing my predecessor was… unnerving. And too much. I couldn't do this. I hadn't even been able to speak casually with Edward about it…

"No, you didn't." He sneered at me. "But it still happened, and I know about what happened you selfish bitch."

"Selfish…" I whispered. He moved from the bed, and walked towards me. His fingers tugged at my chin and pulled my face up.

"That wasn't just _your_ baby. It was mine, too. You killed it without me knowing." I blanched and swell of hate rose in my chest. How dare he?

"I didn't know who the hell you were!" I smacked his hand away and stumbled to stand. The door was shut but there weren't any locks to patient doors. He sat on the bed, daring me to move, so I stood.

The door was roughly twenty feet away. If I ran I could make it… but I wasn't that fast. If I made it into the hallway I could scream. If I went to Carlisle he could see, he would be a witness.

He began to start talking again, telling me about that night I'd tried so hard to forget. My mind blocked him out and focused on escape. If he got into his story for long enough he wouldn't notice me slowly inching towards the door.

I inched my left foot closer to the center of the room and then to my right. Dr. Lorenzo seemed occupied, his eyes closed and he chuckled. I took the second to take a step forward. When he opened his eyes I held my breath… but he kept talking. He really was a self-obsessed bastard. I took another step as he moved his hand over his eyes and started laughing.

I was far enough away from him that he could still see me – if he was paying attention – but he didn't notice my movements. Taking a deep breath, I bolted. My legs stretched forward and I threw the door open.

I was in a full sprint down the hall, my heart racing and my blood pumping in my ears. I could hear his leather shoes slapping against the floor as he came after me. He may have been bigger, but for as small as I was, I was faster.

I quickly rounded the corner and made my way to the offices. I was panting by the time I made it there. And to my surprise, they was empty.

Lillian wasn't at the front desk. Her computer screen was black and all the office doors were closed. I pounded on Carlisle 's but there was no answer. His windows were black and covered by blinds. Where the hell was he?

Hearing Lorenzo behind me, I took off again. I ran to the infirmary this time. I didn't know where else to go. In my times of need I went to Edward. The white hallways were ghastly to me. I'd had too many experiences coming down this corridor for the death of my friend. Tears stung at my eyes and I ran faster, pushing my legs to see him.

No one was guarding the doors or the rooms. I looked around frantically, but no one appeared. What the hell was going on?

I ran to Edward's room, the last door on the right. The door was locked, but I went to the window looking in…

He wasn't… there. His sheets were pulled back and his body was missing. I felt all the wind leave my body and I fell to my knees, a sob escaping my lips.

"Oh god," I choked. I was too late. He was gone and no one even told me.

I could hear him now, closer and panting through his fake nose and fake teeth. It was a minute before he spoke, but I could barely hear. Sobs ripped from my body and I was ready to scream.

"Carlisle said he was done for this morning. He took him out and then left. Seems like it's just you and me now. While you were asleep the hospital evacuated. This was destined to happen at some point, Bella—"

"Don't you say my name." I spat. He looked taken aback before he walked forward with a sneer.

I stood up to my full height, my thoughts marred with blind furry.. I could only see red. I wanted to kill him. I wanted his blood to be spilled like Alice 's, and I wanted to see him cry and scream. All I wanted was for him to be gone.

"You sorry excuse for a man. All you're capable of it hurting people, you don't care who it is as long as you get you fun out of it!"

"You're point is?" He raised one eyebrow and smiled at me. He took a step toward me again, and this time pushed me into the wall, his hands on my wrists. His lips went to my neck and he inhaled. "Oh, that's right, you don't have one."

I kicked him between the legs – hard – and he dropped me, grabbing his thighs and bending over. I was so damn tired of playing victim. I'd rather die than take anything from this demon.

"You bitch!" He hissed. I pushed on his hunched form and he wobbled forward while I ran around. If I could make it outside…

"No!" I screamed when I felt his disgusting arms pull my waist and shoulder. I was slammed into the wall again, harder this time. My head snapped back and hit the wall.

I could feel the warmth seeping into my hair and knew I was bleeding. I breathed through my mouth and tried to keep my eyes open. No, this couldn't be happening. But his face was right in front of me, hard as ice.

"There's no one here to save you now."

* * *

**A/N: Um... don't shoot me, please.**

**I was originally going to cut this chapter in half, but I decided a longer chapter would be recompence for the wait, and the majour cliffy. Eh heh. I know this wasn't ideal, and probably wasn't expected. This wasn't in my outline, though, so I surprised myself, too. :D**

**So it was Dr. Lorenzo who went after Bella that night. Before anyone asks, no, he's not a werewolf. I didn't intend to make it him, infact, it was people guessing that is _was_ him that made me change my mind.**

**Also, if anyone who alerts me hasn't seen a one-shot from me in a while... it's because I haven't written any. I'm taking requests until October tenth, so if anyone has any ideas, that would be awesome. :)**

**Don't forget to review!**


	13. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: Left you with a cliffy last time, and I'm sorry. -.-; This is one of my favourite chapters.**

**Thanks again to my incredible Beta, Kitschisme. She updated _Between the Lines_, go look at it!**

* * *

**I just can't forget  
The blood,  
The stitches,  
The bite marks,  
The kisses,  
The glass memories reflecting back  
The suffocating block,  
Ill milk of regret  
Just smile and breathe,  
Dad we never mattered it anyway  
Smile and breathe,  
Dad we never mattered anyway**

**--**

**OTEP(Otep Shamaya); _Milk Of Regret_**

* * *

I tried to push my body forward, but I couldn't control my weak limbs. My head was fuzzy. My eyes went out of focus as the man in front of me forced my back further into the wall and a dizziness enveloped me. I had to close my eyes, praying this was some kind of a horrible, terrible dream. But when I opened them again, he was still there, a sneer over his lips.

"Don't," I whimpered. If only that were the magic word, but of course, he only pushed my wrists harder into the wall. A scream ripped from my throat, and the stinging in my arms rushed to match the one at the back of my head.

I could feel the cuts reopening and seeping through. I whimpered and struggled, but he only held on tighter, pressing his body into mine to stop me from moving. I couldn't focus on any one noise; my mind kept spinning to different places and sounds in the room. I heard his breathing, his short, hysterical laugh, and the way he shifted his clothing.

I closed my eyes, tears escaping the corners. Just when I thought things were getting better, when I thought I was going to have a happily-ever-after, everything got mixed up and worse. But I would have been okay if Edward were here. I would have fought and pushed back… but he wasn't here.

My strength was gone. Edward wasn't here with me anymore, he had been taken away. Even with Carlisle's promises of keeping him safe, Edward was gone. A sob escaped my throat and all I wanted to do was die. All I could hope for was that he would kill me when he was through with me.

"Shh, Bella, shh." He crooned in my ear, his hands sliding up my thigh. "I'll make you feel good… so good you'll want more and more." More tears slid down my cheeks and I gasped for air.

"No, no, no, don't, oh God, please don't!" I thrashed my legs out, tears pouring down off my chin to the floor. I screamed and cried out for help, but no one came.

His hand came over my mouth and pushed my head further into the wall. I groaned at the sudden pain, my eyes rolling back into my head and my legs going limp. The pain and crushing grief took away all of my adrenaline rush and left me with a tired and sore body. All I could do was hope that this would be quick and that I'd be dead when he was done.

I screamed behind his hand and then pushed my tongue between my teeth. I bit down on it, but he pulled my jaw open before I could break the muscle. His eyes were narrowed and dark. Lorenzo pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and shoved it back into my mouth, making me gag.

"Don't you even think about it!" He yelled. "I've waited too damn long to have you kill yourself now."

I closed my eyes tightly, blocking out everything. I could feel his hands running up the back of my thighs and to my hips; his lips touched the skin of my neck. I couldn't hear or see anything, my mind was blocking it all out, numbing over the pain.

I tried to imagine Edward; I needed to get through this somehow. The way he touched me, so soft and gentle, compared to the hard calloused hands that groped at my skin was a terrifying contrast. I only saw Edward's face in my head; his smile, his laugh, his tender caress. I whimpered at the shock of pain that ran through my skin.

I ignored it. I knew he was looking for me to respond. It was all too familiar. The sting of knuckles hitting my cheek brought me back. My eyes opened and I saw him in front of me, angry and aggressive..

Lorenzo's hand released my wrists and he threw me to the ground. The cold tile smacked against my skin and I screamed as my arm landed beneath me. Fear bubbled over me and I looked up at him. Sheer terror ran through me and I screamed again.

His foot connected with my side and I rolled onto my stomach. "You stupid _bitch_." He hissed.

I started to shake and quiver, it didn't even matter that I was showing weakness. I was scared, more so than I had ever been before. A whimper escaped my throat and I curled in on myself. I could hear the steps of his leather shoes coming closer, and then they paused.

I took quick and panicky breaths to try and calm myself, without any difference. The pain in the back of my head was screaming and my whole body ached. My arm was cradled to my chest on instinct, the throbbing had become too much and began to pound through the blood that was seeping past the bandages.

There was a snapping sound above me. I looked up alarmed and lost what little breath I had.

"Ah!" Lorenzo screamed, "W-what the hell are you doing?!" He was suspended in air by his arm, his feet a foot above the ground.

His arms were above his head, held in long, pale, hands. The hands gripped tighter, snapping the bones in his arms. Lorenzo let out a sickening scream. I looked down the arms to the torso of the person holding him. Each button led me to the slender column of a white throat and neck.

"Carlisle," I breathed a whimper. His eyes didn't look to me, but kept focus on the sniveling man that he held.

"Ah… ah… please, don't! Oh God, my arms! My arms!" I turned my head away as I saw Carlisle enclose his hands tighter around the broken bones. More snapping echoed and a sickening scream.

Something landed in front of me and more snapping came from Lorenzo. I looked back, somewhat almost gleeful. Lorenzo was in front of me, his arms limp and bleeding in front of him. The skin was sticking up and showed where the bones were almost sticking out from him. I swallowed back the bile that rose in my throat and looked at Carlisle. His eyes were nearly black, no expression on his face.

He looked directly at Lorenzo and took a step forward. Lorenzo started to kick his legs backward. He crawled to the wall, and when his back hit it, he started to scream again. Garbled pleads left his lips at a fast pace and he was crying.

Isn't this what I wanted to see? The blood that was pouring out of his arms was enough to recompense, but at the same time, it wasn't the blood of a virgin spilled for the first time. He was crying, sniveling and pleading, just as I had been. But the whole scene in front of me didn't bring any sense of justice, just a horrible grinding pain.

"No! Don't, Carlisle! What are you doing? Please! Oh, God, please stop!" Another shriek left his mouth as Carlisle lifted him by the shirt collar and smashed him back against the wall.

Blood quickly ran down the wall, the back of Lorenzo's head had split open, worse than mine. Carlisle was getting vengeance for me…

"Don't," I whispered for the second time. Carlisle looked at me for the first time since he arrived. His dark eyes calmed a bit and I sat on my knees, trying to deal with the pain that rode through my body.

"Please, don't," Carlisle's jaw clenched at the sound of Lorenzo's voice. I inhaled deeply and winced at the pain.

"Carlisle," I whimpered, my throat closing up from the lump. He _growled_ and dropped Lorenzo to the ground. In an instant, he was by my side. My breath caught and I was up in his arms.

"If you live," Carlisle spat in the direction of Lorenzo, "it will be a pitiful existence." And then he took off.

The wind blew by me at an alarming rate - I noticed that even with my dull senses. The hallways were a blur as he ran outside, the tinted colours of green and brown flew by, alerting me that we were outside.

The cold November wind that was slowly transitioning into December hit all my open wounds that bled. Carlisle's chest was unmoving as he ran with me in his arms. I only now noticed he had stopped breathing. I wrote it off for later; it was so much more than obvious that he wasn't only a doctor, and that could barely pass as a pretense.

The blood from the back of my head stopped running, but I could feel the effects from so much loss sinking in. My adrenaline rush had dried out all my senses, and I could feel myself nodding in and out of reality.

"Sleep, Bella, there's still a ways to go." Carlisle said softly.

I shook my head, tears forming at the creases of my eyes. "You promised…" I whispered.

Carlisle was quiet for a second, but he spoke soon enough, his voice light and convicted. "I did. Edward is safe." And with that, I fell into unconsciousness.

* * *

The soaking heat of my bath wasn't enough to calm my nerves. I tried to breathe in the lavender and vanilla scents but it made my head swirl. I missed the smell of antiseptic and sweat. The white bubbles that piled up to my chin only hid the light pink and dirty brown water underneath.

It had been a long time since I had a real bath. But I couldn't enjoy any of it. Behind the door that I stared at, and hear the noises from the other side, was the man that I loved.

Carlisle had successfully mended my open cuts and stitched up all of the gashes. My head was wrapped in gauze. The bleeding had stopped some time after I passed out, but the fact that I had lost so much blood worried him. He put me on bed rest, but that was only until I figured out that I was in the same house with Edward.

I closed my eyes tightly, remembering the first time I'd seen him writhing in pain. I had thought Carlisle was killing him. I stood in shock and disbelief, not understanding what was happening. Edward's body wriggled on top of the sheets, his breathing ragged, his skin flushed.

Instead of screaming as I had planned to do, I instead ran to his side. He cried out at the touch of my skin. Scared, I retracted my hand. Even the slightest movement to his body had him screaming in agony. I cried frustrated tears as the need to hold him surged through my body, but my comfort would only cause him pain.

Carlisle moved to the opposite side of the bed, his weight alerting me where he had settled. Immediately I jumped up, staring at him with accusing eyes. I had forgotten the debt that I owed him for saving my life and instead brought fiery wrath onto him for causing Edward so much pain.

"What did you _do_?" I screamed at him. Carlisle was stoic before me; he didn't say a word as his wary eyes fell on Edward. My voice, upset and pained, only hurt him more. A whimper escaped his lips and I let my hand fall to his forehead, trying to calm him.

"Only what you asked of me." Was his reply. I looked at him incredulously before hissing in a whisper.

"_This_ is what you think I asked?" I stood from the bed, my hand gripping Edward's. "He's in pain! He's _dying_!"

"Yes, he is." Carlisle sighed. "But, he'll still… live, I suppose.." I looked into his dark amber eyes and immediately knew what he had done.

I had asked him, knowing that he could do something that other doctors could not. I didn't ask for any alternatives, just to have him saved. My knees buckled and I fell to the floor, my arms clinging to the bed.

"What did you do?" I whispered. Carlisle sighed once more before straightening up and looking at Edward.

"You're not the only one who loved Edward." He began. "Since he arrived at the hospital I had a strong bond with him. I knew all about what happened to him from the files I was given, but I wanted him to trust me enough to tell me on his own." He paused briefly, looking back up at me. "I'd always seen him as my son in a way. I never had children; I only have my wife, who isn't here. She couldn't take the overpowering scent."

"What scent?" I interrupted without thinking.

He was hesitant to answer before his jaw clenched. "Blood," he nearly spat. "I suppose I should get straight to the point then?"

"Please," I whispered.

"From what you told me, you live close to the Quileute reservation, correct?" I nodded. "Have you heard any of their tales? The elders are the ones who usually tell them."

"My dad's best friend told me a couple…" I thought back to the days of my childhood, going to the beach and playing in the tide. The great fire they had set one night with old men gathering all the little kids.

Stories of 'protectors' and 'Cold People' were the only things that tugged at my memory. They said the Cold Ones were demons amoung humans, that it was the protectors' job to stop them. Blood red eyes… White, cold skin… _bloodlust_. I gasped out loud and looked back up at Carlisle.

He didn't say anything as I looked on, trying to find sources of the common traits. His eyes were not red, but a dark gold that had been black only a few days earlier. Light traces of crimson trickled around the edges, but dark around the pupil. His eyes were a cornucopia of colours and textures.

His skin was hard, and cold as ice. I had noticed that from the very first time I had felt his skin. And the comment he had just made, his wife not being able to stand the scent of blood...

It was all too much to handle, I felt my eyes roll back into my head. The room began to spin as I fell backwards onto the floor and my sight was enveloped in black.

When I had awoken, Carlisle confirmed my theory but used a modernized word to describe himself. A_ vampire_. I nearly scoffed at the word. I regularly rolled my eyes at whoever said it; it was hard to believe that my doctor was a bloodsucking vampire.

But I had to believe it. He said he had bitten Edward, beginning the process of christening him into the world he had known for so long. I had been tentative while caring for Edward, he had a large scar on his neck, I didn't have to ask to know it was where he had been bitten. I'd read enough Anne Rice to know that the neck was the best point of attack.

I closed my eyes and sank deeper into the murky water; the bubbles began to pop and spread out. My fingers were all pruney and I rubbed them together under the water. The comfortable heat was slowly turning cold with the water's dropping temperature.

With a sigh, I stood from the large porcelain tub and carefully stepped out. This was the kind of bathroom I had always wanted; this whole _house_ was the kind that I dreamed about. I tried to focus on the trim of the bathroom and trick myself into being blissfully unaware of everything around me..

All my friends were gone; the epidemic had taken them from me. I tried not to think of Alice 's accusing eyes, black and unseeing. I didn't want to think about the pale stature of Jasper, his cough eliciting a shock of red to come from his mouth. Even Rosalie, who has been so full of life and perfect, had succumbed – the first victim – to the flu.

And now Edward had almost been the prey, but the real life predator had saved him. Edward would live on for… eternity… and wouldn't have to die from any illness. I looked down as I realized he was never going to _die_ again after this. I could only hope he didn't hate me for this.

I threw on the black pants and white shirt that I had been given. Carlisle had said they were his wife's and they should fit, but they were still loose. I didn't have the chest to fill out the shirt, nor the legs for the long pants. Rolling the end of my pants, I hobbled to the door in a single motion.

I smiled to myself as I made it to the door without falling. Just as I opened it, my bare foot came in contact with a wet spot. I slipped, a squeak coming from my lips before arms wrapped around my waist.

"Careful, dear. We don't want to open any stitches." I looked up in shock at the female voice, my face enflamed.

"S-sorry," I muttered, steadying myself as I was up righted.

"It's not a problem." She smiled at me, her full pink lips stretching into a closed mouth smile.

Her eyes were a light golden honey, showing sincerity. She had light caramel coloured hair, wavy towards the center and down. She was beautiful, probably not much more than twenty.

"I'm Esme, Carlisle 's wife. It's nice to finally meet you, Bella." She smiled again and stuck her hand out.

I grabbed her hand with mine and shook. She had a loose grip with her icy skin, but I knew she could hold me a lot tighter. "Thank you, Esme."

"I'm sorry I haven't been around, things became overwhelming very quickly. Carlisle needed a little break so I took his place." She looked in the direction of Edward's room. "He seems to be doing well."

"He's in so much pain…" I whispered.

Esme's eyebrows came together, a look of sympathy on her face. She wrapped her slender arms around my shoulders and hugged me to her. It was such a motherly action. Her embrace made me feel so safe and secure… almost like Edward.

"I would hate to bring this on you so quickly," she hesitated. " Carlisle has already told you about what's going through Edward's body. In a day – maybe less – he'll be a newborn." She looked down at me, her eyes serious. "His bloodlust will be uncontrollable, and Carlisle and I will of course be here to take care of him, but you can't be here."

"Why?" I gasped unthinkingly.

"You're human, you have pumping blood." She brushed her hand over my cheek. "I think you should be given an ultimatum. You love him, don't you?"

"Of course."

"You've gone through so much to be with him, you deserve to choose on your own."

"What am I choosing?" I interrupted. Immediately my interests were piqued.

"You have a choice, one that most of us don't get. You can remain human, or," she paused, looking to Edward's room again. "Become an immortal."

* * *

**A/N: I leave you with one hanger, and end off with another. I know. XD I'm so mean.**

**In case anyone was wondering, if you bite your tongue it keeps gushing blood, it won't stop. I watched someone get their tongue split open like a snake once and it was the single most terrifying thing ever. The guy who got it down was on bed rest for three days, he became anemic obviously.**

**Just to clear something up, I should have said this long ago, Alice, Jasper, and everyone else who was taken out of the hospital** **are _dead_ I know it sucks. I love Alice, Ashley Greene plays her so well, they couldn't have picked a better actress for Alice. Nikki Reed is cute, but not suited for Rosalie.**

**Song above is one of my favourites from OTEP, they're my favourite band. I'm in love with Otep Shamaya. Personally, Blood Pigs is my new favourite, T.R.I.C. has the longest record. XD I'm babbling.**

**I'd love to get to four hundred reviews, I got to three fifty on CYS which I'm still on overdrive from.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, real life sucks.**

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I think I may have fainted, or maybe my legs just gave out. My head pounded out a disjointed rhythm that matched the pulse of my heart. My throat constricted while I attempted to create sound, I wasn't sure what I was trying to say.

The room spun all around me and Esme's dark caramel eyes seemed distant. I could feel the air gently rushing by me as I fell, in which direction I wasn't sure. Every particle that passed my ear made a screaming whistle as my eyes rolled back into my head.

Cold objects wrapped around my torso to support me. I could feel the ground beneath me, but I was in a horrible shock. My body shivered and I could feel the bile rising in my throat. Oh no.

I heard the gurgle in my stomach and suddenly there was a pail before me. My hands pulled it closer to me, allowing my face to duck inside and not force Esme to watch me vomit out my insides.

I dry heaved after the first bought. I hadn't eaten in a while, and that had slipped my mind until now. My throat became dry and raw quickly with each pass of acid. The smell was worse than blood, so much saltier that it stung at my nose and prickled at my eyes.

Esme's calming hands caressed my hair gently as I tried to calm down my body. I was still shaking, my insides screaming in silent protest. Had this all happened in a matter of a minute?

When I was positive I wouldn't wretch anymore, I pushed the pail away from me and pulled my legs to my chest. My lungs felt as if they were on fire. Taking in a deep, painful sigh, I looked back at Esme. Her face etched with worry as she looked me on. Her eyebrows were pulled down in the middle, her nose scrunched in pain.

Carlisle told me they didn't eat, so this must have been ten times worse for her than it was for me. I grimaced and tried to smile apologetically, but I started to cry instead. What was going on with me?

"Bella, honey," she cooed, her arms wrapping around me and pulling me into her lap.

"I don't know," I sobbed loudly. I was crying into her shoulder, wanting to relieve the stressful pain that was tormenting my body.

"Be calm, when the time is right you can decide."

"There is no right time!" I cried, looking up at her. "You said it yourself, Edward's in there – suffering – and changing. When he wakes up he won't be the same! He'll want to kill me, and that will only make things worse for him. If I stay here, I'll be his first meal, but if I – if I…" my voice trailed off and I was sobbing again.

"I know, I know," she murmured. Her body moved in a motion that soothed me. My eyes drooped a bit before I sat up, looking at the door where Edward was.

"I don't... know." I sniffled and looked back at Esme.

"It's complicated. Most people don't get the opportunity to decide. You should know, though." She looked at me wearily. "There are very few of our kind that enjoy what we are. Living off blood and the lust that comes with it isn't at all what most people would think it to be. Carlisle spent years upon years perfecting his control so that he could work around humans."

"Then won't Edward be like that? He'll be scared and alone and confused. Even if I do… do this, won't I be away from him when he's awake?"

"Yes, but it will be so much with two newborns to handle, it might be best for us to handle Edward for a day or two before you." She paused and looked at me sadly. "Tomorrow should be his last day to endure the process of the change; you'll need to decide by tonight. Your scent needs to be removed from the area."

Tonight… was that all the time I had to decide? My throat closed up a bit and I tried to swallow. My heart gave a loud thud before I thought over that meaning. Tonight I would have to decide. It should have been obvious… but it wasn't. I loved Edward, of course, but to have an eternity of blood lust and pain, always thinking back on the what ifs and the horrible memories...

I wouldn't be able to see my family anymore. I'd promised my mother that I'd come and visit her as soon as I left the hospital. The few letters I received from her were packed full of ideas, she wanted to come and see me. Charlie had no one to look after him, no one to keep him company.

I couldn't make amends with any of my friends. I wouldn't be able to say I was sorry about lashing out at Jacob or blowing off everyone when I was so depressed and stuck in my own little world.

I'd have to forever live with the image of Alice 's face staring me down in her room. The image of her blood soaked face eyes and accusatory expression that was all in my mind. Everyone I'd become close with was dead; I'd see their pale skin and sickly bodies in my head for the rest of my life.

But… I'd have something that meant more than life to me. I had promised only a few weeks ago that if it came down to it, I would gladly give up my life for Edward. No, there wasn't a doubt in my mind even as I thought about it now. The thought of my life being gone had always meant a different world, maybe heaven or hell or even just a life of a coma.

I wouldn't have to worry about not getting into heaven anymore; I could live forever out with the man that I loved. Carlisle would help us, he would be with us whenever we needed him, and Esme seemed like the perfect mother figure. Would it be possible to have a little happiness with this alternative?

They say time heals all wounds. Maybe, with all the time I'd have I could have all my wounds healed. It had been only a few months and Edward had sewn me up into a girl again, not just a shell.

I could manage the pain; it would be three days to trade away for an eternity. If it meant that I could be with Edward… I would gladly throw my life away.

"Esme?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, Bella?"

"When will Carlisle be back?"

* * *

"You're sure about this, Bella?" Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder, soothing the tense muscle.

I nodded mutely; I hadn't spoken since I'd left Edward's room. His skin was harder when I kissed his cheek, he wasn't as warm anymore either. His features had become sharper, every muscle had definition.

Carlisle had taken me to a cabin in the woods about fifty miles away from the house. Esme had agreed to watch over Edward. The way her eyes darkened at the thought of my blood spilling gave me the hint that her control wasn't near Carlisle 's.

Carlisle pumped morphine into me. If I wasn't about to have his venom in me, I would probably die by nightfall. The morphine relaxed all my muscles, lulling me into a peaceful state. My eyelids slid shut just a bit; I could see Edward's face. He was smiling at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

I felt Carlisle 's lips at my neck and I started. Before I could wriggle around or change my mind, his teeth pierced the skin. It felt like the razorblade on my wrist again, but this time the pain was magnified, like someone had rubbed it with salt a hundred times over.

The fire dulled a bit, being replaced by the morphine. I wondered briefly how long that would last before it burned up. Carlisle hoped it was enough for a day or two, but I could feel the pain slowly piercing through.

My jaw locked up and I closed my eyes tightly. I focused on Edward's face behind my lids instead of the pain. I could feel incisions in my wrists, moving over the many cuts. My ankles throbbed before I figured out that he was biting me, working from all angles.

I breathed in deeply through my nose to avoid the searing flames that swam through my veins. The morphine kicked in then, numbing me over, but somehow not dimming the pain any. My body just gave out, the pain still very present. I could feel it as I slipped into a morphine induced sleep.

* * *

My eyes were on fire, sending hot tears down my cheeks. My jaw had unlocked long ago, sending screams and whimpers out into the air. I couldn't control the writhing my body made. Carlisle was beside me the entire time, talking about anything that came to his mind.

It was on my suggestion that he did. I focused on his words, trying to decipher them. I heard Edward's name every now and then, always bringing back my focus. He always saved me from the depths of hell.

Waves crashed over me, molten lava trying to drag me under, but I focused, wanting to hear more. Carlisle was talking about Edward's progress. Esme was at home with him, bringing in deer and elk that happened to pass by.

"He's doing well, you would be proud." I tuned out, hearing the high shrieking in my ears that was my own voice. I opened my eyes and peered out at him. His eyes were sad, but he continued on. "He'll be going on his first hunt outside of the house today. Esme will be taking him, the animals are about to go into hibernation so they'll be easier to attack."

I zoned out, not being able to focus on anything but the searing pain in my lungs. I was drowning but I focused on keeping my head above water. I wasn't sure if the pain had intensified over time or not, but whatever distinction I thought of couldn't describe this. I could scream all I wanted but it wouldn't make things better.

I thought about little things to keep myself sane. I thought about Edward mostly. I imagined his face and his smile, his laugh and voice; I could see him grinning at me. I saw the way his eyes lit up when we talked, the way he would kiss me with gentle lips. I saw his expression as he rested above me, whispering sweet nothings as we rocked into oblivion.

I wanted to be with him for the rest of eternity to be able to share all of these things with him for all of time. I wanted to see all of his features and have them engrained in my head so that I never forgot the way his hair fell so perfectly in front of his emerald green eyes.

I imagined his face with amber eyes, maybe even red like the newborns. I could see his profile vaguely, the defining shape and the way he'd look older than he really was, and I couldn't see it very well.

This helped me through my time in the fiery depths of hell. I wanted to survive so that I could see him and be with him. We wouldn't have to worry about sleep, or eating or the mundane things that took away from our time together.

I'd never thought like this before. The thought of him now made my whole body light up with a fire of devotion instead of pain. I felt so much stronger for him now than before.

"…He asked about you before." I heard Carlisle 's voice speak, bringing me back up, forcing my deafening ears to perk up. "He asked where you were and if you were safe. He was in a near state of panic. I'm not surprised, though. Most mates can't stand to be away from another for more than an hour or two, especially when there was previous affection in the human life. All of our senses are multiplied…"

I fell out, my ears no longer able to hear. I had gone deaf. The pain strangled my ear drums and forced out horrible rhythms that made a scream escape my throat. Something cold touched my forehead, nursing me through the pain. My eyes opened, but all I saw was black.

I was losing myself. I couldn't think clearly anymore. I couldn't see or hear. I was becoming inanimate. Was this supposed to happen? I had always thought Edward heard me nursing him through. A disjointed rhythm caught my attention.

I could feel it throughout my body, overlapping the pain. Panic swelled in my chest as I felt the constricting pain. My hand went to my heart, my throat desperately gasped for air, trying to make it slow down.

It pounded to an extreme I had never before felt. My back arched as I felt the scream rise in my throat. As quickly as my heart had sped… it stopped.

I panicked quickly, my mind swirled around the possibilities, coming up with nothing. I tried to process it. Maybe it was a dream? I only now realized I'd stopped breathing, and had been for some time.

I could feel the pain seep slowly, creeping from my toes to my ankles, passing over each inch of flesh. Slowly it descended out of my body, all but a throbbing pain in the back of my throat. It was understandable. I had been screaming for three days straight, I wouldn't be surprised if my throat had been completely raw.

Every bone in my back cracked as the pain slowly left my body. The sickening sound made me wince; it was all too familiar. My body fell limp and I opened my eyes for the first time in three days without the pain.

I could see the dim light of a sixty watt light bulb, and each piece of dust that floated through the air. My eyes flittered to each object in the room, analyzing the patterns and materials.

"Good morning," I looked to my side; Carlisle was sitting there, his eyes fringed with red and a tired expression on his face. I sat up, much quicker than I had expected.

I looked him over, every feature became clearer. I could see the smooth skin of his face, the light burgundy that permeated his usually golden eyes. He smiled at me, allowing me to rudely look him over.

My eyes went to his right hand immediately. He had a thick, large thermos in his hand. My throat enflamed at the sight, painful pulsing and scraping itched me grab the damn thing from his hand. Carlisle , graciously, handed me the thermos and had the cap off in the same instant.

My lips were around the top in a second, not wasting any time in devouring the whole thing. I greedily swallowed the contents; the fire dulled a bit but didn't retreat. I had to have more; I could hear a steady pulse from the front of the cabin.

"There's a bear out front. It's sleeping at the moment." Carlisle murmured, his eyes moving to the door.

I was on my feet in an instant. The door was left open, probably best since I was ready to run right through it. A large grizzly bear was chained up to a tree, a large collar around its neck. I focused in on the steady pulse of blood.

My hands were around its neck in no time, crushing the femur and the windpipe quickly. I heard a short dry rasp before the bear dropped in my arms. My lips attached to the pulse point and I bit into it deeply. The fresh, warm and sweet flow of blood swam in my mouth. I wasted not one drop as I swallowed all of the warmth from its body.

The ache in my throat dulled considerably, but I still craved more. I pulled more, sucking it dry. I could feel the warmth pooling through my body. I liked the feeling more than I should have, but I was focused on the pain more than moral thinking.

I stepped away from the body and licked my lips, finding that I had not spilled a single drop. I heard a noise from behind me and turned. Carlisle was leaned up against the house.

"That should be enough to get back home. We can make the trip within sunrise." He took off running from the house; I followed along, right on his heels without a thought.

"To Edward?" I asked quickly, my body tingled at the thought of seeing him.

"Yes, and Esme. There's a lion two miles from here, we'll stop there, you'll need all you can get in this state."

I felt the flames lick at my throat at the mention of retaining more blood, but I kept my mind focused. Edward. I was going to see him again.

* * *

**A/N: Slight cliffy, but the next chapter's complete so it honestly shouldn't be long.**

**Thank you all for your patience and kind words, this story is like my baby, and I love it unconditionally.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: Your birthday wishes are awesome. Thank you guys. ^-^**

**I'm going to posting everyday until Wednesday and then I'm taking Thanksgiving off. I've got family coming over and then I'm having dinner at my best friend's house. I love his crazy messed up family holidays, food fights are the best. xD**

* * *

Carlisle and I ran across the mountainous plains of the woods. My body was pulled in different directions and Carlisle had to keep me focused.. I couldn't control my actions in this body; it was too different. I ran too fast to stop myself from knocking over a tree once we took off.

As embarrassing as I was, Carlisle didn't look surprised; he only smiled and helped me up, taking a much slower pace this time. My eyes couldn't focus on one thing at a time.. My head would snap to the slightest sound. I could hear all of the leaves that remained on the branches twisting and snapping from the limbs.

I watched as each leaf fell, keeping count in my head for something to focus on. My throat burned and ached but I kept the count of leaves in my head, telling myself if I lost sight of even one I would be punished somehow.

I smelled faint traces of familiar scents, but I couldn't place many of them. I smelled the pine of trees and the strong blast of dead leaves. I was brought back to when I was a little kid, how I would throw myself into the piles that Charlie raked up.

Carlisle hadn't lied when he said there was a lion close by. A large mountain lion sat on a rock about fifty feet from me. I could see it clearly though it could not see me. I growled low in my throat before Carlisle stopped behind me and nodded for me to continue on.

I was off like a shot and in front of lion in no time. It only had time to jump up and hiss before my hands grabbed its throat and squeezed until I heard a loud snap. I could feel no remourse in my being as I pressed my lips to its neck and brushed my teeth over the pulsing vein.

I drained every last drop until I could feel the freshly drunk blood slosh around my body. I didn't like the feeling at all. It made me sea sick, but a little stronger. I could do nothing to stop the feeling but wait until it started to digest. I'd need to remember next time when I could stop drinking.

I dropped the cat to my feet and watched as the life began to fade quickly from it. Breath released from its lungs as its body deflated. Now that I was full and content I felt a quick disdain for the life I'd just murdered. My heart started a bit and I looked away.

"I'll dispose of the body later, it's imperative to get you home before we cross unwelcome company." His eyes flashed and I knew not to delay any longer. Carlisle led the way back to the house; I was beside him, running as quickly as my legs could kick..

I smelled the faint scent of cinnamon and lavender. My body immediately kick-started as I hit the familiarity. I smiled as I darted through the trees, Carlisle right behind me.

"We're almost there?" I asked him, not wanting to get my hopes up for so little.

"Yes, only half a mile away." I grinned and ran faster, allowing blurry images of Edward to filter through my mind.

Driven on the insane need to be with him I ran faster, trying to speed up the seconds that interrupted our reunion. Desperation flickered through me and I felt the need begin again as I grew nearer. I was so close, but I wasn't close enough.

I didn't focus on the trees anymore; I didn't worry about the leaves or smashing into one. I saw a figure in the distance, and yelling soon followed. I heard Esme's voice, demanding and pleading at the same time.

Before I had time to understand what was happening something rammed into me. I went rolling backwards, the object's weight still forcing me to fly through the ground and knock over trees. I let out a gasp and turned my body to slow down my flight.

Before I made impact with a large oak, my body was rotated and the object around me took the blow. Pieces of bark flew everywhere and a large cloud of dirt rose up from the ground.

I struggled to get free before the grip around me was tightened.. My nostrils flared before they picked up the heady scent that calmed my entire frame. A keening left my throat and my arms immediately wrapped around the object.

"I missed you, Bella." It whispered.

"I missed you, too, Edward."

A keening, similar to mine left his throat and I laughed. His hands went to my face and I looked into his eyes for the first time in my new life. The two emerald eyes that I knew and loved were gone; instead, they were a hypnotic crimson. I watched myself in his eyes, my own mimicking.

His features were sharper than when I had left him. His jaw was squared and his nose was straight, complementing his apple cheeks. The light splattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose was gone, replaced by smooth flat ivory skin.

I breathed in sharply, and he followed in a gasp. I hadn't the chance to look at my reflection yet. I could only assume that I looked like a mess. I had spent three days sweating and screaming, thrashing around and trying to scratch my skin off.

His thumb brushed over my cheeks and under my eyes, sending electricity over the skin that he made contact with. I leaned down on instinct, his hands easily sliding back into my hair, and kissed him with force.

His lips were so smooth and soft, enticing me to stay there forever. I kissed him with wild abandon, allowing the weeks of separation leave my mind and only focus on our sweet reunion.

I had been through hell watching him suffer slowly as he became pained by his disease. I watched him die from a fever, and I watched him writhe in agony as his new life came about. This was the sweetest part, the reward for our lives full of suffering.

We'd been through so much and now we could just… live. His body and my own connected and the world around us seemed to just disappear. It was amazing; I never wanted this to end. This feeling of security and well-being had me panting for more, longing for what I'd been missing and never really had.

We parted for a second, our eyes meeting and my hands held his cheeks, just watching the way his expression changed and softened.. My throat swelled a bit, and I thought it was just my emotions taking over me, but the fire that shot through the back of my throat unsettled me.

Edward's expression changed quickly. His eyes darkened and I could feel the growl build up in his chest. On instinct I copied it, and my body let out a hiss. Edward's grip tightened on my hips and I could see the overwhelming pain, the lust and want. I was positive I looked the exact same.

My mind cleared of my haze from being reunited and I was more aware of my surroundings. Esme was speaking to Carlisle, her voice frantic and I finally noticed how close they were.

"—there's not enough time to get them out of here, we can't let something happen!" Esme screamed. Carlisle's hands touched my shoulders before he pulled me off of Edward..

"Don't touch her!" Edward yelled, his arms darting out to take me back. The longer we sat there the more my throat flamed.

"There are people coming," his eyes darted to the east. "You need to go. Now!" Edward's grip tightened and he bolted off. I didn't have time to think as he ran through the trees, much faster than I had before. He tucked me securely against his chest and ran for dear life – well, someone else's.

We stopped after ten minutes of running through the foliage of the woods. The scent of deer, much like before, swam strongly through the trees. Even though I'd drunk my fill twice, I still wanted more.

It didn't smell as sweet here. The scent I had before – when Carlisle had told us to go – was the single greatest taste in the world.. The scent that barely floated on my tongue made my body rigid and wild with want.

"Maybe we should hunt." Edward broke our silence. He walked to a small fern bush and looked behind it. A herd of elk were grazing on the dying grass. The few that were nearest to us moved to the center of the herd.

Was this their natural instinct? I had to get used to being a predator instead of the prey. I was used to being the weak one, not the one with all the power. Edward shifted beside me, his legs moved into a crouch.

My body did the same, and I locked onto my target.. Edward's eyes shifted to the right, locking onto a large buck, I took the one opposite from it. I watched every shift in muscle, every pulse of blood that had my body shifting towards it.. I could see the arteries and the veins pulsing with the swipe of blood.

The buck began to move, but it wasn't as bold as before. The few does near him moved away slowly and the buck barely noticed. I sprung then, and at the same time I saw Edward as a flash beside me. The buck ran and the thrill of the hunt kicked through me. It was better than adrenaline, a thousand times better..

The rush I got chasing after it drove me crazy. I followed it easily as it ran through the woods. I didn't want to catch it yet. I thought briefly about how sadistic that was... The buck did nothing wrong, but there would be time to recompense for it.

I followed it for two minutes before I saw the muscles start to strain. I dove into it, snapping the neck as I tackled it to the ground. My teeth dug in instantly. I could hear the venom sizzling against the skin before the flesh tore open easily. The blood poured from the wound and fell into my mouth. The rush of its adrenaline made the liquid so much warmer and filling.

I dropped the body to my feet and wiped my mouth on my hand. I could feel the warmth seeping through my body. I felt like a glutton. I still had my fill from last time.

When I had securely buried the body by a large tree, I turned back and ran the way I came. Edward was sitting in the large meadow where the dear had been. He was on his back looking at the stars above him.

I took my seat by his side and he pushed out an arm for me. The meadow was empty except for us. The grass had dew on it, but the feeling barely registered as I lay down.

"Did you enjoy your hunt?" He asked, his head turned toward me.

"Mmhmm," I hummed, my head going to his shoulder. His sent surrounded me instantly. I liked this – I _missed_ this.

"It's been too long." He whispered.

"It has.. I really missed you; I was scared that something happened." My voice quivered and I felt so human, like nothing had changed.

"I know, I was worried about you. Leaving you alone in that hospital and then… _him_." His jaw snapped and he hissed loudly.

"Nothing happened, I'm safe, Carlisle was there."

"Tell me everything." His eyes were pleading, so upset. If he could, I was sure he'd have shed a tear.

"Lorenzo," —I winced— "was the one.. He's the one who did it that night. Please! Listen before you act! He was the one who… raped me. He told me all about it, his sick infatuation and all of that. When I got away from him there was no one in the hospital, everyone had been evacuated and I was the only there besides him.

"He tried again, but Carlisle came. You don't know how scared I was Edward. You weren't in your room and I was absolutely terrified that something happened to you. That was the only thing that went through my head." He turned and placed his arm across my stomach while burying his head in the crook of my neck. "I thought you were dead." I whispered.

"I am dead." He whispered. "I _was_ dying, but it was… good."

"I didn't know that then. Carlisle came and took care of Lorenzo, I guess. I think he'll need years of therapy if his arms can even work again. When I came back, it was… horrible. All I could hear was your screaming through the house. I was really scared that Carlisle saved you only to torture you. He explained everything, though. I am glad that he helped you… helped us."

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you, too, Edward."

There was no more that needed to be said between us. Our bodies acted on the most primal of things. In an instant his lips were on mine.

He was so sweet, the way his lips wrapped themselves around mine and didn't let go for dear life. I liked this. I like this more than I ever thought I would. I didn't even have to pull away for us to breathe. It was so simple, so alluring and _easy_… it was just _right_.

His hands touched me all over, feeling every muscle and every inch of my skin. It felt like heaven had landed in his fingertips. My ratty clothes were in his grip immediately. We both heard the tearing sound before we could register anything..

As soon as my eyes opened I met his dark crimson orbs and anything and everything around me was lost. Clothing wasn't an awkward obstacle anymore. My strength was uncontrollable, when I stumbled over his pants I ended up ripped them clean off. The same happened with him, no matter how hard I tried to pace myself, what felt human normally was too strong for a gentle task.

Our shreds and threads of clothing were forgotten easily and without a care. They would linger wherever they were until we came back to our senses… however long that may be.

Edward stretch on his back beside me and pulled me on top of him. It just felt so right; nothing could feel more exact, more perfect. I shook that thought out of my mind as I sank down on him. No, there was nothing better than _this_.

His whole length fit so easily inside of me, right up to the hilt. A breath left my body and I had to close my eyes. Everything, and I mean _everything,_ was multiplied. All my nerves were more sensitive to him, all of my body screamed for him. My muscles clenched around him, pulling him—if at all possible—further inside of me..

When I looked down at him, it was sheer perfection. His face looked so blissful, so un-comparatively beautiful that it made me swallow back the lump in my throat. He was here; he was actually here with me. We weren't apart anymore, two of the same flesh bonded together.

"Edward," I whispered. His eyes opened slowly and looked up at me. The crimson of his eyes was terrifying on someone so caring, so sincere and innocent that it broke my heart. But I had to believe it would get better.

He leaned up on his elbows and kissed me before putting his hands on my hips and starting a slight movement. We both gasped, loud and clear. It was incredible. It could have easily been one human orgasm could equal one vampire thrust.

A keening left my throat. I couldn't find it in me to be embarrassed or scared; I just wanted the experience again. This time I lifted myself up and then sank down on his hardness. It was too good.

That feeling made it easy for me to keep up a strong quick pace. I screamed unmercifully into the air and my hands on Edward's strong chest made each bounce so simple. This was what we were meant for, to bring each other in, to soak up all the doubts and worries and just live.

A feeling flew through me so strong a growl ripped from my chest. Edward copied me, grinning up from beneath me. Our primal instincts screamed at us to take control.

My voice broke through my own ears and I heard a loud scream flicker through the empty woods. Every feeling enflamed a thousand times over and I could hear every solid thrust and grind that passed between Edward and I.

A snarling ripped through my scream and pierced over it. My eyes closed tightly and I smiled. That was my new favourite sound.

We didn't bother to move for hours. No one came for us, so we didn't bother to go back. It was too good to leave or say anything. The moment was too golden for any interruption. The sun began to rise in the horizon and I watched with curiosity as it rose over the land.

Carlisle had mentioned vaguely about happened when we entered the sunlight. It wasn't deadly, but we couldn't be around humans when it happened. My curiosity flared and I waited for the rays to land our naked tangled bodies.

My hand was hit first, and from my skin came a piercing pang on light. I gasped and Edward looked down, his eyes going wide. Immediately he snatched my hand from the light and checked it for any damage.

Once he saw there was none, he too put his hand in the light. A thousand diamonds faceted in his skin shone brightly. He was so gorgeous. The most beautiful creature God could put on this planet.

The light receded into the forest around us and we looked at each other in fascination. It wasn't until well into the afternoon that we left and collected our torn clothes and tried to salvage what we could without tearing them any more than they were.

It was frustrating, what seemed human was killer strength in my hands. I couldn't grasp control even though Edward had figured out how to be gentle and not tear the pieces to shreds.

There would be much to learn, more than I could probably take, but I'd manage. I had Edward with me and that was all that would matter.

Things would be hard, but in the end, it would all work out.

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**A/N: Just a mini lemon. Next chapter is the epilogue, and I want it to be perfect... which may include a lemon and definitely an update status on what everyone is reviewing about: Dr. Lorenzo, so don't ask. . I'll update sooner, I promise you.**

**Thank you everyone for the tons of reviews and PMs that pushed my inbox to a new record, four hundred and eighty seven over night. Wow. You guys made my birthday. :D**

**So I wanna wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving, because I know I'm gonna have a good one. I convinced my dad to have real turkey (bleh) and then tofurkey, 'cause us vegetarians needs love.**

**Don't forget to review!**


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**A/N: This is the epilogue. I like it, made me sad to finish this story off. );**

**But at the same time it makes me happy that I got this out of my head. It was my baby when I started it and things have changed so much while in the midst of writing this.**

**So once again, thanks to Kitschisme for Beta'ing. If Austin wasn't around, I'd snatch you away and steal you into the night. ;)**

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In our time, most humans don't take the opportunities and chances that they're given. Most would prefer to live by familiarity and repetitive _safe_ ways. I was exactly the same way.

Everyday I would do the same routines, no differently from the day before. The same feeling of emptiness and a bottomless stomach with no end to the tragic worries and pains that flocked me were so common that I'd become uncomfortable without them.

The mundane sounds of rain and distant chatter in the back of my mind filled my ears with swollen lies and bruised meanings.

And when the pain became so unbearable and so incomplete to me, I decided to take the chance I was given, to take the outlet away and finally get away from it all.

But that outlet led to a dead signal. Maybe the operatours decided they would cut off power before I could reach the other side and I was just stuck in the middle, going no where but back to the place where I came from; alone and bruised beyond healing.

Instead, I was offered a separate reach. I was pulled from my confusion and pain and brought to a place where others were in the same position, and some of them so much worse. I could no longer just blend into my little world and remain noticed; I had to stick my head out and finally join in with the rest of the world.

People were kind; they were nice, understanding, and ingeniously tactful. I could watch them work their magic on the guards of our forced home, getting things that were contraband and sharing.

I learned more in that place than I did in all seventeen years of life elsewhere. I learned to love those around me, and not to take them for granted. One day they could be near me, laughing and playing, and then the next they could be on their death beds.

I thought about that hospital more than anything in the years that passed me by. I stayed the same, living in my greatest human chance. It wasn't really fair; I had this opportunity to live and be with the one I love, and no one else did.

When I was left to think by myself, I would go into shock inside my mind. The final days of my humanity weighed down on me heavily. I could barely remember them. They were blurry in front of my all-seeing eyes, but I felt the way my still organs rolled with each thought. The pain would come back; it was the only thing that could rip through me like that.

In the twenty years that had passed I had been more confident in myself than ever before. My instincts were keen and my mind was sharp. I could block out the pain of those lost memories easily if I wanted to. Sometimes, when I felt the need to be drawn back to them, I let the distant thoughts consume me. I wasn't ignorant to my human life. I knew I had been defiled and broken down to these little pieces of myself, but with each year that went by without great incidence I grew a little and the pieces began to mend themselves together.

It was a slow, painful process, but Edward was beside me the entire time.

Carlisle tried his hardest to conceal the thoughts of my last moments at the hospital. I knew my face was gaunt, with hopelessness and fear mixed into one hardened mask mixed with blood and salt from my tears.

The only reason he ever thought to abolish these thoughts was because of Edward. His… ability, so distinct and perfect, must have been too much for him, because he could see into the minds of others.

It started when we arrived back from our first hunt together. Our clothes weren't at all in tact, but we made do. Esme had been frantic, her body rigid with worry, and once we came in view, her shoulders slumped and she let out a long gust of air.

Carlisle had looked at our appearance and his lips tugged at the corner. Edward stiffened beside me and shuffled his foot in the dirt before muttering 'no' to him.

And in that instant we all turned our eyes on him. After hours of thorough discussion, convincing him that no one was speaking out loud, and that he was, indeed, listening to another part of the mind, he turned to me and glared directly into my eyes.

"Then why can't I hear yours?" He'd asked.

That of course spurred on a new round of inquisitions and a long night of testing his ability. The range was a mile and half before it became a quiet whisper. Living in the woods as newborns, this came in handy.

Six months and thirteen days after being changed and living solely on animal blood, our eyes started to dim out. At first I was terrified of this, and then, as the honey colour fringed the edges of my iris, I smiled and stalked off to relay the news to Carlisle .

Two years, three months, and fourteen days later, Edward had his first taste of human blood…

We were hunting on our own, and though he knew the man was a safe enough distance away, smelling the scent of his open wound when he tripped and then seeing the blood in his mind drove Edward wild.

I followed after him the whole way, trying my hardest to restrain him, but the one time I managed to tackle him to the ground, he snaked his way out of my embrace and got the gain on me.

Edward was faster than any of us; he had gifts and talents that put other vampires to shame. His control couldn't hold, though.. While I progressed in learning when to hold my breath and keeping calm, he reveled in the scent of it.

That night, his eyes turned a bright red, the same colour that I'd seen when I saw him as a vampire for the first time. He mourned for his mistake, and we gave the body a proper burial, Carlisle giving a quiet and short sermon he'd learned from his father.

Edward became more determined after that. But not long after, I came across a hiker who had caught his foot in a bear trap. After five years and not one slip up, I held my breath and went to help him.

As soon as the trap released and I thought he was better, I watched the pools of blood trickle to the ground, soaking uselessly into the leaves beneath him. While the man thanked me for my kindness I snapped and sucked him dry from the wound on his leg.

Once the blood hit my tongue, I _couldn't_ stop. I fed gluttonously and I enjoyed every last drop. Even now when I think back to it my throat enflames with an incredible fire.

Like I had done with Edward, he held me in his arms all through the days that it took for me to become ravenously thirsty and cleanse the blood with that of a bears. We buried the man next to the other, and when dog search teams came out, we decided that no matter how far the bodies were from our home, the four of us needed to move.

Esme had taken the roll as adoptive mother. She cleaned the house, chastised us with a loving enthusiasm and all around adored to watch her small family.

After a few months I had slipped up and called her 'mom' by accident, the absolute joy that broke out on her face was glorious.

We ended up moving from Washington to Canada in no time. We moved to Alaska with a few years after that . Denali was a beautiful place; the land was covered with white and ice crystals hung from the large oak house that sat perfectly on a hill.

We met with Carlisle 's long time friends, who also fed solely off of animals. It was different, but also very inviting. I hadn't been near anyone but this small family in so long, and the previous friends I had, ended up… less than vibrant.

There had been a service for those who died during the flu that overtook the hospital. I couldn't attend, and neither could Edward, but Carlisle stood dutifully by as his patients were all sent off one by one.

He had seen Lorenzo briefly before he fled with one look from his black eyes. I'd only been told this recently when Edward more-or-less tried to run the house into the ground.. He was furious that Carlisle could even think of that man.

My insides churned with a familiar pain at that. I had hoped for his death, that maybe the blood he had lost would somehow kill him, or maybe by the way his skull had smashed into the wall he'd become nothing more than a useless puppet stuck in a chair for all his life.

His arms were both without use. He had to keep them in thick plastic braces, which meant that they would never heal correctly or be useful to him. His leg was snapped and the bone had obviously been pushed into some of the skin.

I was glad he was suffering; no one could deserve it more. But at the same time, I was disheartened by the fact that he was alive, that he had gotten his job back and was still considered a therapist much less a doctor.

For two years I thought about that, letting it fester and stew inside of me before I tracked him down from the safety of my home and family and decided to see him, to make sure he would be living in hell. Just to _see. _Edward had been completely put off by the idea, raging and roaring about what he had done to me, and that gave me all the more incentive.

And so here I sat, some ridiculous magazine in my hand that was so familiar to me, reading how to attract a male with a flip of your hair or a move of your lips. I almost laughed; I merely had to look in Edward's eyes and or cross my legs to attract him. All he had to do was speak and I was undone.

We managed to break several good pieces of furniture and a house in Montreal before we could even think about control. It was never something that we were worried about being controlled in. The best times of my life were with Edward above me, under me, and anywhere on me.

I shifted my legs a little and I saw him look over at me, his eyebrow raised. His lips were still in a straight line; his eyes were a little lighter. I reached my left hand up to stroke his taught jaw, and he leaned back with a sigh, his eyes closing. A woman seated in front of us watched with curiousity at our display of affection and I was unabashed by the fact that we both knew she was watching.

I sat the magazine on the table beside me and gripped onto Edward's hand, my nerves in a throng of unease. I would have passed out were I human, but this seemed so much different, it was anticipation settling in me.

"Mister and Misses Jones?" The receptionist called. Edward and I both stood and walked back into the office that awaited us.

The woman at the counter gave a strange look before turning back to her computer and picking up the ringing phone. I could _smell_ his putrid scent ringing down the hallway. He smelled like antiseptic spray and death. When we entered the office, his back was turned on us; we were faced with his bald head that was shaved so that the obvious missing hair wouldn't be too visible.

Lorenzo fumbled through papers on the table behind him before turning around and opening up the folder—all without looking up at the people in front of him.

"Take a seat, so you'd like to enroll your son or daughter in the therapy, allow me to tell you the therapy sessions I work here do miracles." He grinned at the file, looking over the little girl who didn't belong to us, but was manipulated in a photo. My jaw clenched and I stood straighter. And at that moment, most likely hearing my jaw snap, he looked up and his face went completely gaunt.

Edward allowed me my distance, but still stood securely beside me. Lorenzo rolled his chair backwards and hit the table, the fat of his cheeks jiggling at the movement. Time had not been kind to the plastic surgeon's canvas. A long purple scar decourated the sides on his face, he had a hearing aid in one ear, and some kind metal ring on the other. His skin was… papery, disgusting to look at, and his eyes still looked menacing to me.

His arms were in large plastic casts, keeping him busy with picking up the paperwork when we arrived in. He looked horrified and spluttered over his mixed words. He stopped between panting breaths and then would try to say something before stopping. I decided to take the initiative and start. His fear was amusing, but my fingers were digging to the point of pain into my arms.

"Hello," my voice was light, quiet but I couldn't hold the venom back. It hurt not to snap at him, to take his pudgy little head off of his shoulders. I didn't want anything of this monster inside of me. He would die slowly, but there would be nothing left of his horrible life inside of me.

Never again.

"Surprised?"

"You—you're… like… _him_." He whispered, his fingers pointing directly at my eyes. He couldn't even curl his fist to point.

He must have meant Carlisle , the look of pure terror faded in and out and I saw his younger lecherous face enter my mind. I resisted the urge to smile at the mental image, but I took a step toward him.

"Stand up, you swine." I ordered. He stood shakily, knocking over his chair in the process. I could smell the flushing of fluids before I saw it seep through the front of his khakis. Edward snorted behind me and Lorenzo looked at him for the first time, his eyes growing wider if at all possible.

"B—both? Dear… God…"

"There is no God where you're going." I murmured, coming closer to his sniveling form. He couldn't walk properly, his knee wouldn't bend and I saw the scrap of bone sticking out of his leg.

And yet he still backed up, his perspiration soaking his back to the wall. I could smell the adrenaline rush with the fear. I stopped five feet away from him, not willing myself to be tempted to bite him..

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"If I lose control, stop me quickly, please."

"Of course,"

And with that, my hands were wrapped around his neck, not squeezing enough to snap his neck, but to close his windpipe and open it when he was on the verge of passing out.

"How does it feel to be in Alice's place?" I whispered, his eyes looked down at me, swimming in tears. I watched closely at the bulging blood vessel in his right eye and squeezed his neck harder this time. It was close to popping, and so I kept at it.

His sweaty hands clawed at my cold ones, unrelenting and forceful. He spoke gibberish, pleading for me to stop, to just stop.

"Did you stop when I asked you to?" He looked down at me again, his face a wide canvas of fear. Edward shifted behind me and suddenly he was on the desk, facing us both,

"Your eyes are changing…"

"I'll deal with this." I gripped tighter this time. "It's worth it."

"I'm—s—sorry!"

"You're sorry? No, you're not sorry, you're only sorry that you got caught, that you couldn't live life with functioning limbs and a pocketful of little girls who don't deserve to be there." I clenched my fingers around his windpipe completely and squeezed it.

I felt the surge of blood and then his eye tinted red and I let him go, dropping him to the floor in front of me.

"I came here to make you suffer, but an eternity in hell—as all _real_ monsters go—is so much more than I can give you."

My leg reeled backwards and I pushed it forward into his stomach. I felt the muscles twisting and then a loud crack sounded through the room as I hit one of his ribs. His eye began to bleed, a perfect little line slipping down his putrid face.

I watched it, and then to control myself, I moved my leg forward with excessive force again. His mouth opened in a wheezing cough followed by a short cry. Before he could scream and attract attention I picked him up by his throat and lifted him up to the wall.

I held my breath and squeezed his neck while he thrashed wildly in my grip. His blood red eyes swam in blood and tears and little gasps left him and he swung his casted arms around and his disjointed leg hit me uselessly.

"Bella, please," Edward murmured behind me. I could hear the growl set low in his chest and then I wrapped both hands around his neck and strangled the monster to death.

He let out a gurgling shriek before Lorenzo's body went completely limp. Before his blood could drip to my hand, I let his body slide to the ground with a loud thud.

Edward's arms wrapped around my waist and his lips touched the back of my head. He was dead. He was actually, truly dead. He couldn't hurt anyone ever again… no one would have to suffer by his hands again.

"I don't feel any different…"

"It'll take time. We have plenty of time."

We stepped to the large glass window behind Lorenzo's desk and Edward grabbed the fake file with our aliases in it before opening it and jumping out.

That night I watched the news with my family, Edward on one side, and Esme on the other, with Carlisle waiting on the seat beside his wife, and we all watched the minute segment on how Doctor Steven Lorenzo was murdered in his office today. The police officer that we'd paid off to make fake sketches of the couple—Mister and Misses Jones—had a picture of two young people that looked no where near us.

I hoped that some of the people he'd hurt watched that, saw the image of his body snapped by the news reported before it could be covered up. He had obvious hand prints on his neck, and I'd done more damage than I thought, but it was more rewarding that way.

Two years after his death, the police raided his home in Seattle and found a collection of pictures and files of past patients—all girls under the age of twenty five—and began the process of contacting each one. They didn't find any of the girls at the hospital, they were dead, and they didn't find me, even though a letter was sent to my unnecessary PO Box.

I laughed a little at the irony; it was so much more than the police knew about, so much more than anyone on the human side knew about.

And so after all of the painful drama of Lorenzo died down, Edward and I left our adoptive parents for a decade, with small intervals of visits. We traveled the world, to Europe and Asia and saw everything we'd ever dreamed of going.

He proposed at the top of the Eifel Tower , where I'd mentioned once in our human life was the most romantic spot. We were married—a small affair—the next year and then after our long time alone together, we moved back with Esme and Carlisle .

I still thought about the time the weak faces of my friends were so dim to me, but I thought about them in remembrance, spoke to Edward about it and we shared what we remembered.

And though it was difficult, and we'd undoubtedly slip every now and then, we would be together for the rest of time, regardless of the struggles we would face.

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**A/N: Aw, I loved this so much.**

**I know a lot of people were unhappy with leaving Lorenzo where he was and all. Some people were perturbed by the whole walking off into the sunshine happily-ever-after thing I left off, but I knew this was going to happen since I started this, so I had time to stew on it and not let it bother me.**

**This was how I intended for it to go, and I'm very happy with the outcome.**

**So I'd maybe like to get 650 reviews. Right not 600 is like ten away. It'd make my life, and all you leave the best reviews that make me bust my gut laughing. xD**

**So for now this is finito, and I loved it so much, so go read something else of mine. If you want angst and lemon goodness I suggest _Cultivating Youth Substinences_ or my collab with the lovely Kitschisme _Labour of Devotion_ and I've got a couple stories up on my profile you should check out.**

**So goodbye, my loves!**

**Don't forget to review!**


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